jottingsbyjools

About UFO's...............

2011-08-17T21:19:00.000+01:00

Which in my case stands for UnFinished prOjects.

Since before our Lovely Daughter was born I have been creating a scrap quilt for her. It will look something like this

This isn't my quilt but rather an image of one I found on another blog I follow. The pattern is called 'tumbling blocks' - my dark diamonds are at the top, although I suppose if I turn the quilt around........

Anyway, I digress, as is my wont, my scrap quilt is still unfinished, and our daughter is now almost 21 and recently married :0

So, I thought I should make a real effort to finish the quilt before I embark on a wedding sampler for the happy couple (see previous post for an image of that I think). But, before I start another cross-stitch I should surely finish the one I am already working on.............a birth sampler for my 18 month old nephew. Then there are the projects on my waiting list, and a Buscilla Felt project for Christmas - last year I made a car, I have a gingerbread house for this year and if I want to finish it I really should make a start. Procrastination is my problem, my biggest fault in fact. Before I know what has happened I will have wasted a day doing not very much. This is something I would like to change. I must change. Wasting time is a terrible thing I think.

But.

Ahh, I hear you cry dear reader, there is always a 'but' - and it's true, there often is. and my 'but' is this - what defines a waste of time? My guess is that what one person considers to be a waste of time another will consider to be time well spent.

For example. When on holiday (or indeed in every day life but I do have other things to do!!) one of my most favourite things is to sit in the shade and read a good book. I have spent many happy hours with our children and my mother in law sat in BebekPark, Istanbul

Me reading, my mother in law crocheting, the children swimming and catching fish (and in our son's case refusing cigarettes from well meaning local boys). For me time spent reading is never time wasted - reading is one of the greatest pleasures in life. But for my own mum a whole day reading - even on holiday - would be considered a waste of a day. She likes to be out and about, up and doing. So I wonder what other people consider to be time-wasting? Housework? - must be, the dust always comes back!!

Anyway, I have diamonds to stitch and fabric to find - I need some more scraps to complete the front, not too many I don't think. I have tried to follow the tradition of scrap quilting and used mostly odds and ends snaffled from my very crafty mum. Perhaps I will take a picture of the work so far.....

ho-hum

2011-07-14T19:06:00.002+01:00

Well, it's a very long time since I blogged. but lately I have been churning a lot of stuff over in my head, and sometimes it helps to churn it out. I do journal which I like. But blogging is different somehow. I don't know how. It just is. So I wonder where I should start.
These are my options....

My relationship with food.
My relationship with myself.
My new role as a mother-in-law
My other new role as the parent of two grown-up and gainfully employed young people.
My role as the wife of a wonderful husband who is currently unemployed and struggling with stuff that I can't really claim to understand.

Or Most Importantly......

My relationship with the LORD.

Of course that is the place to start, if that relationship is at is should be then the other stuff falls into place and doesn't seem as important or overwhelming. So, and please keep this to yourself - I haven't actually said this out loud before - so this information is just between me and you, I am backslidden in my walk with the LORD. Huh. Well the sky hasn't fallen in. That's a relief. Why am I cold-hearted and walking afar off? Who knows. Well. I have some ideas.

Unremitting financial worries culminating in being ripped off to the tune of 40k by family members. We now live literally hand to mouth and if it wasn't for the kids we would be homeless by now.
Ill health, which excarbates the apathy I feel towards everything these days.
People who I thought were friends turning out to be anything but and who, in fact, made life very difficult for our lovely daughter whilst she was away from home at college. These people are supposed to be Christians too, one is a ministers wife!!!!
Estrangement from family members whom I have tried to be a good witness to and discovering that in fact they have disliked me for 26 years. Wonderful!
Feeling like a failure and feeling sorry for myself.

Well, recently I spent some time with a very dear aunt of mine. She was, and has always been, so kind and patient, generous to a fault, understanding, sympathetic, I could go on, she really is a wonderful person. And i realised something - I would rather have my burdens than hers - she lost her beloved husband very, very suddenly just over a year ago. It was devastating for the whole family, my aunt has taken it very badly and is really struggling.

So, it seems to me, that I should just get over myself and pull myself together. Blogging might be the way forward.

Someone shared this on facebook the other day http://scripturetyper.com I tried it out and it is pretty cool. I am really hopeless at memorising so I am really hoping it will help me to hide His word in my heart that I might not sin against Him.

So that's it. For today. Let's see if I can get back tomorrow.

Gossip.....

2011-01-14T11:02:00.003Z

i guess i am like most people, interested in gossipy bits and pieces, the minutaie of people's lives, but, my general rule is - don't say anything about anyone that you wouldn't say to their face, also, dont say anything about anyone that you don't want repeating by someone else. if you see what i mean. the bible says that we should have a guard on our lips - Psalm 141:3 Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips. and actually the psalms are full of warnings about lying lips and deceitful tongues, i am guessing that when we gossip we are probably guilty of lying - white lies in the eyes of the world. simply because we want people to listen to our stories and take notice of what we are saying, and so we may embellish and exaggerate. the book of James also has quite a bit to say about the tongue, i am not doing a bible study here, i haven't even studied it out properly, these are just random thoughts from the top of my head, but, in James 3:5-10 we read - Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.

WOW!! what amazing and convicting words. these, together with Matthew 5:37 But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil. should surely make all christians think carefully about the words they use. i suppose we have all experienced the hurt caused by careless words.

which brings me to my point !

our Lovely Daughter goes to college in Northern Ireland, this is, i suppose, the most Christian part of the UK these days. people in the provence still send their children to sunday school, know about God's laws and moral standards, they know what it means to be saved - and they know that once someone is saved they start 'good living'. church attendance is high. however what we have discovered in the last 18 months is that it is also a hotbed of gossip and judgement. some of it very unpleasant. very sad. it's almost as if many christians are so focussed on 'good living' that they forget the LORD looks upon the heart and not the outside. My Lovely Daughter looks after my ipod for me, she put this song on there, i can't find the sung version online, these are the words, i would love to send a copy to every church in the country.............

Please Do It On Your Knees
Well, I hear people who are talkin'
about people most everywhere I go----
To hear them tell it they were there when it
happened, there's nothin' that they don't know.
Well, you may not approve of the things I do
but if you're gonna talk about me,
make sure what you're sayin' is done while
you're prayin'---and please do it on your knees.

The Book says brothers will love one another
but love doesn't need any words.
It's proven by the things we do and not say --
for actions speak louder than words.
There will always be people who will talk about people
but if you're gonna talk about me,
then tell it to Someone who can do somethin' about it
and please do it on your knees.

You can tell the Lord all the things I've done
that didn't seem right to you,
but don't tell your neighbor 'cause
he can never give me the grace to see me through.
You can tell Him all about how weak I am
and pray that He'll strengthen me--
you can talk about me any time you wanna
but please do it on your knees.
~Unknown~

just something to think about next time the temptation to gossip overcomes us all.

supermarkets and a red letter day

2011-01-13T17:09:00.003Z

so, i noticed from much earlier posts that i have complained about supermarket shopping in past days, for various reasons - the fact that tesco's are trying to take over the world, that shopping there takes up so much time and is so expensive - impulse buys are every mum's worst nightmare. anyway, today, after much procrastinating, i did my first ever internet shop!! i used Asda since i am pretty sure they are much cheaper than tesco. with meric at work, menekse at college and my husband living elsewhere shopping had become a bit of an issue. the thought of going to a huge supermarket in the huge city we now live in makes me want to throw up. meric is very good at picking stuff up, but, he works and trains, so, i finally had the funds in the bank to do it and took the plunge. have to say - it was sooooooo easy, and i think i have bought enough stuff to last at least a week, and i am positive i have saved quite a bit of money - just got the stuff on the list. it will be delivered tomorrow evening, let's hope there are no hitches.

look at that, you wait 18 months for a blog post and then 3 come together!

The Ring

2011-01-13T16:49:00.003Z

this is our lovely daughter's engagement ring, it is very beautiful. her fiancee is a lovely, very godly young man, they met initially in a bookshop in belfast - LD is at bible college in northern ireland, he is currently over here on the mainland but is planning on going back to N.I until the wedding at the end of june. then, DV, they will come back to england. she is so very happy, and excited. due to our, as usual, parlous financial circumstances the wedding is going to be in northern ireland, which is a bit sad, but, sensible, we will do the catering ourselves, she has already made and sent out 'save the date' cards - which seem like an unnecessary faff to me, so i am guessing that invitations will be next on the production line.

Hmmm.

2011-01-13T15:50:00.009Z

well, here i am, back in the blog sphere. why? i hear you ask. well, dear reader, and i am sure there is only one of you. for various reasons.

a friend of mine started a blog http://amothersmusings.weebly.com/ and, on reading hers, i remembered how much i enjoyed mine.
alot has happened in my life in the last couple of years.
our lovely daughter is getting married.
our lovely son is now a working man.
i have developed agoraphobia and am seeing a clinical psychologist.
i am still saved by the Grace of God.

so, currently i am at home alone for much of the time, i would like to say that i spend the time deep in prayer and study, but that's not true, i am trying to get my reading time back up to what it was pre-motherhood, but, as a result of my mental health issues my concentration seems to be lacking somewhat (not sure that sentence makes sense but you get my drift).

something else i am doing now that our children are grown and i have more time is finishing all my U.F.O's, that's right dear reader, Un-Finished Objects - i suppose it should be projects.

my first one is this
actually our lovely daughter started this, well, she cut out the cardboard at any rate. i am making quite good progress as you can see

on a side note - i wish i could format photos properly, they look rather messy as they are not in a straight line.
anyway, aside from the fact that either the car or santa are running on too much egg nog i am quite pleased with the result, again i have several reasons for this. firstly i did this all on my own - well, apart from cutting out the cardboard. my mum is very crafty, very clever. she is also a bit of a perfectionist, well, she quilts so the piecing does have to be exact, i am not really like that, dont have the patience. nonetheless i think i have done an ok job of this. i have almost finished the bear and then just have the tree to do. i want to finish it because i have two cross-stitch projects i want to get on with (well, that doesn't include one or two that have been going for more years than i care to remember).
the first is this, i haven't actually started this yet, i bought the chart years ago - so long ago that i think it is now out of print, and, because i am such a hoarder, i already have the material and about a third of the threads, the wedding date is july 2nd, sorry, june 32nd.

i like the text from Ruth 1:16 for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: or from Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. so, i dont know which one i shall use, and i dont suppose i will finish it by the end of june anyway.

the other cross stitch i have is already started, it is a sampler type thing for my Lovely Nephew who is almost a year old and who lives in austrailia, i have met him briefly but sadly did not manage to kidnap him from my sister, this nephew is younger brother to my Lovely Niece who is mentioned elsewhere in my blogsphere. i started this using my own material (belfast linen, 32 count if anyone is actually interested in that!), but am now having second thoughts, mainly because i found a car project that might suit him better.
this is from bothy threads, lovely quirky kits, i planned on putting his name at the top and date of birth at the bottom. but i think i might prefer either one of these, also bothy threads

if i did decide on one of these i dont think i would use the belfast linen, they would probably look better on a white background, but i dont like aida so would have to have a look at what to use. anyway, i will continue with the alphabet sampler for now and see what happens.

well, i have written quite alot today, i think i will close. i did notice, on reading my last entry, that i had a few grumblings about facebook, sad to say, like the rest of the world, i am hooked into it. but, i do think i prefer blogging, but then again i have always enjoyed talking to myself.

7 months.....

2009-03-18T11:10:00.002Z

is a long time in the blog sphere, not as long as a week in politics maybe.

i have no excuse, well, that's not strictly true, we haven't had any internet at home for several months, i am, even now, using our lovely daughters dongle thingy, we also don't have a decent computer. i am hoping that these things will soon change and i will be more diligent in my jottings.

anyway, by Gods' grace i am still here, still healthy - having recovered from breaking my hand not once but twice in the space of one month! Life is generally good even though money is, as always, tight, just goes to show that money does not bring happiness, peace or contentment, i have all three of those thanks to my Heavenly Father and my salvation. as we come to Easter i suppose it's more natural for most to think about the Crucifixion, well, apart from the children in our children's meeting/sunday school - they think about the eggs, probably alot of people think it's about the eggs. anyway, for me it's about the Resurrection as well as the crucifixion, without the Cross there would be no shed blood, without the Resurrection there would be no victory, how thankful i am that i serve a risen Saviour, He is in the world today, hallelujah, what a Saviour.

i have had my mum with me for a couple of weeks, she had the 'flu, the real flu, not just a bad cold. my sisters were both on holiday in austrailia and one of them was hospitalised! mum is home from her travels in the states until early julyish - she is helping one sister through a painful divorce and the little sister is emigrating to austrailia in a few weeks, which i really great for her - it's something she has always dreamt about doing, but sad for those left behind. i am hoping that my lovely husband will treat us to a new computer with a webcam for when she has gone, to that end i have also created a facebook account, its quite a good way to share photos etc but not necessarily something i approve of. social networking seems to take the place, for many, of real friendships, i also wonder how good something can really be that is so popular and is it a good way for young people to be spending their time, wouldn't they be better serving the Lord and studying the things of God - and when i look at the way some professing christian young people dress, the music they listen to etc etc then i am more and more convinced that for all of us it should be less computer and more bible. i feel a bit of a rant coming on so i think i should stop.

being a christian.........

