still seren-ish!!....31.8.05

Well, its wednesday. today was slightly different. we still got up just after 6 a.m. but got ready to go to our early morning prayer meeting at church, much to my husbands amazement, he was trying to watch something about the EU in turkish . the prayer meeting was excellent and then we went with nora for a bacon buttie, very nice.

when we got back we had our devotional time together. meric was grumbling about doing school work ALL day, i pointed out to him that it was only the stuff he hadn't finished in the morning that he had had to do last night, that quietened him. so, we were late starting this morning. this meant we didn't get to do reading aloud and hot chocolate until 12.20. after that i gave meric until 2.30 p.m. to finish his mornings work. perhaps i should explain that we are generally pretty autonomous in our home-education, but i do believe they need to learn the basics, so i buy a curriculum from Christian Educational Resources (see link) and use that as the foundation, then we go off into other things that interest us along the way. this morning for example we had a brief foray into dinosaurs and plan to do some more of that this afternoon whilst doing art. anyway, meric did spend a large part of the morning day dreaming, today he was doing nothing in a more disruptive way which did irritate slightly, i managed to stay cool however. he also tried to convince me that the handwriting he had done yesterday was in fact todays " class="middle">, i know i know, isn't he a bit old at 13 to be doing handwriting? well, yes, but since his writing looks like a 5 year olds i feel its something we need to work on, he can do beautiful writing but is basically too lazy anyway, needless to say he hasn't finished his morning stuff but i got alot of work done - answered emails, did the minutes for swimming club and started on the agm things so i am pretty pleased with what i have done. so this afternoon i am going to keep him busy doing chores and other things and then after dinner tonight we will come back in the school room to finish off the mornings work!! the thing is i also have a star system going, 10 stars earns half an hour on the electronic equipment of choice (x-box), 11 stars are earned for doing the mornings work in the required time, if all the work isn't done in the time no stars are earned, so when he realises he isn't getting on his beloved x-box we might start getting somewhere. in the meantime please pray that i will continue to remain calm and serene!!

the x-box, seriously, i could throw it out of the window. what happens to my lovely son when he has been playing on that for any length of time? where does meric go? why is it all he talks about and why does this condition seem to affect some boys and not others? its a mystery.

i think that the reason i am feeling calm about school and the way meric is, is because i have managed to put a time to things - not a timetable, just a period of time - morning stuff should be finished by lunch, then we will do something different no matter what, instead of letting meric's disruptive behaviour upset the whole day and we get nothing done. we are going to leicester on friday to visit family, so there will be no school friday or monday. when we restart i am also going to be doing calculadder - speed maths drills, these will be part of the mornings work.

anyway, i am off for my own lunch now, we have swimming club tonight, i quite like being the secretary and i quite like starting or judging at galas, but i can't do with all the politics and hypocrisy, it really gets me down. when i didn't know anyone and could just sit reading while the kids trained it was really nice, i valued the time, now i just end up getting all caught with the gossip and politics, people are so two faced it makes me crazy, so, i am considering whether to stand down at the agm, i have done three years, but i bet no-one will volunteer to take over and then i will feel guilty, plus i have access to the photocopier - everyone has to have a perk and i use the computer for alot of swimming club stuff.

its the end of the day.....30.8.05

well, it took until 9.30 p.m. but the work is finished and i only got irritated once, really irritated , i did tell him that i didn't mind how long it took, i have plenty to keep me occupied and that the morning work WOULD be done, and it was, eventually . i am pleased, overall, with how the day has gone, i have done alot of my own work - in addition to home-educating our two teenagers i am the secretary for our local swimming club and have taken over the membership of my mums travel club while they are all in south america. i am pretty much up to date with everything, tomorrow morning should clear the decks and then i intend bringing my sewing up here. my sister and her husband are buying a new house, my lovely little niece is going to have her own bedroom and i am stitching a sampler type thing for her, so i need to get it done.

i still don't think meric has realised my new strategy, perhaps i am expecting too much, perhaps he thinks its just a new one of my wild 'lets get organised' schemes, i am prone to wild ideas and love the idea of being organised, it just never seems to come off, but this time i feel differently, more determined. so perhaps tomorrow night when we come back from swimming and he has to sit in here again to finish his morning work the penny will start to drop. of course he could just read my blog but that is too much like hard work >" class="middle">

anyway, menekse isn't home from work yet, but meric is about to go to bed and so am i, i am going to read a little and pray. we are getting up at 6 again tomorrow and going to the church prayer meeting. i hope that tomorrow goes as well as today.

my next plan is to try and organise our meals more efficiently, i do like cooking, and tend to cook from scratch, we eat fresh stuff not processed. but with homeschooling it tends to get left by the wayside, mealtimes always seem to be a rush and i seem to cook the same stuff all the time because its quick and easy, some homeschoolers have monthly menus, i would like to do something like that, and be more efficient when i shop too - i waste such alot of time at tescos - and i know they are trying to take over the world and its not a very good way of shopping. so i am thinking of going through my recipes and creating a menu for a month and shopping once a week - which would be a HUGE step for me, i generally go to tescos 4 or 5 times a week

so, thats me finished for the night, i feel quite tired so am hoping for a good nights sleep.

still calm and serene.....30.8.05

well, i can hardly believe it. i am still here, still calm, still serene. i have done LOADS of work, i have remained patient and quiet, on the whole anyway, i have felt frustration welling up a couple of times but caught myself and remembered 'the plan' (i think it deserves capitals actually, The Plan ). i have kept meric busy all afternoon building solomons temple (not literally you understand), whilst i took menekse to horseriding and did tescos etc. we have had tea and he is now walking the dog, and thinks he is going to sit in front of the tv, ha ha, no chance, the books are here waiting for him.

menekse is now at work, in our shop, since she has worked all day i know she will want to come on here later, so my time is short, nevertheless i feel a good days work has been done and i feel satisfied that it has indeed gone according to my plans and wishes - another miracle.

my sister called today, my little niece has a heart murmur so they had been at the hospital, my sister didn't sound that worried but of course she must be, they are going back in a couple of months, if you are a person of prayer perhaps you would pray for this little family that is so very precious to me.

what i am wondering now is when exactly meric will take notice of what is going on around him, will he notice that i am remaining calm, that i am keeping myself busy doing things in the school room with him, and that i am keeping him busy too but yet the atmosphere is so different. i pray that it will last and that my Heavenly Father will equip for the days to come in this area. will meric notice that he is missing out on other things in the evening because he is having to finish his morning work, and will it make any difference? watch this space.

so far so good....30.8.05

well, its tuesday lunchtime, at the risk of sounding smug my plan is working. i am calm, i am serene, i am in control, its a miracle!!!

we managed to get up by just after 6 a.m., well, actually, i got up at 5.45 much to the amazement of my husband who was still up!! i had my shower before waking the children. meric had tried it on last night. i told him it was bedtime, he wanted to watch mission impossible 2 on tv, i warned him we were gettting up early, he insisted he would be ok - i think he thought i wouldn't make it!! so, menekse and i went to bed early. i got both of them out of bed and we were downstairs with cups of tea ready to say our prayers etc by 6.30!! i was very pleased, we had breakfast and menekse and i were upstairs by just before 8 a.m. ready to start work. meric wandered up here about 8.15 a.m. i stayed calm.

menekse worked in her room until 10.30, i worked at the big desk until 10.30 a.m., meric messed around doing handwriting and a maths lesson until 10.30 a.m. i stayed calm. he couldn't leave the room because of my check list >" class="middle"> but still, his time wasting knew no bounds. he messed around and daydreamed and i stayed calm. at 10.30 we took a break for hot chocolate and read aloud, i am currently reading 'the beggars bible' by louise a vernon to them. we came back upstairs to work until 12.30, meric has now done his spelling workbook and some of his quest. but he is nowhere near finished and i am not going to let him do any of the morning stuff this afternoon. i do have to take menekse to riding and do tescos as we don't have anything for tea at present. i am feeling very pleased with myself, i am still calm, in the face of great provocation. i have done *alot* of work for swimming club, in fact i am more or less up to date with it, just have to do some stuff on the computer. i have sorted all the mail etc out and got rid of all those things that hang around waiting to be dealt with (my husbands speeding ticket for example ) currently meric is out getting our lunch and menekse has gone to the post office to pay some bills. its quite nice now that they are older and able to do chores and errands, it enables me to get on with some of my own things.

i know that my calmness is because of my renewed walk with the Lord, i am thankful that we were able to pray together this morning before the day started, i know that always makes a difference. now i have to find a way to get my own quiet time with the Lord fitted into the day, this is a priority for me, i used to be really regular with it but gradually it dropped off and i know that praying just with the kids isn't enough. i am also hoping that having got up early i will be able to sleep tonight, i don't know why i am having such trouble sleeping - never used to have this problem. i heard somewhere that it takes 27 days to create a habit, so i am hoping that by the end of september we will all be in the habit of waking up around 6 a.m. - it would be great to be a family of early risers, its something that i have never mastered and i know we waste so much of the day by not getting up early.