2008-08-02T18:14:00.002+01:00

is sometimes so hard.

i was saved in march 1992, it's been a long, hard and sometimes lonely walk, my husband is a muslim, i left the first church i was in due to charismania and wandered in the wilderness until the Lord brought the church i am currently in - it is a Bible Believing Church, which preaches the Gospel and is separate from the apostasy and compromising churches which are all around us. even this is hard, i love the people there - we are few in number and one of my oldest friends went home to her reward in april after suffering with ovarian cancer, everyone is pretty weird and the fellowship is sometimes lacking but i feel at home there. when my lovely husband said we were moving finding a new church was one of my biggest anxieties, i think i blogged about it earlier, the Lord saw fit to move us 30 miles away for now and so we go back to our home church on sundays, sometimes we take a picnic - petrol is too expensive to go there and back twice in a day, i do the childrens meeting on thursdays so usually miss the bible study.

anyway, i am getting off the point.

its not all about the mountain top experience, much time as a christian is spent in the valley - i don't think we are meant to be on the mountain all the time, it is self indulgent to focus on that - we are built for the valleys, it is these experiences which enable us to deal with the ordinary stuff of every day life - that way we can be in touch with reality and therefore with our fellow man and so be a good witness - the mountain top experience i suppose makes us a more effective witness filling us with joy unspeakable.

i have been struggling alot with my christian walk, i started to keep a journal, i quite enjoy doing it and i thought it might help, i think it does, but my memory is so bad i forget what i have written :-0. i feel as i have been walking 'afar off' - much like Peter - for ages, a couple of years probably, and i don't know why. i know all the stuff in my head - i am sinner saved by grace, i want to be on fire for the Lord, i want to be unafraid and unashamed of the Gospel of Christ, i want to walk the talk - but i don't seem to be like that anymore, i used to be, then i start thinking about it all and start to feel that maybe i am not saved, i end up wracked with doubts - i worry that i will be one of the ones the Lord sends away at the end. when i think that it makes me so sad, i feel like i am dying inside, i want so much to be close to Him, i know that when i read my bible and pray much then i feel so much better - so why am i so easily distracted? God has done SO, SO, much for me, and for my family, especially these last few years, and earlier this year He worked such an incredible miracle of such perfect timing even my Lovely Husband said 'only God could have done this'.

so, why is it that as christians we can put so much effort into doing nothing, wasting time, watching tv, blogging (oops!), work, housework etc etc, but find an hour reading a bible and/or praying too hard? because i am sure i am not the only one. sometimes i think i am so afraid of being out of the Lords will that i don't pray because i am worried i am doing it 'wrong' - which is stupid and probably a lie of the devil, after all the only one who doesn't want me to pray etc. is the devil himself, why give him what he wants? then maybe i think perhaps i am afraid of where God will take me/us - but i know that it is better to be at the centre of Gods will than anywhere else. then i find myself thinking that i have been cold and backslidden for so long that maybe i am too far away from the Lord and there is no going back - but again i guess this is the enemy putting thoughts in my head, i have let my relationship with God wither and die so i have to put it right - and anything worth doing is hard.

i am very aware of my sins and my shortcomings before God and in a weird way i find that comforting - if i wasn't saved i wouldn't care about my sins would i? the rest of the world doesn't - they don't even know or accept they are sinners!! i don't understand why i do the same things over and over again - i come to God confessing the same stuff, asking Him to help me with the same things again and again, when will i ever learn? then i wonder if i am being honest with God - i know He looks at my heart, He sees me as i am and knows me better than i know myself, so am i being honest with myself? i think i am but how do i know? i wonder why i don't get the deep conviction and incredible zeal that i see others have? i want it - at least i think i do, but how do i know i am not fooling myself? if i REALLY wanted it, if God could see that i REALLY want to be zealous and on fire for Him then why doesn't he grant that? so then i am back to thinking i am not saved, round and round i go!!

BUT
i believe the Lord Jesus Christ left the glory of heaven, i believe He came and lived on this sin cursed earth with sinful man, i believe He lived a perfect sinless life and died on the cross, shedding His perfect blood for MY sins, i believe He rose again on the third day and ascended to heaven and i believe He is coming back again in glory to judge the world and i KNOW that the only way to heaven, to eternal life, is by trusting and believing in the shed blood of the Lord Jesus - His blood and His blood alone is sufficient to cleanse me of my sins so that i can know forgiveness from God - and the bible promises that God WILL blot out my sins and put them away as far as the east is from the west - hallelujah what a Saviour, so, by that account then i am truly saved, going home to heaven when i die.

so, why do i feel numb to the Holy Spirit in my life? why do i not feel the presence of the Lord? i can't keep on like this, i NEED and WANT the Lord God to draw me nearer to Him, nearer ever nearer - i want my joy back - the bible says that God will restore the joy of my salvation. you know the worst thing is that there is SO MUCH to pray for and SO MUCH to learn from the bible - and i have so many wonderful books to read, why do i waste so much time?

one of the things that i need to work on is discipline - i am pretty relaxed about stuff generally, and so we don't have much of a routine in our home, that needs to change because i need to have set meal times, part of the problem is finding my own quiet time with the Lord, my Lovely Husband gets up a long time after me and is not a christian, so i can't do my quiet time when he is there - he is working away at present for a bit so i don't have that excuse, i need to set aside a specific time every day to read and pray and go from there.

i know that my life attitude is not one of total dependence on God - i don't know why, fear, anxiety, pride - perhaps i think that the Lord God who is in charge of the universe and who sees the begining from the end doesn't really know what He is doing - which means i am stupid as well as proud and anxious!!

at the end of the day i want to be in the place where there is nothing between me and the Lord God, where i know His presence in my life and where i am totally surrendered to Him and to His will.

watch this space!!

photos of my lovely husband..

2008-08-01T16:18:00.002+01:00

this is my husband in our kebab shop, he has sold it now and is currently unemployed, he is not as scary as he looks!!

also erdinc, looking very thoughtful and interesting in black and white, this is in our old house, we lived there for 22 years, moved in more or less straight after we got married. funnily enough i don't really miss the house - the newer one we are renting is much more comfortable. i have a dishwasher!!!! yaaaay!!

It's like a new blog.........

2008-08-01T14:10:00.006+01:00

Well, it’s so long since I last blogged properly that I feel as if I am starting again. But, dear reader, before I go any further, don’t be lulled into a false sense of security by the capital letters – I am writing this in word on the lap top whilst watching Meric NOT do his school work. Why is he doing school work when it’s the holidays I hear you cry, well, Meric does very little of anything ever so I try to keep him at it all the time. The great crisis of the moment involves the fact that both our children are due to take SAT 1 in October, the American tests, the Lovely Menekse is very diligent, working hard at her studies, reading ‘good’ books etc. etc, she also now has a McJob and she is walking well with the Lord. Meric, on the other hand, does little more than swim, sleep, eat and watch TV. not necessarily in that order. Of course it is now accepted in academic circles that boys are much more suited to the ‘sudden death’ nature of exams – so who will get the highest score in October? If it’s Meric then Menekse has informed me she will be leaving home, sigh, I am sure she doesn’t mean it, but it does seem quite unfair – Meric sails through everything and is one of those people who always seems to come up smelling of roses; despite, at times, being a thoroughly unpleasant young man. Will it always be like that? Who knows, he is saved – and I believe he is since I had the great blessing and privilege of leading him to the Lord myself, but he is hopelessly backslidden and doesn’t appear to give the things of God a seconds thought. I wonder how long the Lord will allow him to continue in his current condition.

Anyway, I have been wondering what should be my first subject – don’t know why, I always seem to have a lot to say about nothing in particular – and I am sure most of it is pretty dull. I thought I would insert a few photos, these are old ones from a family bbq on the beach – obviously, but we have now moved away from the seaside and are living in a city which is on the river but not the seaside, which is sad, but hey-ho that’s the way it goes.

In this photo we have, (l to r) my youngest sister, my cousins husband, my cousin, my mum and Lovely Niece then me - doing a great job of not looking at the camera!

this was the same day, we are on the beach at a place called Fraisthorpe, it's one of our favourites since it tends to be populated by proper beach people - that is to say the ones who are there rain or shine (or snow, you know it is england after all). you can see the careful placing of the windbreaks - not just for privacy but for practicalites as well, we were bbqing so needed some shelter.

this is my Lovely Niece, she will be 4 in october, my mum is sat behind her. She really is the light of my life, well one of them anyway.

my two lovely girls, our beautiful daughter who is almost 18 and my Lovely Niece, perhaps they are doing a King Canute.
Our Lovely Daugher, Queen of all she surveys!!

On Wednesday night my youngest sister came over from York, we have Liverpool lady staying with us for a few days but my sister had arranged some time ago to come over to go the cinema to see Hancock – we had some free tickets on account of the huge amount of chocolate we eat and the diet coke we drinkMy two Lovely Sisters, Jocelyn, the youngest, on the left, Jacqueline, the middle sister, on the right, at a Robbie Williams concert i think.

So, I checked the internet and Hancock was showing at 7.25 p.m. Menekse was at work so it was the four of us – Erdinc, me, Meric and my little sister. It was hot, hot, hot. When we arrived there was a bit of a queue outside the door, I dropped Erdinc off and went to park, when I got back to them there was an awful lot of hyperventilating and stamping going on, Erdinc was marching around the building muttering under his breath – bless him he gets very stressed about non-important stuff very easily. Anyway, it transpired that Hancock wasn’t showing – because DARK KNIGHT was on in 4 cinemas!! Unbelievable. I mean who changes a cinema listing at the last moment without telling anyone? So, we had to have a conflab, obviously Jocelyn and I didn’t want to go to Dark Knight, plus if we had Menekse might have had to kill us – she was not happy about missing Hancock but would have been incandescent at missing Dark Knight. So, we decided that the guys would go to D.K and we would go to Mamma Mia – I have already seen that once but was up for it again, especially since my mum is in it (lol, only joking, but if you have seen it take note of the Julie Walters character – exactly like my mum, even down to the outfits). So, the guys went into their film, and we booked our seats for the 8.20 showing, the poor girl had no idea what to do with my vouchers so had to get Bald Headed Manager guy, she then booked us in for Dark Knight instead of Mama Mia, eventually she managed to get it right and we got our tickets. We had about 50 minutes to wait, so we went to get a drink. Sat in the bar area for about 40 minutes watching the queue outside getting longer and longer, listening to the announcer saying ‘the 8.20 showing of mamma mia is full now, next available showing 9.20’ – oh, how smug we felt. So we sat with our drinks enjoying the smoke free atmosphere until just gone 8, I wanted ice cream and the toilet so we went downstairs again. Got ice-cream, did the loo, went to screen 1 as per our tickets, screen 1 said that mamma mia started at 9.20 – I was confused, remember I had bought the tickets at approx. 7.15, so I wasn’t worried, looked around and saw Bald Headed Manager guy, ‘excuse me’ says I, ‘screen 1 says mamma mia is on at 9.20’ – ‘as do your tickets’ says BHMg!! My sister immediately said ‘so that’s three mistakes that girl made’ – I was very cross and said, rather loudly ‘you better be kidding me’ ‘oh please don’t shout’ says BHMg ‘it’s too hot, what time did you book?’ – So I told him what had happened and he escorted us to the house seats which were better seats than the ones we had booked anyway!! Nothing is ever straightforward is it? Anyway, the cinema was packed, totally full except for the few emergency house seats – minus the two we were sitting in. and of course it got hotter and hotter as the film went on - thankfully since it was mosly ladies it didn't smell too bad, the guys came out of their film just after us and well, let's just say i don't think many of them know what deodrant does, hummmy to say the least. Suffice to say I really really enjoyed mamma mia, more so perhaps than the first time, the cast look as if they are having such a good time, it’s a real feel good film – leave the cinema feeling hap hap happy!!! Highly recommended, go if you can. The music is great, the cast look as if they are having a great time, it’s very funny and a great way to spend a couple of hours on a wet summer afternoon perhaps.

so, i have some other stuff i want to write about but that's of a more spiritual nature, thought i would do it in a separate entry........

a few photos

2008-07-23T14:36:00.004+01:00

our kids, can you feel the love?

me and an american friend having afternoon tea at Bettys in York
we had a great day talking, talking, talking.

my mum and my mother-in-law, two great ladies, my mil is now sadly dead and my mum
is driving round the americas in a camper-van.

our son, in turkiye, at a very young age, he is still weird and still ginger and still swims.

on being married to a non-christian

2008-07-23T14:09:00.003+01:00

i am in a support group for christian women married to or involved with muslim men, the subject of divorce and separation is one that often comes up, i read this on momof9splace a long time ago and it really blessed me......

Many times in my mail I receive a letter from someone who is a Christian, but their husband is not. I don't take this lightly, but often times I am at a loss for what to say and how to counsel. I have been so blessed with a husband that loves the Lord, and is easy to submit to.

Most of this mail is in a way saying, "BUT my husband is not saved, so I CAN NOT submit to this can I? Certainly God will understand won't He?" To this I have to say No, He wont understand. What He will do is judge your husband for his ways, and you for yours. As wives we are instructed to Obey our husbands, to be in submission to them. THAT is what we will answer for, God will not take the time to hear "But Lord, I didn't because......" God makes it very clear and plain in Scripture.

God expects a woman to obey her husband because the husband-wife relationship pictures the holy, sweet relationship of Christ and His bride, Christians. This is explained in Ephesians 5:22-23:

”Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.”

First I would like to say that I KNOW there are times when a husband can and does require of a wife to do that which IS abominable in the sight of God, but rare is the case. For the most part what you have to deal with is him not attending church, allowing the children to do things that you know they shouldn't be doing (movies, activities with friends,,,) he is a drinker, does drugs, has a foul mouth, maybe he won't allow you to go to church? Again God will hold him accountable. The Bible says:

Num. 30: 12-16 "But if her husband hath utterly made them void on the day he heard them; then whatsoever proceeded out of her lips concerning her vows, or concerning the bond of her soul, shall not stand: her husband hath made them void; and the LORD shall forgive her. Every vow, and every binding oath to afflict the soul, her husband may establish it, or her husband may make it void. But if her husband altogether hold his peace at her from day to day; then he establisheth all her vows, or all her bonds, which are upon her: he confirmeth them, because he held his peace at her in the day that he heard them. But if he shall any ways make them void after that he hath heard them; then he shall bear her iniquity."

This passage teaches two major truths: one, that a husband is given the right by God to prevent his wife from taking a spiritual step she feels led to take; and two, that if he does, GOD HOLDS HIM ACCOUNTABLE—“HE SHALL BEAR HER INIQUITY.”

So there we have it, God is on your side. He wants obedience, He wants submission to His Word, you do that if you are a wife by being submissive to your husband. Not IF he is a Christian, but BECAUSE he is your husband.

So, how do we do this? What example is there that we can learn from? What have others done in this situation? Of course it is necessary to commit each day to the Lord in prayer, in time spent in the Word, for there we find the answers to all our needs. Let's look at a good example of someone who lived with a man who was far from being godly. Let's look at the life of a woman that loved the Lord as you do, who spent her days trying to please her Lord w/o compromising her place as a wife. Let's look to Abigail and her journey through marriage.

Though Abigail was to become David's wife after the death of her husband, Nabal, a drunkard, it is as the wife of the latter that her fine character comes into the sharpest focus. But in this first picture of Abigail we come to know why David later was to have such faith in her wise counsel. From his first meeting with her David's life seems have taken on a higher meaning and a stronger purpose. He is no longer a fugitive and outlaw but destined to become the great king of Judah and of all Israel.

Now mind you as you read this account, that Abigail was married to a drunkard, I'm sure if he was that he also had a lot of other baggage that goes with it. He was an ungodly man AND her husband. Did she spend her days complaining? Did she spend her time thinking about how awful her life was? Did she NOT do the things a wife should be doing in her home because he was tipping the bottle? Because he was not praying or worshiping as she KNEW he should and she was? Let us find out...

When David and Abigail chanced to meet, he was a shepherd hiding from Saul in the wilderness of Paran. He had gathered around him about six hundred followers, who formed a bodyguard and they protected the flocks of many a herdsman from prowling thieves.

In the sheep and goat country west of the Dead Sea, and not far from where David was, lay the town of Maon. Near by was the town of Carmel standing in mountainous country. One of the richest men in this area was Abigail's husband, Nabal, who had some three thousand sheep and one thousand goats. Their home probably was a pretentious place on a plateau that one came upon suddenly after leaving desolate areas.

It was sheep-shearing season at the home of Abigail and Nabal. Many guests had gathered, and there was much feasting. Abigail had provided abundantly for her guests, for she was a woman who had a reputation for gracious hospitality. We can imagine that her hospitable house, run efficiently and well, was a place where the stranger liked to tarry.

We notice here that Abigail did not allow her husbands 'foolishness' to get in the way of being a good homemaker, a help meet to her husband IN SPITE of his ways. She was full aware of the fact that with all the planning she was doing, with all the invitations sent out, with each preparation she completed that there would be drunkenness at this gathering. But I can also imagine that it was not her idea to invite this all in, but rather it was Nabal that requested it. In his standing it was expected of him to entertain, and of course it was expected of her to do her part. She could have stomped her feet and said NO! She could have tried to justify it by the way he lived, but she KNEW that her place was to obey, to submit, in order to please her husband and in doing that please GOD.

On such feasting occasions let us picture Abigail in a dress of fine linen. (She was careful to still look her best, so many times we let ourselves go because we think he is not worth pleasing, or because he lives the way he does, why bother. amen?) We have the Biblical record that Abigail was of a beautiful countenance as well as a woman of good understanding But in the next phrase her husband, Nabal, is described as churlish and evil in his doings" (I Sam. 25:3)His most recent act was directed at David, who had sent ten of his men up to the hills to ask for a little food during feasting time. David's own provisions were running low. His request was polite and just, for, ten men could not carry away much food.

David and his men had helped Nabal's shepherds to protect their master's large herds of sheep and goats. It was quite natural that David's shepherds, who had befriended Nabal's man, would be welcome at feasting time. But Nabal, drinking too heavily, cried out contemptuously when he heard of David's request, "Who is David" and who is the son of Jesse! there be many servants now a days that break away every man from his master" (I Sam. 25:10).

When word reached Abigail, through one of the workers on the place, that her husband had railed at David's messengers, she listened attentively. This worker, who evidently had confidence in his mistress reminded her that David and his herdsmen had been like a wall of protection to Nabal's herdsmen. And he added that they had come to the house in peace, asking for that to which they were justly entitled. We can be assured that Abigail possessed an innate dignity and had won the respect and faithfulness of the workers in her household.

Wise woman, too, that she was, she lost no time, for she knew what happened when strong-minded men like David were angered. He was not one to let such an offense go unpunished. She also knew how rashly her husband acted when he was drunk. She wasted no time in lamenting the threatened danger or in making remarks of her husband's character. Certainly she did not pause to discuss David's anger with her drunken husband.

She didn't nag, she didn't point out his faults, she simply did all that she could to make things right w/o causing more friction in her household.

Instead she hastily made ready to prepare special foods for David's six hundred men. She asked no advice of anyone but went to work as quickly and as quietly as if she had had months to think over her actions and make preparations for the food. She supervised the baking and packing of two hundred leaves of bread.

1Sa 25:18 Then Abigail made haste, and took two hundred loaves, and two bottles of wine, and five sheep ready dressed, and five measures of parched corn, and an hundred clusters of raisins, and two hundred cakes of figs, and laid them on asses.

Only a capable and 'together' woman could have made ready so much food in such haste. Only a woman of good understanding could have left so quietly, without informing her husband of her actions. If she had, she knew he would demand that she not give away his food to strangers. She knew, too, that the safety of their entire household was at stake.

As Abigail came down the mountain, David and his men rode toward her, and she heard David telling them of her husband's ingratitude and of how he had returned to him evil for good. She overheard David say that by morning all that Nabal possessed and all in his household would be destroyed.

I accept all blame in this matter:

1Sa 25:24 "And fell at his feet, and said, Upon me, my lord, upon me let this iniquity be: and let thine handmaid, I pray thee, speak in thine audience, and hear the words of thine handmaid."

The beautiful wife of a drunken nasty Nabal had nothing to apologize for. She was putting out her husband's fire. Abigail, unafraid, hastened toward David. In all humility she began to intercede for her husband and intercede for his bad actions. She admitted to David that Nabal was a base fellow and a fool. She then begged David to receive the food she had brought and to forgive her trespasses. She praised David, telling him that evil would not be found in him so long as he lived.

She also predicted that he would be prince over Israel and that his soul would be "bound in the bundle of life with the Lord thy God." She confirmed that God's word was sure and that God would exalt him. In not one word do we find her forgetting her own dignity. All of the greatness which she predicted would come to David she attributed to the only source of good, God Himself. And she helped David to know he was the object of God's love and care.

Can you imagine for just one minute how many times Abigail had to undo what her husband had done to wreak some kind of havoc in their lives? But notice that she did it w/o fan fare, she did it in the same way you can do it. When you have your chance you instruct your children in the ways of the Lord, you teach what is right and WHY it is right, you don't have to say Dad is wrong, you simply say This is what God says. Maybe you wont see fruit from these teachings until years later, but we have the promise of God that His word will not return void. We do not have the promise of God that if we berate our husbands to our children, pointing out his faults, that it will bear any fruit for the Lord in any way now do we? We can be Abigails, we CAN live with an unsaved man, or a backslidden Christian and still serve God.

What but the unquestioning faith in God could have dictated such a humble petition! In it Abigail typifies woman in her noblest, purest character. Her actions reveal that she was a diplomat of the highest order and that she understood men and had tolerance for their bad behavior. (not a liking for it mind you but rather a tolerance for what she could not change on her own and accepted as part of her life) Never, I'm sure liking it!

When she had finished her mission, she Quickly mounted and went her way back over the hills. We can imagine that David watched her until she was lost in the distance.He probably had been impressed with her good countenance, and he was not to forget this woman who had brought all of this excellent food to his hungry men. His admiration for her one day would take on a deeper, richer meaning.

When Abigail arrived home, she found her husband still feasting and drinking. But, wisely, she did not tell him of her journey until morning. When the sober Nabal learned from Abigail how near he had come to being slain by David and his men and what she had done to avoid such an attack, he became violently ill. Ten days later he died.

David, later to learn of Nabal's death, would affectionately remember the woman of good understanding who had come over the mountain, bringing food to appease his hunger. He was now free to wed Abigail, and so he sent his servants, telling her that he wanted her to be his wife.

She was now the petitioned and not the petitioner. She accepted David's invitation for marriage, but it was in humility. To his messengers she said,:

1Sa 25:41 And she arose, and bowed herself on her face to the earth, and said, Behold, let thine handmaid be a servant to wash the feet of the servants of my lord.

Though Abigail brought to David a rich estate and a new social position, she felt unworthy to become the wife of one whom God had singled out for His work.

From this we can see that Abigail never once thought she was better than her husband, she never thought that she was right and OH! he is SO wrong. She considered her marriage to Nabal her commitment to God. Whatever it brought. And until the Lord called him out, she served him willingly, and the best she was able. We have to allow God to work in our husbands lives. We have to be obedient to God in OUR walk.

Tit 2:5 "To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." & Col 3:18 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord."

And do you see how God worked things out for her in later days? She became the wife of David, she could not have been used by God to be such a blessing to him if it were not for the obedience she commited to in eariler days.

Now, Abigail was just the wife that David needed, for he was willful and tempestuous, while she was humble and gentle. Probably she helped him to learn patience and forbearance and to put aside temptation. She also helped to inspire confidence in him.

She dwelt with David at Gath and also went with him to Hebron, and there she gave birth to their son, Chileab, also called Daniel. Though little is recorded about Abigail after her marriage to David, we can be sure she was continually exposed to danger from the enmity of Saul and his followers and to captivity from neighboring nations.

We can read of her being held hostage, of her rescue at David's hand. Of a life that was used of God BECAUSE she chose not to question why, but rather serve and trust that God would provide peace, comfort, and finally reward for doing that which she was called to do.