while i was supervising meric i also brought our postcard collection up to date, i started it in 1994, we now have 178 in three scrapbooks, its nice looking back over where people have been and the cards they have sent, mum has sent several from this trip which is nice.

anyway, i am going to do some bits and pieces on the computer while the kids are out and then decide what we will do this afternoon. talk to you later.

more jottings....29.8.05

i have a little time, so thought i would write a little more. menekse has gone to bed, meric is supposed to be going to bed. our plan is to get up early tomorrow, 6 a.m., have a devotional time together, start school, work hard all morning, menekse is going riding in the afternoon. i have to go to tescos because of course there is little or no food in the house since we have all been away.

the student from the college who came last weekend was very nice, he came with his wife - they are newlyweds, they were really really nice and good fun, and his preaching was also excellent. i invited philip from church for lunch too so we had a nice afternoon. i cooked turkish - on account of the fact that my husband would eat any leftovers when we had gone to highleigh. after church we had a cup of tea and fellowship, it was really lovely, so nice to spend that time chatting with like minded believers, building each other up in the faith etc. discovered that ellen hadn't even had a phone call from our absent minister regarding her bereavement, the anglican guy had offered his phone number and a visit, its no wonder this particular denomination struggles on the mainland. the fittons were there on sunday night, paul, shirley and samuel, so that was lovely, we had a chance to catch up on all the news, if i had known they were coming i could have taken the suit and books i have waiting for them.

on monday morning i got up early to finish the packing, and to take the young couple to the train station, they were going to scarborough for one night before going back to NI. then it was all systems go. i had a couple of things to get from tescos, the car to pack, collect nora, get petrol and do tyres - and got filthy in the process then it was off to driffield to get gloria. the weather was absolutely dreadful, but i am not complaining since i don't like driving in the brilliant sunshine. anyway, there was no traffic really, we stopped at grantham for kfc, we had to eat it in the car in the car park at sainsburys which was fun but still we managed. then straight on to hoddesdon. menekse kept texting to let us know the state of play in her vehicle, she was so excited about the whole week. we got there about 3.50 p.m. just in time for afternoon tea. managed to get everyone unloaded, me and meric unpacked and a shower before tea so that wasn't bad. there were alot of familiar faces and some new ones. the meetings were excellent as usual. i bought far too many books, as usual . we didn't go on the outing, i think i would find it too stressful. i did manage to have a chat with a minister who was very helpful and he gave me some tapes. i did the prayer meeting every morning, 7.30 a.m. which was a great blessing. to be honest, i find it a great privilege to be at this conference. its easy to be discouraged in a small church, especially when we look at the state of the nation and the mainstream churches who deny the basic doctrines of the bible. but to go to this conference and fellowship and pray with people who have been praying for national revival for years, to be with people who live sacrificially for God, well, its a great blessing and privilege, also to see the young people coming through is wonderful too. God spoke to me and to menekse this time, as He did last year. i hope that i can keep up with what i have learned, improve my prayer life and my bible study, the fact that the tv is gone out of our bedroom is a blessing i must say. everyone felt pretty much the same and by friday no-one wanted to go home!! however we had to, so, we left at around 2.30 and got home after dropping everyone off by around 8.15, it wasn't too squashed in the car, brian kindly brought menekses two suitcases which was good of him. i was shattered by the time i got home and have only just really caught up.

saturday we got up to take menekse to leeds so she could babysit my niece. we had nice lunch and i am glad to say that jacqueline and dan have finally found a house, made an offer and its nearer to us .

sunday was church as usual, we got up late, i hadn't shopped, we weren't late for church but we didn't have any lunch so we went to leos - just had pasta and garlic bread, as he's a friend it doesn't seem so bad. then we went home and both (meric and i) fell asleep which in turn nearly made us late for the prayer meeting, thankfully we made it in time. then today we went to york for a picnic by the river with my sisters, menekse came back home with us, dan came also and my little sisters new boyfriend, he seems very nice, difficult to say on first meeting, very very quiet, but with us lot what chance has he got?

we all popped to see erdinc, haven't really seen him for a week or more, poor guy, told him about the plan to visit leicester, he said it sounds ok, and zumrut will be back from turkiye so i will, at last, get to see the baby.

the conference has done me the world of good, i am feeling clearer in my head and i have peace and contentment in my heart which i know comes from the Lord. i had the opportunity to talk to several people about various things that have been bothering me but especially one person about events recently in my home church. i realised, as we were talking, that it doesn't actually matter what happens - God brought the free p church to bridlington, not paul fitton, not hillis fleming, not ian paisley, the forward movement or cairin salt and it is God who will provide for us, He brought me out of the apostasy and to the reformed position and He WILL provide for me, so really, i just have to keep my eyes fixed on Him, keep praying and trusting that He will undertake for every aspect of the work.

we met a couple of ladies from martyrs at the conference, they were very very funny, good craic as they say in NI. they told me this joke.

ian paisley and gerry adams were at the side of the boyne, gerry adams bets the doc he can't swim over the boyne, the doc says of course he can, gerry says 'its full of crocodiles', 'never mind' says paisley, 'i will do it'. he swims over and climbs out unscathed, gerry adams is amazed and asks how did you do it ian? dr paisley takes off his shirt to reveal a t-shirt emblazoned 'paisley loves the pope' - 'even a crocodile wouldn't swallow that' laughs the doc. lol. lol.

well, it amused me anyway.

well, i am off to bed, meric thinks i won't really get up tomorrow, so he is staying up to watch mission impossible 2, but i am getting up, i am determined to put my new plan into operation, everything is ready, i have quite a bit of work to do for silk route and swimming, and when that is done i am going to bring my sewing up here. menekse is set up in her room so meric will have no excuses. goodnight.

I'm back.....29.8.05

well, i have had a busy week, and a nice week too, but that means i haven't had time to come here and muse or jot. never mind.

we have some more visitors tomorrow, the visiting speaker again and his wife, they are from northern ireland. and i have to get ready for high leigh on monday, so i will spend the day ironing, packing and cooking. could have done without the visit to the hospital tonight with our son, he fell off his scooter a couple of weeks ago, i have been manfully ignoring his complaints of pain, until tonight when he sneezed and then had to get out of swimming training. so we went to the hospital, nothing broken, take paracetomal NOT ibuprofen because of his asthma (the doctor told me that about 4 times, poor guy!!), a week off training and then see how it goes. i don't care what anyone says the NHS rocks!!

anyway, i have loads more to say, but its late and i have alot to do tomorrow, so i guess it will have to wait, its not that important anyway!!!

so much to say, so little time....20.8.05

well, i have had a busy week, and a nice week too, but that means i haven't had time to come here and muse or jot. never mind.

we have some more visitors tomorrow, the visiting speaker again and his wife, they are from northern ireland. and i have to get ready for high leigh on monday, so i will spend the day ironing, packing and cooking. could have done without the visit to the hospital tonight with our son, he fell off his scooter a couple of weeks ago, i have been manfully ignoring his complaints of pain, until tonight when he sneezed and then had to get out of swimming training. so we went to the hospital, nothing broken, take paracetomal NOT ibuprofen because of his asthma (the doctor told me that about 4 times, poor guy!!), a week off training and then see how it goes. i don't care what anyone says the NHS rocks!!

anyway, i have loads more to say, but its late and i have alot to do tomorrow, so i guess it will have to wait, its not that important anyway!!!

its the end of the day....16.8.05

so, thats the end of another day, doesn't time go quickly? when i was a child it seemed like an eternity from one birthday to the next, from one christmas to the next, indeed from one weekend to the next, nowadays its all over in the blink of an eye. even our children say the same. mind you, when i was a child i used to think i would be REALLY old in the year 2000, and here i am in 2005 alive and kicking

i have moved the tv out of the bedroom, its dead, officially, the picture only lasts about a minute, the sound is ok, but even though i know practically all the Friends episodes word for word its just not the same without the picture. so tomorrow i will take it to the tip.

our son worked in the shop again tonight, he did pretty well, i think he feels a bit more confident now, he is only 13 at the end of the day, ha ha. tomorrow we go to hull for my husband, to the bank, so i might take meric to the cinema. i am trying to get the money together for high leigh, it really needs to be paid by friday if possible. i have left it a bit late this year. what i should do is save £10 per week from the week i get back, that would be alot less stressful.

i called our daughter and spoke to her, she is having a great time for which i am very thankful. she sounds excited and happy, she has been shopping and found some bargains which is great. i miss her though. i don't like the house when one of them is away, its not the same, i feel like a ship without its rudder, i feel sort of lost, as if i have something missing, which i suppose i have. its very disconcerting. i am looking forward to post high leigh when we can get our own routine back.

the visiting minister called tonight whilst i was out (the one for next weekend not the one for last weekend), he is coming with his wife so that will be nice. i will put them in our daughters bedroom, they are staying over until tuesday, as long as they see to themselves monday i don't mind!!! because i will be on my way!!!