I hope and pray that the example we learn of in Abigail's life will give you some encouragement in your marriage. I hope as Abigail looked UP for strength, you can and will too.

1Co 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

finally.....

2008-07-23T13:48:00.002+01:00

i have finally finished moving all my old posts from blog.co.uk, if you happen to be reading this blog then you will note that some of the post titles have dates at the side of them - they are the ones i have transferred across. as i did the transferring, which was very tedious, i realised how much i actually enjoy blogging, thinking aloud, its a good way to think about stuff which may or may not be important. i have alot of catching up to do since its ages since i last blogged, my mil died, armylad left us and went back to drinking and sleeping around, we moved house, sold our business, turns out our son is a good swimmer stuff like that. we still have no minister at our church which is getting a bit difficult, we need Gods man for the job - but who is that man? my mum has been through the states, into canada, into alaska and is now back in canada on her way back to the states before coming home for christmas in october. my youngest sister is emigrating to austrailia and my middle sister, mother to Lovely Niece, is getting a divorce, so, its all go.

just now though i have had enough of blogging and am supposed to be tidying my kitchen, plus i have something in my eye and its all red and sore, so i shall bid you farewell for now dear reader.

i am....24.2.07

2008-07-23T13:43:00.000+01:00

home alone

and

have wasted the whole day.

the teenagers have gone to a weekend houseparty for home-educated teens, it's meric's first time, so i am keeping my fingers crossed (praying) that i am able to collect two kids tomorrow and not have to visit menekse in prison for killing her brother on account of the fact that he embarrassed her. some hope. there will be a two hour drive home tomorrow evening when, no doubt, i will get a blow by blow account of exactly what each one did to the other.

so, i am in charge of dog walking.

today i was going to bake and read. then my lovely husband asked me to go to the bank and do cash and carry (where, btw i got called 'this lovely lady'). so that messed my day up. instead of doing any of the stuff i planned i have sat and read useless stuff online and watched useless stuff on the tv. i have managed to walk the dogs and am just about to take them out again before bed. the good news is that charlie managed to sleep downstairs on his own last night without barking the whole time, he must have seen me order the barkbuster collar which shoots out ~~10,000 volts~~ ultrasonic noise only he can hear when he barks. i don't mind the barking so much (except it wakes erdinc up), but i do worry about the bounding up to the very old living room window and scrabbling at it. what if he goes through it? hope the collar will stop that too.

there is a very worrying occurence on the horizon.

i mentioned my husband is talking about us moving. really moving. away. the estate agent is coming on wednesday.

we have lived in this house for over 20 years, the thought of moving makes me feel physically ill.

the thing is i need to be where there is a church, and i am a christian, so, really, i just need to trust God with the whole thing. easy wouldn't you say?

yeah, right.

nuff said.

my before picture...14.2.07

2008-07-23T13:42:00.001+01:00

well, my clothes are starting to look a bit silly now, i have got rid of some of them in fact. so i thought i should post a 'before' picture, trouble is i didn't really have any, mum found this one on her camera from christmas so here it is.....taken about 3 weeks before i started cambridge, obviously i am 'holding court', it is christmas eve actually, at my sisters, the food was delicious as usual. it's not alcohol in my hand - i don't drink and i was driving anyway.

had a bad day yesterday, well, last night, my husband is talking about moving - the thought of which just about sends me spinning into outer space, the kids were playing up, we have Liverpool Lady here and she is quite difficult, lovely and well meaning, but dear me she asks incessant questions about........well, nothing at all really, so, i bought some chocolate and ate t it - i had only lost a pound last week so figured it didn't really matter anyway, the good news is it made me feel sick.

so, today i feel a bit cheesed off and am trying to be strict so i get back into ketosis, am thinking maybe the weight slowed because i slowed the water intake down - must keep drinking plenty.

been to cash and carry today and am doing Team Pizza tonight, i am really tired though - didn't sleep well on monday night, but erdinc says i have stopped snoring since i lost this weight, don't know what he is talking about, obviously i have NEVER snored in my life so, if that's the effect it has guess who is next on the cambridge? yes, dear reader, my lovely husband, except i would have to lie and tell him that there are no bakers left in the country and all the bread has been given to the third world

anyway, must go, shouldn't really be here, obviously i am supposed to be doing swimming club stuff

if you don't pay the phone bill....10.2.07

2008-07-23T13:41:00.001+01:00

your phone gets cut off

i know, i know, it's not rocket science.

but you are not married to my lovely husband dear reader. who took one look at our bill - which wasn't that bad due to our fantastic deal with orange. put the bill in a 'safe place' - interpret that as somewhere he doesn't have to think about it, and then he went on holiday and forgot all about it when anyone rings up to speak to him about our bills they won't speak to me because i am not the bill-payer (neither is he if they but knew it, lol). so, this time it meant our phone actually got cut off. and also the internet.

any ideas what teenager with no phone and no internet look like or even not pretty anyway.

well, we finally managed to pay it today and amazingly got reconnected straight away. i bet you are thinking, what a loon, gets reconnected and blogs straight away. wrong. i am not even at home. menekse discovered we were reconnected and beboed straight away. i am at my Little Sisters house. meric is at a swimming thing just up the road, a stroke clinic actually, with the british coach and kate richardson who is a silver medallist. didn't want to go home and come back as there wasn't really that amount of time, so i came to hang out here, i am blogging while she is preparing dinner for this evening, they are having people round. we have just made some very delicious smelling rosemary salt for burgers all out of jamie's red nose day cook book - which looks very good and i think i will buy a copy. not that we have a sainsburys in our neck of the woods.

been a busy kind of a week. my mum left last monday, i took her to manchester airport, we had a night in a hotel which was nice. as airport hotels go. it took them ages to check in due to the ridiculous security, mum had to re-jig all her hand luggage and her travel mates had to take stuff out of a suitcase and put it in hand, and all this before BA decided to charge everyone £240 for a suitcase.

which brings me to a question, well, a general wonderment really. how on earth do americans manage to get away with so much luggage? my sister in law brings about FIVE HUGE cases when she comes fromthe states, mostly filled with coats. how does that work?

we have had a quietish week, doing school work, painting, avoiding the snow - we have had hardly any. and yesterday we went to leicester for the mevlut for my brother in law who died three years ago. its kind of prayers for the dead. obviously i don't take part since a) i am a christian and we don't do that b) i wouldn't know what to do or say. but i go out of respect for my lovely sister in law and the rest of the family. i feel a bit awkward but no-one seems to notice. of course the food is lovely as usual, i brought several doggie bags for my husband. but i resisted the temptation. the drive home was pretty hairy, i think we were just in front of the really bad snow, when we got to the M62 there was nothing. just alot of rain. still no snow today for us, thankfully as we are out at a gala tonight. had to get the food and everything ready for meric before i went to bed, he has about 3 hours in the pool and a couple of hours in the gym today, then time for a bit of lunch and a kip in the car before we get to the gala in filey.

well, my sister has finished her preparation, it's almost time to go and get meric so i shall say farewell for now dear reader. see you later possibly.

friday evening 2.2.07

2008-07-23T13:37:00.000+01:00

been a funny kind of a week. i feel all out of sorts don't know why.

fed up with swimming club, why oh why did i get myself sucked back in the old guard just don't want things to change and won't give up their control, it's ridiculous, they are so old they can't possibly carry on much longer, who on earth do they think is going to take over?

my mum goes on monday morning, early, so we are going over sunday afternoon after lunch and staying in a hotel overnight, just so that she has someone to wave her off at the airport it means there is stuff all over the place while she gets packed up and i feel kind of weird. i don't like it when she first goes, after a few weeks i can pretend she is just away for a couple of weeks in europe. she is coming home again in august for a family wedding. i might be so thin she won't recognise me by then.

eating is going ok - that is to say i am not eating. still haven't 'cheated' - i have decided that i am having high leigh week 'off' in august, it's the week we always go away and the meals are part of the whole week, i will keep off cooked breakfasts and the cakes and puddings, by that time i might not have much left to lose anyway, hopefully. going to get weighed again later.

tomorrow meric is swimming in the yorkshire senior/junior championships in leeds. its an all day thing if he gets into the finals. the warm-up is 8 a.m. so we have to leave about 5.30 ish in order to get a parking space, i got a parking ticket last year . i am collecting Lovely Niece on the way home as her mum is away and her dad has a physio appointment. she is staying over until monday which will be nice. slighly concerned about the eating tomorrow, i have got a ready made shake and a bar to take, but when we went to cambridge and i got up early i was terribly sick. let's hope it goes a bit better tomorrow.

got to go up to swimming now to sort some gala entries out. don't know why i bother.

last will and testament...2.2.07

2008-07-23T13:36:00.000+01:00

I, JULIE , being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

chocolate
Chicken fried steak
chocolate
cream gravy
chocolate
Mexican food
chocolate
French fries
chocolate
Pizza
chocolate
ice cream
chocolate
cup of coffee
chocolate
Sex
chocolate

it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

the state of the nation 30.1.07

2008-07-23T13:35:00.000+01:00

is really very worrying. i mean leaving aside how expensive everything is, our council tax, for example, is going up by 62% according to the local paper, then consider how much fuel has gone up - which ever kind of fuel you care to mention. interest rates. etc etc. its no wonder most people feel they need two incomes to survive as a family. believe me on a single income it's not easy. and that's part of the problem. not for us, but for the nation.

the government want to get us all to toe their line, they want us all to be good citizens of Great Labour Britain. so, what's the best way to do that? get the kids. as young as possible. so, encourage parents to go out to work as soon and as much as possible, provide state childcare and extend school hours so that all the children of the nation are under government care and control for most of their young lives. it all smacks a little bit of communisim if you ask me. someone i know was recently inspected by ofsted in order to register as a childminder, she was told one thing by the Ofsted Inspector - that the government says everything must be aimed to the lowest common denominater. i think that's what communism is isn't it? But thats exactly what schools try to do too isn't it! Make all kids the same.............i know there is loads of research that shows that children thrive best in homes where there are two parents, i wonder what the research shows where children have a stay-at-home-parent instead of two-out-at-work-parents? because if a person has been at work all day how do they have the time or the inclination to give one hundred per cent devotion and attention to small people on their return? we have become a society of me, me, me and children are seen as a curse or an accessory and not as a blessing, whilst debt is seen as something to be used and have - the exact opposite to the bible interestingly.

anyway, my point, and i do have one. is that the last few weeks haven't been a good one if you are proud to be British, which generally i am.

first there was the whole celebrity big brother fiasco. glad to see that shilpa won. i don't watch it, partly because i think it's one of those things that sucks you into it's dark side and if you start watching it you probably can't stop. but also i don't like bad language and that kind of thing, i know i am deadly boring . but it was difficult to avoid this time. especially as the delightful jade goody was being shown on turkish tv jade goody. a product of the british state education system. and a product of her parents obviously. but alot of her ignorance and general stupidity could have been addressed with a decent education. look at her compared to the very gracious and respectful shilpa.

respect.

ha. something that is gone, gone, gone from this nation, what ever phony tony says or how many schemes he invents. there is no respect because there is no discipline and there is no discipline because everyone is encouraged to believe that they can do and say whatever they please with no comeback. woe betide anyone who objects to bad language on a train or in the street - or in their own kebab shop for that matter.

and this brings me nicely to the events on the beach in devon.

disgraceful.

why aren't the people who STOLE that stuff being arrested and charged? especially those low-life men who went especially all the way from essex i think it was, to break into a packing case which belonged to a family moving home. those men had no shame, none at all, until the next day when presumably they realised, a bit like jade, the extent of the backlash against their behaviour.

we are a nation of rude, loutish, do-as-i-please thugs and i don't know where it's going to end. will people rise up and take back our society? will people demand reinstatment of discipline, of effective measures from the police and schools? who has the courage to chase the PC brigade out of power and fight for a return to sanity? who actually LIKES things the way they are? those like bliar i suppose in his little downing street bubble, but what about us in the real world? how long will we sit here complaining and putting things to rights in blogs? when will we rise up and demand a change?

i have no idea. i don't know what to do. go into politics?

i shall keep praying.

any other answers on a postcard please.

i am off to get my mum from the train station. i am also Team Pizza tonight.

the hoover worked until half way up the stairs. it really is the worst hoover in the history of the world. and it's an electrolux.

i finally succumbed 30.1.07

2008-07-23T13:34:00.000+01:00

and got help with the housework.

cleaning is NOT my favourite past-time, it's a big house, on three floors, two teenagers, two dogs, a husband who works bizarre hours plus i homeschool and help at swimming club. well, sorry superwoman, but this lady is normal.

we have had a rotten 18 months, i have been so ill with depression etc and the state of the house was just making it worse - i almost called those two women on channel 4, but it's not THAT bad i just didn't know where to start. our daughter is such a big help to me, don't know what i would do without her, but she helps her dad alot in the shop and so i try not to get her doing too much at home - but she is one of those people who just get on and do things no matter what, don't know where she gets it from but i wish she would bluetooth to me anyway, the girl that is helping at our shop has given up full time work as she is pregnant, she LOVES cleaning so, first i asked her to come and give me a hand with the living room and the kitchen, so she came yesterday and did half the living room. the other half has all mum's stuff in ready for her departure to ecuador next monday. don't ask. so, natasha did the living room and did an absolutely fantastic job of it too. then she came today and did the kitchen, ditto. so, i caved, i couldn't help myself reader, i have no will power where these things are concerned. a good cleaner is hard to come by. i asked her if she would help me out for four hours a week - just the lounge, kitchen, bathroom and hall. the kids can do their own bedrooms, we can to the schoolroom and the spare room together. anyway, she said YES. man i am so relieved. i feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. lol. it has in a way. 29 pounds of it. just kidding. you know what i mean dear reader. we have got rid of a whole load of stuff and now i have some papers etc to sort through in the school room but i can do that whilst we are working, i also intend to move the ironing board up there and iron while they work.

one little fly in the ointment. menekse had determined to do 4 igcse's this year. the closing date is now. the cost is a couple of hundred quid, which is never easy, but at this time of year is impossible. we just don't have it at present, so we have had to say no. if we could have paid after easter it would have been fine. but the money has to be in this week and we have too many bills to pay, including council tax, electric bill etc etc. i think we do live in the most expensive country in the world. it's very aggravating, i mean we are not that extravagant. we don't smoke, we don't drink, we don' have sky, we only have one car, the kids don't do loads of activities or wear designer gear (neither do we for that matter), i just don't know how people cope. we just seem to lurch from one financial crisis to another. never mind. at least i have a mansion in heaven.

going to see if the vacuum, which runs on tea cakes and stops at every currant, is actually working. if not i might be back.

oops 28.1.07

2008-07-23T13:33:00.000+01:00

i drank two small orange squashes at the gala tonight

not supposed to drink anything except water and coke zero. i have discovered though that camomile and spearmint tea, which i like, doesn't send me out of ketosis. and today i bought some green tea as that is supposed to be a 'wonder tea'. let's see what the orange squash does to me.

the gala went well, apart from two of our swimmers getting disqualified for false starts - not good since i was the starter AND the announcer. shortage of volunteers as per and no-one likes being the announcer. doesn't bother me, not much difference between shouting 'take your marks' and announcing the events. we won easily. i am getting the hang of being competition secretary, got the beginings of a system in place so that should make life easier. missed a couple of entries off the yorkshires, but should be able to sort that out on monday. one of the dads, who has two really good swimmers, creeps me out a bit, something about him that doesn't feel right.

my husband brings roasted and salted pumpkin seeds home from turkiye, in the shells, they are his snack of choice, they make an awful mess - when i come down in the morning there is a little circle of pumpkin shell debris around the bin. now it's even worse because the new dog, charlie, likes to eat the remains out of the bin he also likes empty plastic bottles, since we drink ALOT of bottled water that means there are always ALOT of empty plastic bottles around, so my house just looks like a rubbish dump

the driver decided he would work when erdinc told him 'no car no work'. so that means i didn't have to work, but who knows how we are going to pay the electric bill or the phone bill.

monday we are going to start blitzing the house, someone is coming to help me with the downstairs while i concentrate on the school-room.

anyway, we are watching csi and then room 101, which i LOVE, and i am gutted it's ending, the worst thing is i keep forgetting to watch it.

so busy 25.1.07

2008-07-23T13:32:00.000+01:00

reading other people's blogs i have neglected my own

so, what's new on the east coast. well, our tanker in distress missed the gas rig so we didn't have any flotsam and jetsam to ~~steal~~ collect.

took my mum to visit some family who live at the side of the A1 in eaton something or other, quite a long way for us, we got up at 6 ish. i wasn't very well on the way down, hadn't slept very well, then felt really sick and ill. had to stop and have a sleep, felt better after i had.....well, thrown up, not to put too fine a point on it. not sure what all is going on. still haven't eaten anything, today is my 20th day. feeling pretty good. going to get weighed tomorrow. my watch has gone down a notch which must be good and my favourite dress is almost too big for me, mum has already taken it in once so i suppose the time is not far away when i can't wear it anymore it's a shame, i got it in london, it was quite expensive but it's lovely, a pinafore that hangs really beautifully, sigh, i suppose the good thing is that if i lose what i want to lose i will be able to shop in a wider variety of shops.

had a nice day with the family, there is a new baby, she is beautiful, alot of black hair not unlike the lovely menekse. who btw considers herself a geek, my friend at swimming commented 'better to be a geek than a tart' which i suppose is true. anyway, we caught up on all the news, had a lovely lunch - well, they did, i had one of my soups. then we left to come home again at about 5.30 p.m. everyone slept all the way down and all the way home which was great. then the others all had kebabs for tea. i certainly wasn't going to cook. sunday was pretty good. i hadn't shopped so mum did it for me. i cooked dinner after church - including yorkshire puds, and didn't have anything, so i have overcome several big hurdles really.

the minister on sunday was excellent, he has been before a long time ago, we all really liked him and his preaching was spot on. so, church was pretty good. i will be glad when we get our own minister though, although at the present rate of progress i don't think that's going to be any time soon. problem is we don't have any assertive men who can easily and nicely take the lead, so it's pretty hard on the guy who is taking care of us - his church is in bristol, 300 miles down the road!! trouble is the way the last guy left us had left a nasty taste in alot of people's mouths and they are worried about getting it wrong 'again' - i said we didn't get it wrong last time, it was time for him to come to us and then it was time for him to go.

then to monday, took mum to scarborough so she could go and babysit Lovely Niece. we did school work and i tidyied up a bit. the childrens meeting went ok, we only have 4 kids which is a shame, they seem to enjoy it but i wish we could have more, just keep praying on i suppose. the trouble is there is so much else to attract children these days and past a certain age they are just not interested in the things of God - although interestingly younger children are VERY interested. erdinc was off work, so they all had dinner, we watched various CSI all night before bed.

finally on tuesday i managed to make an inroad into the new school-room, erdinc likes it in our new bedroom, it's so quiet i think he is amazed, he is sleeping alot better so getting up a bit earlier which is nice.

my new role as competition secretary has kicked in big time this week. had to rush around sorting entries for the hull and districts - which meric can't even do as they are on sundays. anyway, got them in and wasn't too late thankfully. then it was to the yorkshires which have to be in by sunday. done most of them. it's ok but i am not really sure of what i am doing, so i hope i have done it properly. we have also arranged to buy in some coaching, training sessions aren't going that well, especially for the older ones, they are getting bored and that includes meric, so we need to do something.

mum came back on wednesday night and is going back to york tomorrow as they are all going to london for the weekend, i couldn't afford it and also it looks as if i will have to do the deliveries as our delivery driver is having car problems. it's not great, but at least we will save enough money to pay our electric bill. anyway, mum leaves for ecuador a week on monday so it's all getting a bit hectic here now. hope the BA strike is over by then.

i have to go as we are off to beverley training. i will knit.

a big hurdle 18.1.07

2008-07-23T13:31:00.000+01:00

so, went to collect my lovely husband yesterday, after going to see miss potter, which was lovely, admittedly menekse and i were the youngest people in the cinema but still we enjoyed it, made us both cry when ewan mcgregor died (he looked really different without his light-saber).

so, we went to leicester from the cinema. good journey down, not much traffic on the M1 which was great, unlike for our poor nephew who went to collect his mum and my husband from luton airport, terrible holdups, he was about 2 hours collecting them. they were not happy. i'm not happy either because the new airport in istanbul only does duty free cigs and booze, so i didn't get my perfume

anyway, we went to Lovely Niece's - mum to three girls including twins and our latest great nephew. i had my first shake of the day when i got there at 4 p.m., didn't feel hungry when we set off in the morning and haven't got any of the stuff you can eat on the hoof yet.

anyway, told sebnem i wasn't eating food. she could see that i had lost weight anyway. the dinner smelt delicious. the women in my family are all good cooks, we all do food in a big way, and the turkish side are all......on the plump side, to put it mildly. the kids ate at sebnems and then we went to my sister-in-law's for dinner with everyone when the weary travellers got back. i had my shake and then sat on the settee and read the paper while they ate dinner. it was hard. it looked and smelled delicious and of course there were the extra treats from turkiye - fresh simmit for one thing, which are round bread things covered in sesame seeds, guys walk around with them on poles or in little hand carts, they are lovely, especially fresh with tea.....

anyway, my point is, i didn't eat anything. so i am really pleased with myself. they were all supportive and want to encourage our nephew (who is very large), to do it as well. my husband noticed straight away - he was relieved to find i had lost 15 pounds in weight and not money don't know how he will feel when he realises i will need to buy new clothes - having never been a yo-yo dieter i only have fat clothes, lol. if i do stick to it and lose much more i will have to buy some things.

one more thing, but i really should go, CBB, don't be fooled, the behaviour in the house - as i understand it, is common throughout our society, i know, i am married to a foreigner - people think its 'funny' to call him george or abdul because they can't remember 'eddie' personally just makes me mad.

probably this matter deserves a post of its own.

interestingly....16.1.07

2008-07-23T13:29:00.000+01:00

well, possibly not. but anyway.

part of the cambridge experience is drinking ALOT of water. now, this isn't a hardship for me as i drink well over 2 litres a day anyway for one very good reason.

when i am old i don't want to be incontinent.

ahh, i hear you say, how does drinking ALOT stop incontinence. it's quite easy. the bladder is like a balloon and the more we put in our bladder the bigger it becomes and the more we can hold and control our....output as it were. it's a common misconception, especially amongst the elderly, that we should drink less in order to stop us going to the toilet at inconvenient times. WRONG. if we drink less then our bladders will SHRINK up like a little shrivelled prune causing our capacity also to shrink and so have the reverse effect - we will have to go to the toilet more.

so, the message is drink, drink, drink and drink some more - but of course good fluids like water.

the other advantage is that because i have increased my fluid intake even i am going to the toilet more and our bathroom is upstairs (we live in an old mid-terrace), so i am increasing my excersise as well!! with almost no effort, how cool is that?

i was in ketosis, but i knocked myself out today by having tea with sweetner - obviously need to drop the sweetener. still lost 15.6 pounds though since i started on the 6th of january.

don't really want this to turn into a 'mycambridgedietexperience' blog. so i will try to desist talking about it. lol.

still waiting for deliveries. man it is so quiet in january, the good thing is that the shop over the road has changed hands and is going to close for about 3 weeks for a refurbishment. then, apparently, the guy is going to do a month of 'special offers' which will turn my husband into The Price War King still we have an advantage, less rent and wages than anyone else.

anyway, better go, we still haven't managed to watch the end of the first prison break and now i am videoing all night csi for menekse to watch after work.

tuesday....i have no voice 16.1.07

2008-07-23T13:28:00.000+01:00

and my children are rejoicing " class="middle" border="0">

don't know what all happened, went to bed with a bit of a tickle woke up with hardly any voice

haven't had a great day, apart from the fact that i feel horrible and i am exhausted because i didn't get any sleep again. the insurance decorator has put the wrong stuff on the walls. it's only lining paper, i am not that bothered, it's just that added on to the other insurance stuff is really doing my head in - to use the vernacular.

then i had to go to court to sort the baliff thing out. had to agree to pay the cowboy rip-off builder whose name is ADI CAIN from SCARBOROUGH 5 pounds a month. i am hoping that he will turn that offer down and we will have to go back to court, then perhaps i will get my say at last. so that was pretty depressing.

then i had a wander round scarborough. the kids have finally decided they want to do exams. so we are looking at doing igcse's or o-levels (we can't do gcse's because of the course work). menekse is going to do 4 this year maybe and meric will do 2, he is due to do his next year. that cheered me up a bit, went in waterstones and got some study guides.

called erdinc when i got back, he is worried now because of my voice. says we are to close tomorrow and just go and get him. so the plan is that menekse and i will go to see miss potter and then drive to leicester, possibly via wetwang to get some more cambridge supplies - that depends on how busy we are tonight.