a wasted day...16.8.05

So, i really wasted monday afternoon, i was so tired when everyone had left, so i just pottered about on the computer, i was going to have a nap, but was worried i wouldn't wake up in time to go and help in the shop.

i took meric up there with me, much to his horror, and made him get on with some jobs. his attitude is appalling, but he gradually came round and started to quite enjoy it. i think part of the problem is the fact that despite his big 'i am' front he is really not that confident, so he thinks if he doesn't know how to prepare the pizzas then its best to walk away (for example), when i told him to go back, watch and have a go, well, he was on a roll!! he did very well. he even served some people in the shop, did the till and everything!!

we came home about 9.45 p.m. because i was so tired thankfully i got a *realy* good nights sleep, we slept late this morning but i feel alot better for it. i was still in my pjs when philip from church arrived for a coffee and to have a look at my prayer box. we had a nice time of fellowship for about an hour, he is such a nice man, he is greatly looking forward to high leigh as well. my prayer box is based on something from my home-ed list. i have a card index box, i write the name and prayer points for each person on a card which is numbered (in case you drop the box ) then when we do our daily prayers we each have 3 cards, it helps the kids learn how to pray, it means we don't forget people - visitors and churches around the country etc. and it takes us about a week to get through the list. this is in addition to our regular prayers for family, church, country etc. i will take the visiting minister as an example, i will remember to pray for him for several weeks, but then because other things come up i will gradually stop praying for him - but not if he is in the box, once he has a card then his prayer needs will regularly be brought before the Lord, it also stops the whole 'shopping list' type of prayer that can develop when there are alot of people/churches to pray for.

so, now it is 2 p.m. and basically today we have done nothing. in an hour or so we have to go to the shop. i have heard from menekse again, she is having a great time in liverpool, she has had a meatball sub for her lunch, i a bit jealous, i would really like to try one - i blame joey from Friends they always sound so nice when he has one.

other than that i don't have alot to say - shock horror!! i am going to take a shower, listen to an online sermon and go to the shop. i may be back later, i may not, i feel a bit reckless. my bedroom tv has indeed died, so i am going to take it to the tip and live without my nightly dose of Friends. and actually, it might be quite nice not to have piles of random kids on my bed watching tv or playing x-box!!!

Gods perfect timing 15.8.05

so, my busy busy weekend is over, and i am still in one piece, and actually i had a lovely time.

the turkish family were lovely, they enjoyed my sunday dinner on saturday, my yorkshire puddings turned out well.

i collected the visiting minister at 8.30 p.m., he was so so nice. lovely. we had a very interesting discussion on saturday night when the teenagers were on the computer. we talked about The Denomination and the difficulties i have with some issues, he has similar issues. it was very interesting and very very comforting, i realised that i am not backslidden, just different and different is good!!!

the sunday morning sermon was EXCELLENT he got 8 or 9 out of 10 from everyone. then he went off with brian for lunch and i took the turks up to whitby to desecrate the sabbath. i hope that God understands. of course the weather was dreadful (fyi, summer is happening today in my part of the world ). but we had a nice drive over and managed to get a parking space donated by a man in a camper, he even gave me his ticket so we parked for free - you see, camper people are lovely. it was chilly so we walked quickly to the best fish and chip place in whitby (hadleys, on the corner just opposite the old street where all the jet jewellery shops are). the turkish lady couldn't believe how cold it was and how many people there were walking around!! because of course being brits we don't let a bit of bad weather spoil our plans. when we got to hadleys there was a queue OUTSIDE!! True Brits!! we were given brollys (which, btw, i think should go in room 101). i think the turks were pleased to be part of a genuine british phenomena!! lol. we didn't have to wait too long before we got a table for 5 and then it was fish, chips and mushy peas all round. except for meric, who has a giant fish and baked beans due to his potato allergy. we also had the requisite tea, bread and butter and it was delicious, well worth the drive and the wait. afterwards we had a stroll around whitby and found a shop with a waterfall in the window - except the waterfall was made of chocolate!!! you could buy marshmallow or fruit kebabs covered in melted chocolate!! delicious, i will have to take menekse back there when she comes home. then we went up to the whalebone arch and back home just in time for church. which was lovely, another excellent sermon followed by tea and biscuits - we didn't leave until almost 10 pm, fantastic, we are going to make it a regular thing, no matter what anyone says. i found out this weekend that even though a certain someone claimed he needed a month to decide on his move, the children were already registered at the new school, ho hum.

this morning i took the minister to the train station, nipped to tescos and made a big turkish breakfast for the turkish family before they left, we also watched shrek 2, very funny film, much better than shrek the original, which is unusual. erdinc took the turks to hull and is doing cash and carry at the same time. so i am going up to the shop and i am making meric come with me. i am very tired from the stress of alot of visitors and i have to get all the bedding etc washed before the weekend, also we have to get ready for high leigh. menekse has gone to liverpool, i miss her so much, i really don't like it when one of them is missing, even though its quiet, i would rather have the two of them going at it hammer and tongs.

so, off i go to the shop, meric is going to swimming, i hope to be back later, but not too much later, i need an early night, and i have to watch casualty from saturday

a dilemma 13.8.05

its not a huge dilemma, indeed some people would probably think its not a dilemma at all.

in our home we have two televisions, we have one downstairs which received turkish television via satellite, thanks to my generous mum it now also receives all 5 terrestrial stations, we do not have sky or digital. to be honest we watch so little tv i can't justify it, but i do like to keep up with the news, we like casualty and ER, and Friends, but of course that is no longer on, but other than that and some documentaries we don't bother, haven't got the time and mostly its all rubbish. nevertheless we do have a tv in our bedroom, with just the english channels, also a video and dvd. the children and i do like to watch films, especially when they have friends visiting, so if my husband is watching football downstairs (and there is alot more football on turkish tv than there is on english, believe me), we can pile on our bed and watch a film. there lies my dilemma. the tv in our bedroom is dying. i am pretty sure it is terminal. the picture keeps going bright and lines appear then the screen goes black and it gradually does the reverse, but the sound is fine, so i am guessing its the tube or something. so, what to do? i would LOVE to live in a tv free house, but we don't, we have alot of videos and dvds (including all the Friends series), i know the tv is the thief of time - turn it on and a whole day can be wasted in the blink of an eye. but should i replace the one in our bedroom? its not an issue just now because we can't afford it anyway, but i really don't know what to do. i feel i shouldn't get another, but otoh, sometimes its nice just to have that place to go and watch something and i like to wind down with an episode of friends or something before bed. and if one of us is ill then we lay in the big bed with something comforting on the box. mind you if thats my biggest problem and worry i am very blessed don't you think?
swimming club was ok, i managed to read for a while at least. but i am feeling quite stressed about tomorrow, i hope my dinner turns out ok, i hope we get up early enough to do all the stuff that needs to be done. i hope the minister guy gets here ok.

ah well, no point in worrying - it doesn't do any good. i am going to bed, see you tomorrow hopefully.

cleaned and organised 12.8.05

well, its a miracle.

we didn't get up that early, but early enough. we said our prayers and read the bible, then i went to tescos to get water and cleaning stuff, soap powder etc. and i set the children on cleaning the kitchen.

menekse spent the other day moving all her school related stuff into her bedroom, she feels she will be able to work better in there away from the distraction that is her brother (who, btw, has not yet realised about the plan and has not seen his laminated instructions on his desk ). so as i contemplated all the piles of files and papers in the kitchen i decided i would re-locate them to the school room. we have a huge desk in there anyway. so i have done it. the desk looks really organised, i have been through all the paperwork and sorted the stuff out so that i can deal with it all. i feel very pleased with myself. its not as overwhelming, i will be able to deal with all outstanding stuff for swimming and silk route after the weekend. i am more or less up to date with the laundry. there is not much left to do tomorrow before they all get here. my husband is collecting the turks from manchester airport at 9.55 a.m. between you and me i will be glad when its wednesday.

my mum bought our son a 'red letter day' junior rally driving experience for christmas, she was so excited about it, we spend alot of time choosing our gifts and she felt she had done really well - he is into electronic games mostly. of course meric was thrilled to bits with it and really excited. the plan was that they would go together and enjoy the day. we booked it for july 2nd at castle donnington, just before mum went away. they had to get there by 8 a.m. so went the night before. when they got up to the racetrack, with about 30 other people, they waited a while only to be told it had been cancelled, no-one had been informed. needless to say everyone was very cross. some emails and phone calls were made. we were promised a full refund as well as an 'arrows experience' for meric and a 'summer concert experience' for two adults as compensation. i was told my refund was going on my card that very day. all lies. i have called again today to ask why, over a month later, we still haven't had anything in writing only to be told that red letter have gone into liquidation, they have been taken over and the new people have no intentions of giving any kind of refunds or anything. i was speechless. my mum is going to be gutted. she might get her money back as she paid with visa, but who knows? meric was quite philosophical about it, but seriously, how can people be allowed to get away with stuff like that? presumably there are loads of people who have been 'done' in the same way as us. its a disgrace and i feel totally impotent. i bet the company directors got their wages.