i am feeling pretty good on cambridge. still haven't cheated or anything. sat with mum today while she ate a ham and cheese panini and a hot chocolate with a chocolate stick " class="middle" border="0">
i don't feel hungry, no headaches, just feel pretty normal - except i feel as if i am about a size 10 which just goes to show i am delusional, maybe that's one of the side effects of cambridge lol. i seem to have got the timing right. one in the late morning, one at tea-time and one at more or less bedtime. we always eat at weird times anyway so that's not a problem. i might weigh myself again later tonight, depends on whether or not we go to tesco's - don't have scales at home.

tonight we are on delivery and in between deliveries meric and i are watching the new series of prison break, it's pretty exciting stuff i must say, not keen on the whole teabag had his hand chopped off extravaganza though.

got a delivery yaaay

tired and rambling 14.1.07

2008-07-23T13:27:00.002+01:00

well, here we are on sunday night, erdinc will be home on wednesday so that is FANTASTIC. i am exhausted and my house is an absolute disgrace, i just hope i don't get any visitors for the next week. it will take me that long to sort everything out and that's only assuming the decorators turn up as planned in the morning. that's still the ongoing insurance job in the two bedrooms. it is also day NINE of doing cambridge, and i STILL haven't eaten anything or cheated, i can't quite believe it its amazing. i feel pretty good too. leaving aside the fact that i am really, really tired because of the late nights etc. and the new dog. who barks incessantly - any ideas to make him stop would be gratefully received. he really is a loonatic!! every time i squeeze my way into our bedroom i could cry, all the stuff from the school room and menekse's room is in there, i was hoping to have got us moved into our new room before erdinc comes home, sadly it wasn't to be, unless the decorators really get a move on and i can move the bed on wednesday morning before going to leicester to collect him. i tried to ring turkiye today on the new, free orange service, we are paying another fiver on top of our broadband subscrption to get free calls anytime and to 100 countries - including turkiye and the US, i wasn't that impressed though, the line wasn't very good, i am going to try again in a tick as he was out. because he was out i rang my friend in ulster, same thing, not a good line. is it because it's through the internet? if it's still a bad line to turkiye i am going to give orange a ring, no point in having free calls if you can't hear the other person.

i am so glad i have done my last weekend in the shop for now, it makes me very depressed. well, not sure that depressed is the right word. i feel disgusted to be honest. the way people behave is appalling, no respect for themsleves, for those around them, for anyone. i know i have probably blogged about this before - my reader knows i repeat myself. but seriously. is it necessary for GIRLS to be so explicit about stuff that belongs behind closed doors - and preferably between man and wife? and the language. is no-one capable anymore of just talking normally without using foul and abusive language at every opportunity. i mean, if we take the swear words out of most of the conversations there would be no conversation left and certainly it doesn't make sense. english is a wonderful language and people are just murdering it. i sound like a grumpy old woman. perhaps i am. it's such an eye-opener being in town at night. the worst thing (i think), is that it's not just 'youngsters' - although they play their part. i think the worst and most embarrassing thing is seeing women my age and over drunk, half naked, foul mouthed and letting their partners say the most disgusting things to them - what is that? is that what the feminist movement has brought us to? when i went clubbing and worked behind bars the women were always the calming soothing influence, and when people got drunk generally they were nice, friendly, even a bit lovey-dovey. now it seems that everyone is looking for a fight, they are just hostile, aggressive and unpleasant. its not a nice world, but it is, for the time being, a living

didn't mean to start rambling about that. never mind.

tomorrow i also have to sort the stupid baliffs out and the court case that has been going on for about a year, all to do with my kitchen floor, i am so so fed up with it, i would give in and just pay it but, at the end of the day, the guy ripped me off and why should he get away with it? trouble is i could do without the stress.

anyway, its getting late, i have had my vegetable soup, so i should go off to the shop and see what's going on.

one more thing......tonsils......12.1.07

2008-07-23T13:27:00.001+01:00

forgot to mention that menekse had her appointment with the ENT dude yesterday. he was very nice. took one look and said 'oh yes, we need to get these out' - and it looks like it will be sooner rather than later. she is really pleased as she has had so many 'episodes' in the last two and a half years, it makes her really ill, stops her doing her school work and singing in church among other things, also gives her bad breath, but don't tell her i told you that anyway, we are just waiting for the letter now. the main problem, as far as i am concerned, is that at 16 she is considered an adult, which i think is crazy, and that means she will be on an adult ward - probably mixed, i won't be able to stay overnight with her and also won't be able to go into the anesthetic room - she is needle-phobic and when she had her appendix out i went with her all the way to hold her hand and help her control herself, because she panics she hypeventilates and her veins collapse which makes it harder to get the needle in - a vicious circle as i am sure you will agree.

anyway, that's the first hurdle. let's see how long we have to wait, i did say we could go at short notice, let's hope it's not next wednesday when i am meant to be collecting erdinc from leicester.

sorry but i am going to brag 11.1.07

2008-07-23T13:19:00.000+01:00

well, its day 6 of cambridge. not been a great day from the point of view i wasted alot of time because i forgot my purse......

we all had a lie in, we are starting to feel tired due to working in the shop. so we got up late, then i had some jobs to do - bills to pay etc, sorted out my subs to a couple of things. then meric and i went to cash and carry. my plan was do cash and carry, come home, have my soup sachet, take meric to beverley to training - training being on the other side of hull to cash and carry. got to cash and carry, found i had forgotten my purse the guy said they closed at 4.45 p.m. so we RACED home, got myself a drink, got merics training bag and my knitting and RACED back. got back to cash and carry at 4.39 p.m. it was closed, i was not impressed to say the least.

so, took meric to kfc for his tea, had a bottle of water myself, then drove across hull in the rush hour to take him to training. i felt really, really hungry, kept planning what i would eat in the very nice coffee shop at the leisure centre. it was like jekyll and hyde, one on each shoulder doing bad cop/good cop. anyway, the two other mums i sit with had their tea and i had..........a diet coke!! granted i felt horrible by the time i got home at 9.30 but pleased that i had resisted the temptation to give in, just thought, well, i have done over 5 days why spoil it now. i have got my first headache and have to go up to the shop now which i could do without. but still, feel pretty pleased with myself. going to weigh myself tomorrow. it will be a week since i first weighed myself and my seventh day.

also have to take the new crazy dog to the vet, he has managed to chew a bald patch on his back end, how much money do i have i wonder?

spent the whole 2 hour training session talking about our club with the chair of the club i would move meric to if it wasn't so problematic. made me quite depressed. things are pretty bad at our club, talking to jackie made me realise how bad it is. i am worried that if i keep speaking out i am going to end up as chairman don't really want that, but on the other hand meric is coming to his peak and is really enjoying it so do i want him to miss out as he nearly did for the yorkshires?

well, need to get going, its cold, i almost feel relieved we are heading into longer nights and better weather, i must be losing it

see you later

blog blog bloggity blog 10.1.07

2008-07-23T13:18:00.000+01:00

been kind of busy, almost hectic in fact.

but feeling quite pleased with myself.

started the cambridge on saturday. that was my first full day. here we are on wednesday and so far i haven't cheated. once. not even when the kids had a meatball sub in subway yesterday the reason, i think, is the very fact that i am not eating any food. so when i feel tempted to eat that bit of pepperoni/hot chip/biscuit i don't because *i am not eating food* - so i don't pick. it seems almost too good to be true but i have found it fairly easy, i haven't even had any headaches, largely due, i suspect, to the huge amounts of water i drink, so i don't need to drink that much extra while doing this. i also don't really seem to feel hungry that much which i find really weird. usually when i don't eat i get migraine, so that's another plus.

monday the shop was closed so we had a lazy day before going to do the childrens meeting at church, which went quite well. afterwards i had to miss church to go to a swimming club committee meeting, where i somehow, inadvertently, managed to get myself elected as competition secretary :XX" class="middle" border="0"> the woman who did it previously left the club in the lurch right at the begining of the new year, we have the yorkshires etc to sort out. i think i am probably stupid and menekse is not impressed but there you go, that's what happens when you just can't say 'no'. be warned.

yesterday we went to the cinema, menekse and i went to see 'night at the museum' - pretty good, about 6/10 maybe, good clean fun, a bit silly, but ok. meric went to 'eragon' - he doesn't talk much so i don't have a review. the kids were hungry so they wanted a subway. nuff said. then last night we were all working, not busy though, just a typical tuesday in january, dead as a dodo. i was really tired though due to lack of sleep, kept falling asleep in the car between deliveries.

today we had to wake up early because, finally, the builders were coming from the insurance company, its only taken 2 and a half months and goodness knows how many phone calls to sort this out. i am so fed up with the HALIFAX i don't think i will be renewing our policy with them. our bedroom is *full* with all the stuff out of the school-room and now some of menekses stuff. one room is empty and has, today, been replastered, menekse's room is almost empty and has had a new ceiling put in it. the decorators come next week i think and then have to move all the stuff around again. thankfully menekse will sort her own things out and i will move our bedroom things and then sort the school-room out one pile of books at a time. the trouble is it is having a knock-on effect in the rest of the house and everywhere is a mess - piles of stuff and of course dust. i am starting to feel a bit overwhelmed, might have to call in some help.

got a delivery, so i will be back later, maybe.

sundays 7.1.07

2008-07-23T13:17:00.001+01:00

are usually my favourite day of the week. but not when my husband is away.

couldn't sleep obviously woke up earlyish to make sure menekse was awake to walk the dog. the kids got off to church ok. then came home to talk to me. which is fine. normally. today i could have done without it. but don't tell them that. thankfully menekse made them lunch, one of my favourites, who am i kidding, all food is my favourite. anyway, she made chicken, cheese and pesto bake with rice and stir fried greens. it smelled delicious.

anyway, i did manage to finally get up, get a shower, have a shake and go to church. in a brand new size 20 outfit i got in the sales and which isn't tight

church was good. as usual. but i am really struggling. again. this time i feel a bit cross. its a bit of a long story and i am not sure i want to go into the whole thing here, it's probably really boring anyway. but something happened in the summer which i believed was a wonderful answer to prayer, well, i still think it was, we spent 6 months encouraging and helping someone who was a new christian. only to find out recently that alot of what happened and what was said was lies. quite serious lies too. it has actually shaken my faith which isn't good. i really thought that what was happening was of the Lord, i did pray about it, and ask God to show anything that wasn't of Him - so why am i struggling because He answers prayer? well, i suppose that when i prayed that particular prayer i had different expectations and what has happened has totally taken me by surprise, i don't really have anyone to talk to about it. there is no-one in my church my age and i don't have any close christian friends who would understand i don't think. on the positive side i am rejoicing that God moved and exposed it all before any real harm was done and that particular 'christian' has gone. for good hopefully. there are a couple of irritating things at church too which would probably be resolved if we had our minister, so roll on that day. there is this one guy who is the kind of guy who puts people off being a christian, seriously, he is a male chauvinist of the worst kind, sometimes he tries to outsing everyone else, which is quite funny, tonight he tried to change the words in a hymn, but he sang 'jesus came to save all mankind' not true. so we all outsang him 'jesus came to save sinful man'. i know, i know, shouldn't try and score points at church, very bad
but you know sometimes it can't be helped and i am only human, a work in progress and all that.

the good thing is that i have, so far, managed to keep to the shakes and the water intake - which i find easy because i drink gallons of water all day anyway. hereigoagain is going to send me a recipe sheet what a person can do with a sachet of powder and half a pint of water is anyone's guess, we shall see. i had vegetable soup tonight, which tasted the same as all the others, and banana for breakfast which wasn't too bad and did taste of banana. i am hoping that by the time my hubby comes home there will be a noticeable difference and he will be inspired to lose weight himeself, he has a large stomach and that is the danger area, i can't say it's a beer belly since he doesn't drink, more like bread and nuts, he eats alot of pistachios and pumpkin seeds.

anyway, i am off to the shop, deep joy, they are busy on deliveries apparently. i have to count some money and stop this daft dog from eating every empty bottle he can find. what is that? he can't keep out of the bin.

i did it 7.1.07

2008-07-23T13:16:00.000+01:00

well, even though it is 3.21 a.m. and i have just got in from serving mostly drunk people with kebabs and burgers (not many pizzas tonight for some reason)......i am tired, i smell of food and cigarettes (roll on july when smoking inside will be banned, but can you get passive smoking from walking down the street and if so who can i sue? since i don't go to smoky places that often my life will become infinitely smokier). and who on earth is going to make a huge drunk bloke waiting for a kebab put his fag out? digressing. as usual.