shortly i have to go to swimming club to deliver the rest of the letters then i will be back to get ready for tomorrow. wish me luck, not that i believe in luck of course, not being a child of God you understand, i believe in God providence and His grace and mercy. did you ever think about grace? Gods Riches At Christs Expense. nice!!

the washing is sorted....12.8.05

so, i feel like some kind of supermum. i got dds discoloured clothes more or less back to their original colours. at the risk of sounding like a sadist i thought i would share what actually happened since it was pretty funny....

i was upstairs working on the computer, a letter for swimming club which was taking a bit of doing. suddenly i hear dd shout 'noooo' from downstairs, i ignore her, she shouts again and also screams, i still ignore her, the screams and shouts get louder, but i am concentrating on the letter. so, she comes upstairs, throws the (wet) laundry across the room and then throws herself on the floor crying and screaming hysterically (at which point her dad walks in after driving to london and back in 12 hours, so he's not impressed, especially when she then locks herself in the bathroom), seriously, she is nearly 15 - who wouldn't have laughed? after all, who, in their right minds, puts a brand new black skirt in the washing machine with a brand new white shirt? answers on a postcard.

so, i finally finished the swimming club stuff and went up there to deliver the letters, two hours, and meric wasn't even swimming!! afterwards 'liverpool lady' and i had tea together and then watched the news, except she talked all the way through it. she reminds me of peter kays granma

this morning we got up to go to a funeral, the sister of someone from our church, i took 'liverpool lady', nora and we collected gloria. the service was in an apostate anglican church, it was dreadful. mary worship, idolatry, the lot, gross, i felt quite sick, its a good job i am not a violent woman i might have punched the vicar, when i think of all those martyrs who were burnt at the stake, grrrr. we went to the 'do' afterwards to show solidarity, there were quite a few from our church which was nice. afterwards nora came back for a cup of tea, then it was almost time for 'liverpool lady' to go home, she is coming again in november time. i have enjoyed having her, although its meant not much to myself.

the 'best' part of the day was taking menekse for her tetanus/polio/diptheria booster those of you who know us will know that she is needle phobic. ever since she had a febrile convulsion at 21 months and had to have, among other things, a lumbar puncture. so, she can sit ok in the waiting room, she can sit ok in the chair, i asked the nurse if we could just get on with it asap, i stood at the back of menekse, at which point she lost control, now, she is taller than me these days and holding her is pretty difficult, she went totally hysterical. crying, and struggling. i, of course, had to be mean, i am a mum, that's my job. eventually the nurse just stabbed and hoped for the best which of course made it bleed!! i hurriedly mopped the blood up with her black t-shirt and assured her it was fine. how on earth she is ever going to have children is beyond me.

i spent the rest of the afternoon washing my hair and resting, i feel quite relieved to have the house back to ourselves, but of course we must clean tomorrow in readiness for the extravaganza of visitors this weekend. when we got back from the funeral at 12.15 i was mildly irritated to find that the children hadn't been up long and were still in their pyjamas!! couldn't they have at least tidied up a bit? do i have to leave instructions *all* the time? they are teenagers, they know the cleaning etc has to be done, they know what their chores are, but i still have to ask for EVERYTHING to be done, which is very wearing. i shall give this problem some thought over the next couple of weeks and see if i can come up with a solution. after all, its not as if i was at the hairdressers or getting a manicure this morning, i was at a funeral with 3 pensioners!!!!

my plans for meric continue apace. because of the visitors etc we are actually not really doing school work at present. we have done a bit of moving around in amongst the cleaning. menekse wants to work in her room, so she has taken all her school stuff in there, we will see if it works, she finds meric too distracting and she wants to get on with her work. i am determined to remain calm in the face of ALL of merics' time wasting tactics. i have decided that whatever 'essentials' he doesn't get done in the morning will have to be done in the evenings. i will give him until 12.30 p.m. lunchtime, then our afternoon activities will not be disrupted. i have also made a 'reminder' list which i have printed out, laminated and stuck to his desk >" class="middle"> it covers all his time wasting opportunities!! 'have you done inhalers' 'have you got tissues' 'have you got a drink' etc etc. tee hee. he hasn't a clue. he keeps asking me what my plan is and i am being mysterious!! lets see how it goes. watch this space.

on the 22nd we are going to our yearly christian conference at the high leigh centre, hoddeston, i am starting to get excited, the preaching and fellowship is always wonderful, i always come away feeling refreshed and revitalised, and its nice not having anything to do for a few days except listen and chat.

well, dd is waiting for the computer, tomorrow we clean and cook, i don't mind the cooking but i don't like the cleaning. still at least i am not dull. goodnight God bless.

back again 10.8.05

well, i can't believe its been 5 days since i was last here. how time flies when you are having fun. actually, i know this is really sad, but i have quite missed not blogging!!

my 'liverpool lady' visitor arrived on saturday, i think she has had a nice time, although our house is always chaotic and since she is a spinster i imagine her house is very quiet but she hasn't complained, so far!!

so we just spent saturday cleaning and tidying up, of course dd is at work every night, so its mainly just me and meric.

oh, i forgot, on friday meric had to get out of swimming as his chest was bad, he has asthma and various allergies, i don't know if it's the time of year that is making it worse just now. anyway, by sunday morning he was worse, so we went to the out of hours doctor, we waited an hour, the consultation took 5 minutes, we got antibiotics and increased his orange inhaler. people complain about the NHS, not me, i think we are incredibly lucky, i have had to get medical treatment in turkiye and feel very privileged to have access to such good free medical treatment 24/7.

anyway, 'liverpool lady' came to church with us on sunday and then went home with some other friends of hers, we had a lovely sunday dinner together just the family, it was all a bit of a rush and my yorkies weren't that great, but still it was lovely to all sit together and eat.

monday i spent getting ready for the committee meeting at swimming, i had forgotten to do the minutes (too much blogging, lol). my youngest sister came for the evening so that was nice, she caught up with her email and mums blog whilst i was out. 'liverpool lady' didn't like the tea i made - she doesn't eat rice, garlic etc, no use asking if she wants a kebab then .

tuesday my sister wanted to get to hull, so i took her at the same time as doing cash and carry for my husband, big mistake going late afternoon, i thought i was never going to get out of hull alive, the traffic was ridiculous!! plus, i had invited some swimming friends for pizza and a video. needless to say when they got here elizabeth and i spent the whole evening chatting whilst the kids played on the x-box, menekse was disapointed to miss it but we had a really nice time, i am going to ask them again before scouts starts again.

today i have been busy with some swimming club work, we had an early morning prayer meeting at church so that was lovely and we were all up early too which was excellent, then it was round to big als for a bacon buttie. 'liverpool lady' went on the outreach and then up to another friends house, so i think she has had a nice stay. menekse sorted and cleaned her bedroom ready for the turkish family. she had made a really nice job of it as usual, she tries so hard to keep everything nice, she works hard at keeping her clothes nice and makes sure she is always clean and tidy when she goes out. she is really making a beautiful young lady, i am so proud of her i could burst. we have had a big drama, well, two actually. firstly menekse lost the watch mum bought her for christmas, she was devastated as it was the first 'good' watch she has ever had. i am sure it is in the house so i feel confident it will turn up. she has also recently bought herself some new clothes, with her own money, she wanted some of them washing. i told her i would do it whilst she finished her bedroom, but no, because i didn't jump up immediately she went and did it herself. now, seriously, who puts a NEW black skirt in with white stuff?

so, all her lovely new clothes are a dirty shade of grey, she cried
i sent her to tescos for some rescue stuff and i am just about to sort it out for her, i hope i can get it all back to good as new.

anyway, i have to go and put that stuff in the washer and get ready for swimming - meric isn't going because his chest is still not right. so i will be back later hopefully. my daughter has started a blog too!!

calm in the midst of chaos...5.8.05

its quite remarkable, my life is in danger of becoming a whirlwind of chaos within the next 10 days and i feel remarkably calm about it.

yesterday, of course, my 'up early and into the school room' plan didnt quite come off as i ended up driving to york and back. however it wasnt a total loss. we did do some school work and i did manage to stay calm in the face of extreme time wasteing tactics. i just didnt say anything. nor did i give the xbox handles out when i went to collect gloria for church i talked to my medium sister on the phone and then we went to church.

after church meric tried to get on the computer, but since he didnt do as i had asked him i wouldnt let him! eventually i hope he will just realise what is happening and the penny will drop. we have bought the stuff to start our own history timeline, its copied from something i saw online, and is something designed to take a long time, one of those ongoing projects, i was hoping it would inspire and motivate him - no sign of it yet, but menekse is very keen to start her own!! i had a migraine type headache after church so i went to bed early, in the hope i would sleep better. i didn't.