so, even though its 3.23 a.m. blah blah blah i decided i would blog because i have got through my first full cambridge day with NO CHEATING i even kept away from the chip warmer and therefore the freshly cooked chips :-[" class="middle" border="0"> which are a temptation, especially since today at cash and carry i bought, by customer request, 'fat chips' - as opposed to 'fries' - they are particularly tasty. but i did it. i managed better than last night because i got up later, ate later and took the last pack thingy to the shop with me and had it at about 1.30 a.m the only thing is, it might just be me, they all seem to taste the same. more or less. and funnily enough none of them taste like freshly cooked chips or the very nice freshly made bolognaise pizza which i also resisted. womanfully.

i am off to bed, obviously. feeling a bit cheesed off because tomorrow (today?) is sunday, which is normally my favourite day of the week, as my reader will know, but i will miss church in the morning and will have to go to work after the evening service. i don't like sundays being disrupted like this, its the Lords day and its hard enough to keep it special as it is. but that's life married to a muslim kebab man. also as i will be catching up on my sleep in the a.m we won't have our usual nice sunday lunch together. it will be something quick with pasta for the kids no doubt, or i might just get them a cooked chicken from tesco, how terrible is that?

good thing is i spoke to erdinc again tonight, his mum is doing really well, and is so very happy that the three of them are there, the only thing is when they go out anywhere after about half an hour she starts shouting for them. which is probably making life difficult for the carer. erdinc said, in his lovely way, 'i think she is little bit fruitcake' man i miss him. he watched the matches today - bit gutted about liverpool since they are his english team.

anyway, i am off, the world service beckons because i am quite sure i won't be able to sleep. here's hoping.

and so it beginsn 5.1.07

2008-07-23T13:15:00.002+01:00

so, today i went to see the cambridge diet lady, in wetwang, don't laugh, it's the place richard whiteley was the mayor of, before his sad demise.

anyway, i have been cutting back all week in preparation and because when i was at the doctor on tuesday i had put about a stone back on. not good.

the lady was very nice if a little odd, like me, lol, she is also a christian which was nice, she is going to pray for me and my food issues. she gave me a sample of toffee and walnut shake/meal thing. warm. which was strange but not horrible. quite nice in fact and loads better than slimfast. i bought two weeks worth of packs - no chicken and mushroom since as far as i am concerned mushrooms are the food of the devil :-[" class="middle" border="0"> but i got all the others to see which ones i like. i am about to have some sort of oriental chilli soup for my tea before i go to the shop and face the temptations of freshly cooked chips and pepperoni. menekse is there for now, at 8 p.m. we do a switch, she is coming home and i am going up there until 3 a.m. i can't wait, especially since one of our staff is 7 months pregnant and, apparently, extremely hormonal and moody " class="middle" border="0">. my husband has a theory about pregnant women, he says that living with one twice is more than enough for any man. is he trying to make a point i wonder?

i have just made the soup. note to self. soup needs to be hotter than tepid.

i foolishly put my good food calender up today. caremilsed french onion soup. looks delicious, and the sort of thing i would have made previously - especially since my mum is coming this weekend. it was hard enough making macaroni cheese for meric tonight, for when he gets back from swimming. although i say so myself i make a good macaroni cheese hopefully the desire to stick my fingers in the sauce and have a lick will soon diminsh.

the aerialm guy didn't come today. i want to say typical. but we have used him before and he was very good, so i am guessing something came up. my friend nora came for morning coffee and to sort some stuff out for the childrens meeting.

i have also walked the dogs, again, i did yesterday too. up to limekiln lane and back again. charlie is crazy and sadsac doesn't want to go anywhere. she spends the whole walk trying to turn round and go home. even wanders aimlessly up some steps to a miners holiday home.

anyway, time marches on, so, off i go to the shop. i am taking a book. hopefully menekse will video ugly betty on C4 it looks like the sort of thing we like.

there is alot of talk 4.1.07

2008-07-23T13:15:00.001+01:00

about new year's resolutions.

i don't usually bother, what's the point? they never last.

but this year i really wanted to do something, to change something, i have been feeling so horrible, down, depressed, tired, fed up, i know its been bad because i have stopped reading for probably the first time in my life. ever.

i have always, always been a HUGE reader, always had a bag of books to carry around with me.

just after christmas i was with mum in waterstones and i actually went and sat down and 'rested my eyes', i felt so exhausted and rubbish.

so, i decided that my new year's resolution was to read for an hour a day. at least.

so far no good.

not helped by the fact that i had food poisoning after a dodgy chinese on monday night, well, the chinese was monday night the actual d and v kicked in on tuesday morning and lasted until wednesday afternoon. and then i ached. really, really ached. so i haven't actually done any reading yet. and it's already the 4th.

so, i am making my mind up to start tomorrow. i have a busy day planned but am feeling a bit better in myself due in part to eating less and to the fact that i have been sleeping in my mum's bed as erdinc is away, our bed is so, so, so uncomfortable, we really, really need a new one, so i don't feel quite as tired, i have also started taking korean gingseng, am eating less because hopefully i start cambridge at the weekend and this is the preparation phase. so, i am going to read, read, read.

tomorrow the aerial guy is coming to put an extension in my mum's bedroom, we moved her from the top floor to the middle floor - actually to the old school room, mum put a new aerial in for us last year, but we need an extension in this room for her. then menekse is going for her hair cutting at 10 a.m. i am seeing the cambridge lady at 2 p.m. and might have to go to cash and carry. i am also in charge of afternoon dog walking - which is probably doing me good, and have to stay at the shop until 3 a.m.

next week the decorators are coming, to do the top floor room and menekse's room. i will be glad when it's over and done with, our current bedroom, which will be the school room, currently has everything in it from all over the house and its making me crazy i will be glad to get all the stuff sorted out and us in a room thats just a bedroom. we are going to the top floor at the back in the hope it will be quieter for erdinc during the day when he is sleeping (my voice is pretty loud )

so, all in all it's pretty hectic and as my reader knows i don't really do hectic, but we shall see how it goes. i walked the dogs tonight, along the prom, on the beach for a bit, it was nice, charlie is full of energy and encourages sadsac to walk a bit faster, he likes to try and catch birds, and believe me there are alot of them on our beach and they are all faster than charlie, quelle surprise, doesn't stop him trying though, lol. the amazing thing is the fishermen. in the dark. on the beach. with huge amounts of kit. they must be crazy. or dedicated.

anyway. i think i am rambling, and not really saying what i wanted to say, i have to go up to the shop shortly, apparently the lad that works tonight 'isn't paid to wash up last night's stuff' - i've got news for him, he's paid to do whatever needs doing and if he doesn't like it there are two ways out - front or back. oooh, i'm a tyrant. well, i bet he's smoking when i get there.

how easy it is.....3.1.07

2008-07-23T13:14:00.000+01:00

to eat stuff i don't really want or, worse still, need.

i am Team Pizza tonight.

well, actually, i am "Team-Pizza-in-charge-of-the-whole-shebang-no-matter-what-my-teenage daughter-says" for two weeks as my lovely husband has gone home to his mum's until the 17th. he got a cheap easyjet ticket from luton to the new aiport in istanbul - the flight was really cheap, the taxi ride from the new airport in istanbul was longer and almost as expensive. i am digressing, shock horror.

anyway.

when i went up to get the last delivery i ALMOST had a bit of pepperoni with cheese, plus a couple of fresh chips. doesn't sound like much. but add that onto what i normally eat in a day and times it by.......a few, well, you see the problem. anyway, i walked away. didn't have anything. i am trying to do the pre-cambridge preparation phase. i am also going to buy some korean gingseng in the hope it will give me a kick up the........you know. i had a look tonight on the cambridge diet website, there is a woman on there who has lost 24 stone in 24 months, how incredible is that? i just keep thinking if i do this for a year, at the most, i should be down to a 'normal' weight by next christmas and i might even be able to eat 'normally' for the first time in donkey's years.

the trouble is, on days like today, which has been a good day food wise, i feel as if i am about a size 12 - when i am still obviously a size 20-22 - so, that's another part of my problem - body image, anorexics think they look fat, i think i look thin - i wonder what that is called. food. it is such a powerful thing.

well, must go for another delivery. we have a possible hoax for 30 quid so we are not doing that unless they ring back. it's cold and windy and also starting to rain. i just washed my hair.

load of rubbish 3.1.07

2008-07-23T13:13:00.001+01:00

to be honest i am not sure i have anything to say. i mean i am a pretty boring person. and as i watch the news about the 14 year old boy who has just sailed across the atlantic i realise just how boring i am!! what an incredible achievement. what drives people like that? where do they get their motivation? my teenagers can hardly motivate themselves to get out of bed most days

today i have de-flead and wormed the dogs what a great day. i had a nasty bout of food poisoning yesterday, i think it was the chinese i bought in my pyjamas. i was very very sick. all day. had to get someone else to do the deliveries last night - which meant paying wages, but i was far too sick to drive. still felt rough this morning but gradually felt better as the day has gone along. feel positively chipper now. and i have a theory about that. i haven't had any chocolate for a couple of days and hardly any sugar. so, i am trying to keep it up because on friday i am going to see a cambridge diet counsellor with a view to starting the cambridge diet on saturday.

i've got several reasons. for one thing my doctor really wants me to lose weight - well, so do i. seems like my hormone levels are dropping so i am heading into the menopause and am not handling it very well. had some blood tests which are all clear - so that's good, except that it makes me feel as if i am going crazy. i am so, so, so tired ALL the time, sometimes i feel as if i could just sit down and go to sleep no matter where i am or what i am doing, i also cry all the time. for no reason. it's worse when i feel tired - tired and crying. dreadful. anyway, my GP is great, he is helping me loads, i am taking some meds to help with appetite control etc and he says i can do cambridge sole source. so i am biting the bullet.

i have been reading hereigoagain's blog and it sounds like she has similar issues to me with food - not feeling hungry and eating anyway, and i can eat for england and never feel full either. i am hoping that doing the cambridge thing will help me to break the hold that food has on me, i am also hope that by doing it in public (well, in the blogsphere), it will help me to stay on track. we shall see. i am going to use the time when i would be eating and/or cooking to read, since my new years resolution is to read for at least an hour a day (and btw, it's not going very well up to now due to illness).

thought i would post a couple of pictures of our newish dog charlie.......i think one of them might be the wrong way on. he is quite funny, although he is quite tall he obviously thinks he is small and needs a lift up, but he likes sitting on the back of the armchair and watching for people to bark at out of the window.

i am weird - officially 10.12.06

2008-07-23T13:12:00.000+01:00

it's true. i really think i am very weird.

i finished the wedding cake. last night. i didn't do royal icing; on my sisters cake i made my own marzipan and royal icing. for this one i bought ready made marzipan and ready to roll soft icing . it was SO easy, all the respect i had for those lovely looking smooth cakes went straight out of the window, rolling that stuff out and covering a twelve inch fruit cake was........well, a piece of cake frankly.

so, anyway, i had intended to use love hearts (those sweets we all love, go on, admit it, you know you want to, those and flying saucers), well, i was going to use those to cover the imperfections of the icing. didn't need toD

so, this morning i had to go and do some stuff for my lovely husband - bank, find chicken breasts (no luck, had to go to cash and carry this afternoon for the third time this week ) and get some stuff for the cake. i bought a helium balloon, candles and some matching confetti. took the cake up to the place and set it up - it was simple but effective i think. but going to the venue was when the trouble started.

i had a panic attack.

i am so weird.

i have been worrying for a few days about this wedding. there was no way erdinc could come - being saturday night he had to work and then menekse went away for the weekend. which left me and meric. and meric is even more anti-social than i am.

the do was in something called 'the bed bar' a nightclub type place above a local amusement arcade. so, it was dark, smoky, noisy and would be full of 160 people i don't know; add to that the music and the alcohol you have my worst nightmare .

by the time i came home from dropping the cake off i was hyperventilating. i did tell the bride i didn't think i would be able to go - our staff know i am weird, they put it down to me being a Christian .

i had to wake erdinc up to tell him about the shortage of chicken breasts and cash and carry, then i managed to burst into tears i was so worked up about the thought of going to this 'do'.

he just looked at me in absolute amazement and said 'of course you don't have to go, don't be silly' and went back to sleep. i love him so much, he is such a sweetie.