this morning the children were up before me, which is quite remarkable. i took menekse to riding, leaving meric with his pile of books, then i took jacquelines phone, wallet, purse etc through to scarborough to her friend claire, so she will at last have them back. whilst in scarborough i had a delicious hot roast pork sandwich in a baguette with apple sauce and crackling, thats the 'trouble' with being married to a muslim - roast pork opportunities are few and far between. (at this very moment meric is sat with his book open and he is just staring into space, i am remaining calm, i wonder when he will notice).

so, what about the whirlwind of chaos i hear you ask. well, sometime ago i invited a lady from liverpool to come and stay 'anytime', i have already had to put her off once due to mums departure to foreign parts. so, she wanted to come on the 11th until about the 15th of august. no problem.

then the visiting minister is coming on the 13th to the 15th. still no problem, we have a spare room and dd will have to give her room up and go in with ds.

then we got an email from friends in turkiye, they are coming on the 13th for a few days as part of their holiday to turkiye. slight problem.

so i rearrange 'liverpool lady', farm 'minister guy' out for sunday dinner with someone from church and thats all ok.

then, dd arranges with liverpool friend emily for her to come here on the 13th overnight before they take menekse back to liverpool for a week. panic.

but, no its ok, 'liverpool lady' is going in the spare room, she goes home on the 11th or 12th, i wash the sheets and put 'minister guy' in there on saturday 13th for two nights. 'turkish family' arrive 13th, they go in daughters room with a lilo for their daughter, my daughter and her friend go in sons room for one night and he sleeps somewhere in the house on the floor - his favourite place to sleep anyway. problem solved. now i can spend the next week cleaning and wondering what i am going to feed them all. i think i will make sunday dinner on saturday and some sort of stew for sunday that is stress free, relatively. or we might take the turks out for fish and chips.

menekse is staying in liverpool until the 22nd, she is then travelling to high leigh with the liverpool contingent in the 'battle wagon' - i hope there is room, then she will come back from high leigh with us before going to leeds to babysit my beautiful niece. it all sounds relatively easy and painless doesn't it? (he is in the toilet now, for the hundredth time today, i don't think its a bladder condition, and i am still calm )

menekse has gone to work, meric and i are continuing to work, well, i am doing this and looking on line for routes to high leigh and he is downstairs sorting out his swimming bag. really, its poetry in motion.

i have to go to swimming tonight, the local paper is coming to take a photo of our Swim21 certificate, since i am the Swim21 co-ordinator the chairman wants me in the picture, i hate having my photo taken, nevertheless i will go early and get sandra in the shop to french plait my hair. i know it was alot of work, but it wasnt as hard as i thought it was going to be once i got going and i could really do without everyone saying 'i saw you in the paper'. at least i might get a bit more reading done at swimming, thats if no-one talks to me, seriously, what is that, they see you are reading and not making eye contact but still come and sit there and talk about, well, not much really. i know i know, i shouldn't be so anti-social.

my email situation is also playing on my mind, i have quite a few to reply to, i will try to do it tomorrow, i quite like not having anything to do on tuesdays and saturdays during the holidays, its just not long enough. when we have those quiet evenings it makes me wish we didn't do outside activities like some homeschoolers i know, mind you then the cry of 'what about socialisation' would echo incessantly in my ears. off i go to swimming club.

insomnia and plans 4.8.05

for some reason which i don't understand i have started to 'suffer' with insomnia (i use the inverted commas because i am not really sure that suffer is the right word, i suppose it is for those people who get it all the time). last night as i sat at this computer i felt really tired, so i went to bed, at which point i woke up, i listened to business news and analysis on the world service, but remained wide awake. obviously therefore i didnot get up that early this morning. what i need to do i suppose is force myself to get up early regardless of how much sleep i have had and then stay awake all day until bedtime.

then, our daughter called, the bus from york was very complicated and for some reason didn't come all the way home, in the end i said i would go and collect her. i sorted merics desk out and laid out his work, i left him a list of things to do and went, feeling calm and peaceful. the drive to york was quite pleasant and gave me some thinking time whilst i listened to radio 4. collected menekse ok and then came home. so i was out of the house over two hours.

during that time meric had managed to get dressed and walk the dog, he had also fed himself, he had not, however, tidied up after himself or done any school work to speak of, half a maths lesson and a spelling lesson. we are now sat in the school room, i am determined to remain calm and dignified whilst he plods away, i am wondering how long it will be before he realises that i am not nagging him but neither is he getting his own way!! watch this space to see who caves first!! please let it be him!! i will pray for much patience and wisdom. menekse went straight to bed when she got home, exhausted from cycling to the stable yard and working there i think, also late nights and early mornings as her friend has a paper round. i think being there for several days opened menekses eyes to how differently some people live their lives.

general musings 3.8.05

Well, what to say, not alot really - nothing of any substance anyway. i am feeling slightly better today than i have for quite some time.

for one reason and another this year has been pretty stressful, moving my mum was hard, not physically - although she has an enormous amount of stuff in boxes now!! but emotionally too, we put her whole life, virtually, into storage. also, it was difficult leaving Evergreen, mum looked after elderly people with dementia, after my stepfather jack died from alzheimers, for mum, well all of us, evergreen was really a labour of love, jack had alzheimers before it became 'well known' - so mum struggled with no help for a long time and thats how she ended up at evergreen, jack died almost 15 years ago, but she carried on trying to raise awareness and care standards, so leaving the residents and the staff was really difficult - because the house was just like a big home/family really. anyway, that was hard. then we had difficulties at home - of the financial kind like everyone i suppose, my poor husband was like a bear with a sore head and at one point i did wonder about our marriage. i was very ill during may with a chest infection, when i eventually went to the doctor he diagnosed mild depression and stress too, so i have an anti-depressant (perhaps i really am crazy!!). i am aware that one of the things i am prone to doing is trying to please all of the people all of the time, which causes me major anxiety, i have started to have mild panic attacks, now perhaps this is my age (i am after all a lady of a certain age), but frankly i think its because i am losing my marbles. i think it would be pretty easy to become agraphobic. i am ok as long as our routine stays the same - but as soon as anything happens to interrupt it i feel anxious, i am already hyperventilating about the turkish visitors next week, not least because i have been to their *beautiful tidy* apartment and now they are coming here!! with the hole in the kitchen floor, no decent units in there, doors missing off the ones that are there, dust several inches thick and books and papers everywhere, and then there is the bathroom - tiles coming off the wall and a shower that can only be used in a particular way. when meric is old enough i am going to send him to nightschool or something to learn diy so that he can do jobs in our house and when he is married he will be able to look after his own house properly.

anyway, back to my tale of woe, our daughter also went through a bit of a bad time being kind of bullied, bizarrely by people she thought she could trust and it was kind of racism too, someone was compilng a dossier on her to give to me, sending threatening text messages, very unpleasant, so of course that was very stressful, especially since the parents of one of the boys are family friends (not any more obviously, he is their golden boy and i know they will not believe anything bad about him, much less that he is a bully). anyway, i made her cut off contact from all of these young people, so, she struggles with lonliness anyway. since they were christians - well, of course it all added to my feelings about my faith which i have been struggling with for some time.

i havent beena able to maintain a consistent quiet time with the Lord, i have felt apathetic about going to church (partly to do with the minister i think and he is gone now!), i have failed to pray with and for the children, the longer it goes on the more guilty and awful i feel - i mean, what a privilege to be able to go to the God of all creation, the One who knows the begining from the end and lay out all my burdens and petitions before Him and what do i do? throw it back in His face. i have even lost interest in reading - which as anyone who knows me will testify is a major crisis for me. anyway, i went to the doctor, got anti-depressants and did start to feel a bit better, but not alot, still struggling with prayer etc. so in the end i went to my home-ed list, why oh why didnt i do that first? that list is such a blessing, people are so kind and comforting, and i just know that when they say they are praying they mean it. today i really feel alot better, i feel like a burden has been lifted, i hope it stays away.

whilst i have been helping erdinc out at the shop, not something i have done very much of before, i have been reading my book by alan cairns 'footprints of faith' its really a daily readings book, for use as a devotional, but i have been reading it sort of straight through, its an easy and comforting read and has spoken to me quite a bit about my walk with the Lord, i am also making a concerted effort to listen to the bible and read it too. today i feel more positive and alot happier. i hope i get a good nights sleep - i havent been sleeping well, partly i think because of the whole stressed out thing and also because we really need a new bed (lol, seems like our whole house is falling down, its not really, its a lovely house and i am very thankful that we have so much space).

so, i have decided that tomorrow i am going to get up early, pray a little, listen to the bible a little, get meric up and then i am going to try something new with him for school.....i am going to bring my sewing up here and just sit quietly whilst he works, i am going to ignore the pauses and fidgeting, i will not allow him to leave the room until 'break' and he will just have to sit in here until its all done, maybe eventually he will realise that the quicker he gets it done the quicker he gets out.

my lovely little sister (i have two) has written a comment about the film, after reading it i feel perhaps i was too harsh and cynical, so, when our turkish visitors are here i am thinking that their daughter might like to go and see it and i will try and look at it through more child like eyes.

well, it seems like i have written a book tonight, and if i am to get up early then i need to go to bed early, so here i go....watch this space to see if my plan worked.

charlie and the chocolate factory....2.8.05

i probably should say straight away that i am not a big fan of roald dahl, his books are too weird and surreal for me, i read 'the enormous crocodile' to my children when they were younger, indeed i have bought a copy for my lovely almost-10-month-old niece. however, thats as far as it goes for me, our daughter read some of his books but our son never bothered. however they wanted to go and see the film, now, generally speaking i LOVE the cinema and i LOVE kids films (why is there no list for films on this site?) - finding nemo, shrek, lion king, virtually anything by disney in fact. i dont actually recall seeing the original CATCF, i have seen bits - i knew what to expect from the oompah lumpahs for example.

anyway, i can sense i am rambling. i took our son and his friend, they have been friends since they were five, and we have maintained it even though meric is now home-schooled and J goes to 'big school'. the film was really well done, jonny depp was an excellent willy wonka, indeed i thought all the main characters were very good, it was the overall feeling of the film - ever since obi won said how hard it is acting in front of a blue screen special effects have never been the same for me. i should think that dahl officinados (spelling? answers on a postcard please) thought it was wonderful, but for me the overwhelming of CGI was, well, overpowering!! when i watch the original disney snow white, for example, i am awestruck by the talent of the cartoonists, even with nemo i felt the talent of the artists was clear to see (also monsters inc), but today with CATCF, well, it seemed to be all *obviously* CGI - and therefore not realistic. now, clearly, i know its not real, but surely part of the joy of the cinema is to lose oneself a little. well, probably not if you go to all films, but we only do 12s maximum and not all of those. and there are some in my denomination who dont do the cinema at all - to them i say get rid of your tv and stop watching soaps, then you wont seem quite so hypocritical. i am digressing, again
i dont want to 'dis' (to use the vernacular) the creators of this film - i am sure that it takes just as much talent and imagination to put together CATCF as it did to do snow white (and certainly all the kids in the audience thought it was wonderful), its just that, for me, it seems a bit like cheating!!

one other thing, i found myself, during the film, thinking about how i would write this up in my blog - does that mean i am addicted to writing to myself?

Mondays 1.8.05

so sunday was pretty good. brian foreman preached two excellent sermons. we had a lovely sunday dinner, i collected meric from scout camp, he had had a good time in spite of the rain.

last night i received an email from some friends of ours in turkiye, they are coming to the uk and are going to visit us for a few days, i am really looking forward to it, we have known them along time - and i think my mother in law is friends with the mum of ayhan. anyway, i am going to have to do some re-organising, a lady from liverpool was going to come the same week but i will change her, we will also have a visiting minister for the weekend, but that wont matter. so, it looks like we will have a house full of people again, which is lovely, i do like having visitors despite the state of the kitchen!!

menekse went off to york this morning, on the bus with her riding gear. i must be mad. i let her go without knowing the address or phone number of where she is or anything!! what kind of irresonsible parent am i? its not as bad as it sounds, i know where she has gone and have met the family several times. so meric and i have a few days home alone, trying to get some school work done....

which brings me to this morning, we started work at round 10 a.m., i am being charitable here, it might have been a bit earlier. so far meric has done one work sheet (pbs), one maths lesson plus corrections.....and thats it, he has been to tescos too and had lunch. i have decided i am not going to get stressed about it. i am going to keep myself busy in the school room right at the side of him, a bit like tomato staking, and just keep telling him what to do. i know i havent been coping very well lately, suffering with stress and depression in light of all that has happened this year, and i think the difficulties i have with meric not being motivated do make me feel worse - i feel like a failure. but, i have a plan, we need to pray *alot*, then i am just going to keep him busy working at school work or doing chores - since all he wants to do is sit around watching a screen i am going to stop him doing that for most of the day, i am greatly tempted to cut the plugs off the two t.v.s but feel thats not really fair on my poor husband - it wouldnt bother me, i could live without the wretched thing, but when he comes home from work in the middle of the night and we are all asleep he watches football etc. i also intend, when all other work is done, to start meric off on some of the stuff out of 'plants grown up' some comments on my homeschooling list have given me some ideas about this. i am trying not to be too ambitious, and with having visitors i may not get properly on track until after high leigh, but at least i have a plan, i am going to spend the next few weeks working on getting up early, going to bed early and being diligent about work.

anyway, i am off to help in the shop tonight and i really need to wash my hair this means meric will be home alone for a while before swimming......i wonder what he will choose to do? answers on postcard.....

comments - comment back or not?

I am not exactly sure of the netiquette regarding comments left on ones blog, someone has left me a comment, which just goes to show that someone must be reading this, i thought i was here alone. skip2468 wrote this....

"Be careful not to be too carried away with religion as it can be the cause of major problems. After all, nearly all the wars through the ages have been conflicts of religion. Keep on smiling"

I have to say that i agree with him, after all, i am married to a muslim - so i regularly hear about the crusades from those i love
so perhaps i should just clarify, i dont think of myself as religious, its true to say that i am a christian - born again, saved, whatever terminology you choose. i dont label myself with a denomination as i think sometimes that is unhelpful, what i prefer to say is that i am a Bible Believing Christian, that is to say that i believe ALL of the bible, from Genesis 1 to Revelation 22, i go to a particular church because i happen to think its the best one around, not perfect by any means, but seperate from the ecumenical movement, from the world council of churches, uncompromising, not liberal or modern in anyway and definitely no contemporary christian music. some would say i am a Reformed Christian - ie after the style of the reformers such as Luther, Calvin et al. so, i agree with what skip2468 says - and indeed try to follow the teaching of my Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ in my life - He tells us to let our light so shine before men, and to walk circumspectly that those around us may be won without a word (actually i think that refers to unbelieving husbands, but i suppose its something that can be applied to everyone).
i have been given the greatest free gift of all time - my sins are forgiven and i have eternity in heaven with God, the Lord Jesus Christ paid a full and final price for my sins at Calvary, so, of course i want others to know Him, i want others to have that free gift, i hope that those i love (and those i dont!!) will see something of my Saviour in me and that they will want it for themselves.
its true that many wars (all maybe?) are caused by religion or belief systems, but if we read and digest the bible then we can see that nowhere does it advocate forcing christianity on people - the crusades were anti-biblical, just as muslims say that so-called terrorists are not acting in the name of true islam (at the risk of being controversial i would disagree but there we are). anyway, i hope that clarifies a little of what i believe - i dont think i am carried away with religion, but rather that i try to live my life by faith in the One who knows the begining from the end, the One who is in control of all things, the true God of the Bible.

a quiet day...30.7.05

we have had a quiet day today, menekse was up until the small hours talking on msn - she says the seagulls kept her awake!! so obviously we were not up early! we went in town to buy some new pyjamas for her before she goes to stay at her friends next week. in marks and spencer we saw S who seems to be trying to make contact, she smiles madly and even waved today, she seems to have completely forgotten that she threw us out of her home and said she wanted nothing to do with anyone staying behind in the church, we were all terribly hurt and upset, it took a great deal for me to stay - it was only because i was so sure that it is what the Lord wanted me to do, and i dont feel any differently now, i dont understand why they couldnt just respect the way God was leading me, why i was expected to follow the leading of a child and then be 'punished' for not doing that by the removal of their friendship, i wonder if they think they can come back to church now that cairin has left? how would i feel if they did, well, its nothing to do with me, but i certainly would not get back into a close relationship with them - once bitten, twice shy, i have to protect myself and the kids at the end of the day and do what i think is right before the Lord.
so, we got the pyjamas and then had lunch at Leos, it was nice just to have that time together, mother and daughter, i enjoyed it, we chatted about nothing in particular, menekse threw her drink all over me and the floor she seems to be making a fool of herself pretty regularly just now.
then i went to tescos - which was *hideous* so so busy and full of holidaymakers - i know i know, we shouldnt complain, but seriously they seem to forget that some of us are NOT on holiday and that we are just trying to get on with our lives.
tonight i have spent the time on the computer, answering some email, doing some blogging and listening to the bible. it has been very nice. long may it last. not really, i feel all out of sorts when one of them isn't here and sort of wander around in a daze not sure of what to do, i dread to think what i will be like when they are grown up and have left home.

growing pains...29.7.05

i think its me suffering from growing pains. now that i am the mother of two teenagers i feel suddenly old, my husband says he feels no different, but for me each birthday is an emotional milestone as i think back to the day they were born. of course there is an added poignancy as it was when i was pregnant with menekse that i started on my quest for the truth about God and i was then saved whilst pregnant with meric. anyway, i took meric to scout camp tonight, he looks so tall and grown up now that he is wearing long trousers - i never thought i would see the day mind you, i always thought he would go to university or whatever in shorts. he was being all cool and grown up and of course no hint of a hug or anything when i left just a casual 'bye then'. so, i am home alone tonight, until menekse comes home from work that is. tomorrow i am going to take her shopping for pyjamas and lunch together, that will be nice

Poo - part two....29.7.05

Well, amazingly the police took my complaint seriously!! i had two phone calls assuring me of an impending visit and then a female pc came this morning, she talked to meric and took all the details of the incident and then went to call on the guy and give him a warning, she was very supportive and understood why i had called them - i told her that my husband would have just gone up there and punched the guy if i had told him about it! she said we had done well not to do just that! anyway, she went round and told them they were being warned and if there was any more trouble action would be taken - it seems that anti-social behaviour really is being dealt with.

i had more good news today, stephen, the webmaster of the silk route club, is helping me with the blog for south america, he is going to be co-author and has helped with photos etc, he leaves for s.a. after christmas which is why we are having to have something seperate, hopefully by the time he goes i will be au fait with what to do.

meric goes to scout camp this evening, its only two nights, but still it means i will be home alone in the evenings with menekse at work, a rare treat, i intend to read. so, we spent the morning packing his ruck sack and getting all his stuff ready, just need to go to the chemist to collect his inhalers. once again we have done little or no work, menekse went horse riding and now they are both out delivering menus for the shop - good kids, erdinc is at cash and carry so i am home alone again!! its nice to have a bit of peace and quiet. someone asked me if i worry about not getting any work done, i dont. the great benefit of homeschooling is that education takes place ALL the time - as our philosophy says 'education is always and everywhere' - we had to supply the LEA with a philosophy. so, even though we are not getting a great deal done presently next week we might do loads, also, the main aim for me is to encourage a love of learning in the children and to facillitate that learning, so that even without me and my help they will be able to teach themselves whatever they want or need to learn. of course that is from an academic or schooly point of view, the great thing about homeschooling for me is that the children will be grounded in their christian faith and have a christian worldview with which to view the world around them. they are already so articulate and able to state their points of view with clarity - especially when i hear and see other children who are 'in the system' - as far as i am concerned homeschooling is the best thing we ever did and i consider it a privilege and a blessing to have two such wonderful children to educate.

some friends of mine have just had their 11th baby, she has downs syndrome and it appears she will have to have heart surgery. i have taken the liberty of sending them the book about sally, now i am anxious that they will be offended, i dont think they will, but who knows, its too late now as it is on its way.

so, what to do about the morning thing, the problem is just now i am not sleeping that well, i seem to spend several hours a night awake listening to the world service, i think i should read - but putting the light on and getting a book seems like admitting defeat, or perhaps i could pray, but, the problem is if i am awake in the night for hours i then cant get up, so when i wake up i feel duty bound to do all i can to get back to sleep, perhaps i should just give in to the insomnia and make good use of the time. my wonderful niece, who is only 8 months old, doesnt sleep, she is currently in 'boot camp' but she does have an excuse, she is only 8 months old! trouble is my poor sister is exhausted - she doesnt have the luxury of having a lie in like i do. anyway, whats the answer to changing ones body clock? i seem to work on bed by 12.30, asleep by 1 ish then awake about 9 ish, i would like to be in bed by 10.30, asleep by 11 and up by 6.30 - when i get up early i get so much more done, and feel i havent 'wasted the day', but no matter how hard i try getting up early is just so hard, it takes me about 45 minutes to come round!!
well, thats enough rambling from me. need to go and get something done

a day in the life of our homeschool....28.7.05

meric had a pretty bad day today, we are working through most of the holidays due to time off earlier in the year helping mum move etc (anyone wanting to read the south america blog can check it out here http://southamerica05.blog.co.uk/main/ not much there at present but there will be photos etc once they get off the boat).

i digress.

so, today even though the morning was pretty well lost we did do some school work, watching meric look for any excuse to avoid doing work is truly poetry in motion - he is an expert at time wasting, 'need the toilet' 'need a tissue' 'need an antihistamine' 'need a cup of tea' 'need more sugar' and so it goes on, i can literally hear the cogs going round his brain as he thinks of more and more reasons to leave the school room, it just makes me more and more thankful to the Lord God that we homeschool - imagine if meric was at school - he would defintely be special needs, illiterate and probably on ritalin or something. anyway, with me sat at the side of him 'chivvying' him along he did manage to get something done. the problem is he is basically lazy and has no motivation, he just wants to laze around all day watching whatever screen happens to be operating - be it tv, computer or x-box (the worst thing we ever bought if anyone is interested). its ok but it does mean i get little done in the way of housework etc, because as soon as i leave the room he just downs tools, i dont think its ALL disobedience, i think some of it is some kind of forgetfulness, distractedness or something. anyway, i have determined that in this new academic year it is something we are going to work on, if he is going to make it as a maths professor we need to get his nose to the grindstone. menekse, otoh, works like a trojan at her topic of the moment - i have trouble getting her to do the whole range of subjects, her current passion is politics, we are hoping to do a-level government and politics next year. the day wasnt a total waste though - meric cooked tea more or less on his own (home-economics) under my supervision and also learnt how to iron a shirt properly, i have sent him to bed early as he spent all day complaining about how tired he is. and i want to get up early tomorrow, yes yes yes, i know, i am not that good at getting up.

the bible study was excellent, and everyone was there who usually comes which is a good thing. brian spoke about enoch who walked with and pleased God in the face of tremendous apostasy, it was very good and certainly a word in season for me. afterwards we had a look at the resources we have been left for the childrens work, i think we will be ok, i need to pray about this alot though as i will be doing the story most likely and perhaps we will get a sunday school going as well, that would be great, i asked brian about a youth fellowship, i know he has alot on but the teenagers need something.

anyway, one of my teenagers wants the computer so i best get to bed.

Poo - to bin or not to bin and sundry other thoughts...28.7.05

Well, its Thursday and so far my week has not gone according to plan. our friends from liverpool (well, birkenhead) came over on tuesday, they stayed overnight, emily and her dad john, so of course the girls were up late talking nineteen to the dozen, i went to the shop to work instead of menekse, its amazing to me when i think of how i used to run the front of house at the fish and chip shop with a queue out of the door, but nowadays when half a dozen customers come in for kebabs i panic!! i am turning into a recluse by the looks of things.

i did manage to get up early on wednesday morning for the early prayer meeting, i was glad i had made the effort. nora and i went for a bacon sandwich afterwards, it was nice just the two of us, she is very upset, as i am, about the way cairin and cherith have left the church, we dont know what is going on and why he is still here but not working - of course i think its because they dont want to be part of our church, they dont like the english, i never realised that the northern irish disliked the english so much - i think its racism and i am married to a foreigner and get regular harrassment from the NF, which reminds me, what on earth do the BNP think they are doing selling their filth in bridlington of all places? anyway, we are praying that God will bring us a minister with a heart for Him and a burden for the mainland, certainly we need more godly men to faithfully preach the Gospel. true national repentance is our only hope in these times.

anyway, after the prayer meeting we all went together out on the boat the Yorkshire Belle, it was pretty chilly, but sunny, the layers of dead things forming the cliffs were clearly visible, how on earth people dont realise that its a result of the flood is beyond me - its so obvious. then emily and john went home, i took meric swimming, had a chat with elizabeth, i am hoping to be able to witness to her but know i cant do that unless i get my own prayer life back on track, i took my books with me, audrey came and sat with me but then moved when others came - i think the books on the table make her feel guilty for disturbing me, but i do value that time on my own at swimming, for me that is the biggest drawback to homeschooling - i dont have time for my own time with the Lord and i have little reading time, in the evening by the time we have done swimming training and cooked and cleaned up i am too tired, i am trying to alter the time i get up in the mornings - get up early and go to bed earlier, perhaps that will help, but i am just not a morning person, its the one thing about myself i would change.

today, thursday, we didnt get up that early, i had some errands to do and menekse and i both had our hair cut, but not short obviously - if our hair is our glory and we are not to look like men why have short hair - i dont understand christians who are so legalistic about covering their hair when they have cut it all off, whats the point, read the whole scripture then grow your hair and cover it, thats the right thing to do, i am increasingly convicted about covering my hair all the time but if i did that my family would think i have really lost the plot - but, otoh, does it matter what they think, shouldnt i do what God wants me to do?

our 13 year old son took our little lhaso apso out for a walk today, i have always taught them to clear up her poo after she has 'been', we use nappy sacks, we then put the very small bag in the first available bin - sometimes a public bin but usually a household green weelie bin, i would have no objection to this - i would be relieved that the person had cleared up the poo. anyway, today our son was shouted at in a very abusive manner and threatened, the guy used threatening and disgusting language so i rang the police and reported it, seems like its not that safe out on the streets for decent teenage boys - he does wear a hoody but didnt have one on today, am i over reacting? i could have understood it if meric had left the poo outside the guys gate for him to step in, but in a bag in his bin? its not as if the guy even has to empty his own bin, what are things coming to? people are so routinely unpleasant these days, just aggressive all the time in the way they speak and the way they behave, selfish too.

anyway, meric is going to cook tea tonight - he is learning how to make risotto, its one of his favourite dishes, then we are off to the bible study/prayer meeting, it will be brian which is nice, he is such a good preacher nowadays.

so perhaps i will be back tomorrow, i wonder how many photos could be held on one of these blogs and how they are uploaded?

the best laid plans.... 25.7.05

We had a lovely if uneventful Sunday. the three of us went to church together as usual in the morning, then, because of my disorganisation and lack of planning we had to buy lunch, i don't like shopping on a sunday, i am sure it breaks the relevant commandment, plus its a bad witness and so i feel guilty, i would like to give the whole day to the Lord - after all He gives me the rest of the week and so much more, i know that my husband is not a christian - but sometimes i feel like i use that as an excuse too often. anyway, we bought ready cooked chicken and baguettes the children love that kind of lunch. Menekse had to work in the evening so Meric and i went to church alone, it was the ministers last meeting, and his wife and kids, it was very low key, i feel badly let down and irritated by how this last move has been handled, as a congregation we haven't had the opportunity to give thanks for the work they have done over the last 5 years, we don't really know what is going on, it all leaves rather a nasty taste, i am looking forward with some apprehension to the visiting ministers - i want to be sure that we get the right man for the job - Gods man, preferably someone who wants to be here in england and isn't anti-english.

due to time off earlier in the year helping my mum move out of her home we are meant to be working through the summer school holidays, i intended to get up early this morning and do a full days school - well, that actually only takes a morning, then we spend the afternoons doing extras. but of course none of us woke up, so we ended up wasting the morning, which i am now regreting. i did manage to plough my way through the huge piles of paper in the kitchen - where does it all come from? it appeared to be taking over the whole kitchen - indeed my sister recommended i just go around with a black bag, but what if there is something in the pile that i cant live without? so, i went through it all, most of it went in the recylcing. i do often wonder about those people who live in clutter free, minimalist homes, where do they put all that stuff? all those things that come in the post that must be kept 'just in case', where do they put the piles of books they are reading, or the laundry that needs sorting? where do they put the collection of remote controls which seems to be getting bigger and bigger every week and we don't have sky nor do we watch much tv. its one of lifes great mysteries.

tomorrow our friends are coming over from birkenhead, emily and her dad john, they are staying overnight which will be nice. don't know what to cook for them though, they seem to eat quite plainly - would a mild curry be too adventurous i wonder? today i just have swimming club to get through, an hour of scintillating conversation whilst watching meric swim up and down the lane 100 times or so!! when we come back i intend to get my prayer life back on track, i have been struggling with my own quiet time and i know i can't function properly without it, plus its not a good witness to the kids, so, my intention this evening is to listen to the bible, i have the discs myself but it can be accessed online too http://www.audio-bible.com/bible/bible.html alexander scourby reads it so well. then i am going to pray, prayer really is the christians lifeblood and there is so much to pray for just now, the state of the nation, my family, a new minister, the sick etc etc. perhaps that is part of the problem - there is so much to be prayed for it seems a bit overwhelming, in the words of the song i shall start at the very begining. so, perhaps i will be back later tonight, perhaps not. i am not sure anyone actually reads this anyway, no-one knows i am writing it.

almost midnight...2.7.05

As I sit here at 11.40 p.m. waiting for our daughter to come home I am struck by how relieved I am to have our home back to ourselves, how I have enjoyed having this evening to myself and really doing NOTHING. I left our son downstairs playing on his x-box, not something he is generally allowed to do for hours on end. I am making the most of it because on Monday we are starting school, we had quite a bit of time off helping my mum to move house - well, sell her business and put her life in storage really, then we were helping her to get ready for south america, I was ill, then we had my friends daughter to visit - which went really well and we had a good time, but still, its nice to have house back to ourselves, I should have spent the evening reading or something more useful, I now feel guilty because I didn't do that, I have big plans for Monday after I have enjoyed our Sunday, although at present I am in a mild state of panic as we have nothing for Sunday Lunch which is usually an Event in our home.

So school starts on Monday, we are going to do a project on the British Constitution which looks interesting, dear daughter has developed an interest in all things political, which is fine - and part of the whole point of home-education I suppose - interest led study. Meanwhile its as much as I can to keep dear sons nose to the grindstone - I truly believe he would be illiterate if he was at school - he just doesn't really want to work, is it a boy thing? I love home-edding, I wish we had started from scratch, and I wish I had known then what I know now - don't we all. Its a wonderful thing to learn along with the children and then to realise that they have surpassed me - in maths for example,

Well, I suppose I should at least get ready for bed, otherwise no-one will wake up in the morning, but dd will be high as a kite when she comes home - work has that effect on her, long may it last, perhaps we will watch Casualty, we watch two programmes a week, plus the news, and mostly we have to video those two programmes because we are busy. But again, if I had my time over I would do without a tv, it is the thief of time without a doubt.

my first blog....24.7.05

As a result of a new list I have joined I found this interesting blog http://humblemusings.com/ from there I ended up at http://thehappyhusband.com/ where I read about the poem 'Where I'm From' - it was quite interesting reading where people are from, a different approach to the usual bio one reads online, so I gave it some thought........

Where Julie is From

I am from a bag of books, pencils and paper, from Heinz Tomato Soup and bread and butter, from Cadburys.

I am from the chaos, the purple moments, the generosity and craziness of wild ideas and schemes of those older and wiser than me.

I am from the dales, the moors the wild and windy east coast of Yorkshire, from war stories and Being British.

I am from hospitality and giving of self, I am from weeping and laughing in equal measure, from mourning and rejoicing.

From the statue in City Square, Leeds and counting coins before I could count numbers.

I am from Churchianity and ritual until I was called by my Saviour to be a Daughter of the King.

I'm from Essex,Yorkshire and Calvary, from wendy-maureen, wilf and jack, from Sunday dinners - roast beef and yorkshire puddings.

From grandma driving a tractor through floods to deliver elsen
buckets, little nanny and shepherds pie, and a mum who drove to china in a camper van

I am from photos and memories in boxes, in storage, in cabinets, from
ornaments that are broken but too precious to throw out, from old fashioned cine films, postcard collections and the like.

Anyway, when I had finished thinking that over and emailing it to my sister, I thought perhaps I would like to start a blog, not that I am particularly fascinating or that I have anything earth shattering to share with others, it just seems like an interesting way to share thoughts and musings on a variety of subjects.

So who am I? I am a 44 year old wife and mother, the two best jobs in the world, I have been married to my turkish, muslim husband for just over 19 years, he works hard in our kebab shop and I am honoured to be his wife, I homeschool our two teenagers - something that I count to be a privilege and a blessing, I love being at home but hate housework and am suspicious of anyone who claims to enjoy cleaning - you know what the magnet says -'dull women have immaculate houses' - so actually I must, therefore, be ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING!! I have been a saved, blood bought Christian since March 1992, lately I have been struggling in my christian walk, perhaps this is something that I will explore in this blog. I love to read, our home is full of wonderful books, I am thankful that my husband, a comparative non-reader, doesn't complain about the ever increasing pile of 'books to read' - currently I am reading 'The History of Protestantism' by Wylie, plus a devotional book, something about footprints, by alan cairns, the biography of John Wycliffe and sundry other books, i always seem to have several books on the go at once, something I am not sure is a good habit, I also tend to leave books behind - notably at the local swimming pool where our son trains, I don't know what they thought of 'The Reformed Doctrine of Predestination'!!.

My habit of not using capital letters is a bad one, born out of laziness and not ignorance - rest assured I am teaching our children how to write properly, indeed our soon to be 15 year old daughter is something of a grammer boffin.

Well, its almost bedtime here in england, well, for me at any rate, I am waiting for said daughter to come home from helping her dad, we will sit and chat and perhaps watch Casualty on video to help her unwind, then we will get a good nights sleep ready for the Lords Day tomorrow, it is our current ministers' last Sunday in charge, I have mixed feelings about this, again this is something I might explore in this blog.

Perhaps I should mention my mum, I think I may start a blog for her. She is the adventurous type, a couple of years ago she drove to china in an 'off the peg' camper van, an elddis actually. she is currently on a cargo boat with a custom built mercedes overland vehicle (an 815d) somewhere off the west coast of africa on her way to south america, she will be away for at least 12 months probably, since she plays a big part in our lives we will miss her greatly, thank goodness for email and mobiles.

well, thats all for now. Goodnight.

a blog rediscovered...

Well, this is interesting, i set this blog up aeons ago and have never used it. I now have quite a long blog on blog.co.uk but the site is not that great, so i am thinking of coming back here, now, the problem is what does one did with all the posts from the other blog? move them over here, leave them there, what about my friends over there...its a bit of a dilemma.

i think i might have a go at moving a few posts and see what happens.