after cash and carry i took the new dog, the old dog, and meric - who is lanky and has lost about 7 pounds, to the beach, the dogs each had new 26 feet long leads on, the beach was virtually empty, meric had a great time with charlie, the new dog, racing around in circles, it was an amazing thing to watch. sadsac, the old dog, plodded along breaking into a skip every now and again in an effort to keep up. the walk was really lovely, did me good. i feel alot better when i get some fresh air and a decent walk even though i generally don't want to go and it takes me ages to work up the effort needed to get hat and coat on. i am trying to take charlie out at least once a day because he walks faster and further than sadsac. whilst menekse is away i am walking him twice, perhaps by the time she comes home i will feel more energetic.

anyway, the point of this blog is not just to own up to being weird, but also, that i have realised something. when i finished the cake and dropped it off i felt alot better. i mean ALOT better. like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. so perhaps taking on outside tasks adds to the general feeling of overwhelmedness i feel for so much of the time. another reason to JUST SAY NO.

took meric to training at the new club at beverley tonight. didn't think much to it. it was like a stroll in the park for him. still he worked on his technique a bit. we should know after christmas which events he has qualified for in the yorkshire championships, he is hoping for a north east counties time this year as well.

btw, meric just informed me that he is not anti-social he just doesn't have anything to say.

i was going to blog about something else tonight but for the life of me i can't remember what it was. maybe i really am going crazy.

why can't i....7.12.06

2008-07-23T13:11:00.000+01:00

just say no to people

i try really hard. i think i am going to make it my new years resolution.

i have just finished marzipanning (is that a word?) a 12 inch fruit cake. for a wedding. of someone who isn't even a close friend or relative. she does work in our shop for a few hours a week and we have known the family for years.

she is getting married this saturday, brought the wedding forward 6 months due to an unplanned pregnancy. they don't have any money, apparently wedding cakes are very expensive, natasha was having a bit of a moan and my lovely lovely husband said 'julie made her sisters' :XX" class="middle" border="0">

right enough, i did make my sisters, but i am not a professional cake decorator - not that i am bragging, but my fruit cake is pretty darn good. when i did jacquelines we flat iced it between us and then decorated it with tangfastics and glitter . it looked pretty good, plus the reception place was dark.

so, natasha asked me if i would mind making hers, she would pay me for the stuff. what is a person going to say? i know, i know. NO NO NO. just like that.

if only it were that easy.

so i made the cake. that went ok. drowned it in brandy so it smells pretty good. and that just leaves the decorating.

i just put the marzipan on. that went ok, the thickness is not that even all the way round but like i said i am not an expert.

tomorrow i am going to cheat and use ready to roll icing - i did my sisters with homemade royal, but i just don't have time to do that.

then i am going to decorate it with ribbon, love hearts and those glittery wedding heart things. if i can i will blog a picture.

menekse is having a contact lens trial. tomorrow she leaves for liverpool for the weekend.

anyway, i have to learn to say no to people, quickly, i think that's part of why i feel so stressed all the time. and my doctor thinks my oestrogen levels may be dropping, finally, so perhaps that explains why i feel so awful all the time.

anyway, now i get to go and sit on the balcony at beverley and watch meric train for two hours, i will take my knitting, last time i was knitting there one of the other kids said to meric 'why is your mum knitting, is she pregnant?' i should coco. it's actually a jacket thing for menekse.

must go.

i know someone in a real film......7.12.06

2008-07-23T13:04:00.001+01:00

some friends of ours, well, my mum really, i know them as well obviously, have a daughter, called jodie whittaker.

since jodie was able to walk she has wanted to be an Actor. she spent all her time acting, dancing, putting on shows etc, she got into stage school and has done a couple of things on tv, anyway, her latest, very exciting, thing is a real film with PETER O'TOOLE who is really famous!!!!!!!
the proof of the pudding.........jodie and peter

her mum and dad told us a very funny story about the toronto film festival involving a limo, a chauffeur, a red carpet and jodie being from yorkshire but which is really too long to write out here. However i have just found a couple of clips of the film on thefilmfactory.co.uk the film is called Venus and will be released on january 26th in the UK. check out the clips here and watch out for jodie - baz bamigoyne thinks she is going to be big.

http://www.thefilmfactory.co.uk/cinema/venus.html

personality thing....7.12.06

2008-07-23T13:03:00.000+01:00

which several in the blog sphere have been doing, so who knows who i stole it from and does it really matter since i am not at all sure that anyone reads these things - maybe family and friends..........

Global Personality Test Results

Stability (13%) very low which suggests you are extremely worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Orderliness (53%) medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun.
Extraversion (56%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

Take Free Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

it also said this....
paranoid tendencies, irritable, anxious, fidgety, dependent, worrying, emotionally sensitive, prone to regret, depressed, second guesses self, somewhat fragile, dislikes change, prefers organized to unpredictable, suspicious, phobic, craves attention, not a risk taker, low self control, very sensitive to criticism, unadventurous, does not make friends easily, defensive, obsessive, low self esteem

man, i sound really weird.

worst customer service of the year award....7.12.06

2008-07-23T13:02:00.000+01:00

goes to coopers of stortford.

now, i am putting myself at risk of extreme ridicule with this post because in it i am going to own up to buying one of those weird gadgets that, when you read about them, you wonder 'who ON EARTH buys this stuff?'. well, i AM one of those people. coopers of stortford are one of those company's who put mini catalogues in magazines like bbc good food or the radio times. they are full of weird stuff like compost caddys and aerators, bug zappas, bark busters (could do with one of those actually, the new dog has definite issues with people who dare to walk past in the street), cordless sweepers, binoculars, you know the kind of thing.

anyway, it was my brother in laws birthday back in september, he is difficult to buy for - doesn't need anything and as they have way more money than us i tend to look for quirky stuff, i bought him a copy of the Lion King dvd to share with Lovely Niece, and then, since they have moved to a nice house in a village with coal/log stoves/fires and since they read alot of huge newspapers i thought i would get him a briquette maker.....

"This ingenious machine means that you can now recycle your old newspapers and turn them into 'briquettes', lighting quickly and burning easily with a minimum of ash. Just save your old newspapers and in a matter of minutes transform them into briquettes. Perfect for this time of year when you're enjoying open fires but just as useful in the summer months to help with barbecues. Making a great alternative to charcoal and logs they burn easily, for up to approximately 2 hours, and will save you £££'s on fuel bills."

i ordered it online in september, not sure of the date exactly, but brother in laws birthday is the 10th, so round about then i should think. delivery was within 28 days, which frankly these days is too long, but i no companies like to cover their backs.

it arrived TODAY.

DECEMBER THE SEVENTH

that is TWO months after i ordered it.

two whole months.

frankly i find that shocking.

and of course the dilemma is do i own up to it being a late birthday present or keep it for christmas which does seem a little churlish.

answers on a postcard.

a new baby and other things 6.12.06

2008-07-23T13:01:00.000+01:00

we have become a great-uncle and a great-aunt for the NINTH time .

i blame my husband.

after all he was born last in his family.

our only niece on his (the turkish) side gave birth yesterday to a little boy weighing 9 pounds 11 ounces they already have three girls, so everyone is very pleased. i have a lovely photo but sadly i can't work out how to get it into this blog post

several days later and i have discovered that the photos saved themselves in alphabetical order, which is why THIS photo wasn't at the top of the list of photos in my file, if i had brains i would be so very dangerous. here is our latest lovely nephew.........(with his very proud dad and his very tired mum)

my regular reader will know that i am not one to brag, but meric did weigh 9 lbs 12.5 oz, but, i had to have a caeserean, our niece managed to deliver her not-so-little one all by herself in double quick time too. very impressive. it's times like that that i feel a pang of jealousy that i was asleep for both of ours and had the discomfort that a section brings for several weeks after the births. our niece was home within FOUR hours. very very impressive.

my blogging has been noticeably absent recently. not sure why, i don't think we have been any busier than normal. i just don't seem to have had time to sit down at the computer. even now i am actually doing Team Pizza with meric.

the room moving is going quite well. menekse is painting what was the school-room and what is about to become mums room/spare room. she is using a DIY book and learning new and useful skills at the same time. its all part of the home-education experience. our bedroom is full to overflowing, i am going to have to set-to tomorrow and try to sort the books out and get the big main desk moved, it won't be easy dear reader, please think about me. sometimes i wonder about my sanity. well, i don't wonder, i am pretty sure.

the problem is that the insurance company haven't sent the decorators, i have a nasty feeling that this is going to be another one of those occasions when things don't go as smoothly as it first appeared. but, the insurance assessor pulled a whole load of wallpaper off and caused quite a bit of damage, but i do feel a cross phone call coming on. later.

right now i have to go and deliver pizza.

rambling thoughts 24.11.06

2008-07-23T12:58:00.001+01:00

it occurs to me that lately my blog entries have perhaps been a bit matter of fact, perhaps just about the routine stuff of the day, when actually i wanted to explore some things when i first started blogging.

one of the things is my walk with the Lord, i have been a christian for 14 and a half years, i was saved in march 1992. its been up and down and lately its been down. i have been struggling. don't ask me why. i think part of the problem has been the black cloud of depression that has been hanging over me for what seems like months. i still can't shake it off and really i have nothing to be depressed about - for one thing i am saved, for another thing i enjoy good health, i have a great family - a wonderful husband, two fantastic teenagers and a fantastic extended family too.

the teenage years have been both the hardest and the best years of our childrens lives, being at home with them and homeschooling at this time in their lives is, in my opinion, more important than at any other time. meric is going through a hard time just now. he is a games addict, which is my fault i guess - we don't like our kids roaming around the streets and gaming is something that meric could do at home, sadly he has an addictive personality where this is concerned, it causes him to be deceitful and sneaky and also means he doesn't do anything else. so recently i have taken the bull by the horns and banned ALL gaming - i told him that if he was a heroin addict i wouldn't give him heroin. i actually found a message board for gaming addiction which i was surprised about, don't know why. he now fills his time modelling and painting, he has also discovered DIY which i am pleased if anxious about.

gaming is so dangerous i don't think people realise. i have seen great changes in meric, gaming makes him anti-social, aggressive, rebellious, disobedient, add this to the awful diet alot of kids eat and it's no wonder we have so many children in society who are out of control and in need of medication - and i think that if meric was in school he would most likely be on ritalin and in a special needs class. as it is we struggle on and he wants to do maths at uni.

i try to count my blessings and they are many........
our kids want to be at home and not roaming round town at all hours.
our kids help out at home and in our shop mostly without complaining.
our kids don't drink, swear or do drugs.
our kids do as they are told.......mostly.
our kids don't shout or answer back, they don't argue with us - they argue with each other but i figure that's fair play.
our kids are kind to small children and old people.
our kids are not ashamed to be seen out with their parents and family.
our kids are healthy.

so on the whole even though the teenage years are hard they are not that bad.

anyway, the teenage years mean a change in routine and i have struggled to have my own quiet time, one of the reasons is that i find it so hard to get up in the mornings, i am hoping that having this new dog might help as he needs to be walked fairly early, so, i am thinking i can get up early, give him his breakfast, read my bible and pray before we go out for a walk.

we have had alot of visitors over the summer, the kids friends, i don't mind, actually i prefer to have people here so we know what's going on, but it has meant less time for me as it were. the 'trouble' with teenagers is that they don't go to bed and with a mixed group i had to stay up and chaperone so of course i was tired too and couldn't get up early in the morning to have some quiet time.

i am finding working three nights a week quite hard, because i still have full responsibility for the house and the kids, put swimming on top of all that and its clear that i can't find time for myself, plus i am not superwoman and can't 'do it all' so i am trying to cut back carefully. take less on. i was going to do a level 1 swimming teachers course, but i am having second thoughts, i am not sure. menekse is going to do it but i am just not that sure i can cope, which i guess makes me sound like a complete wuss, but hey that's me.

anyway, i am trying to cut back on some things, but up my excercise and get up early to have some quiet time with my bible and in prayer, i am still trying to change my eating habits and do feel better when i go out for a walk. perhaps i suffer from SAD.

i have also found, over the last 12 months, that i have lost my motivation and have allowed things to build up and slide - housework, chores, paperwork, a symptom of my depression no doubt, so that's another thing i am going to work on, getting on top of everything and staying there, but not too much - i don't want to end up back at square one.

just now i am concentrating on getting through this weekend, tonight i have officiated at our club championships - for the younger swimmers, so quite a few DQS. tomorrow meric has another big gala at beverley at which i am also judging. i have also been told that ArmyLads younger brother, who is a bad tempered, aggressive little brute, will be at the gala and that he intends to 'kill' meric, so that's another thing to worry about. this boy has a black belt in judo and has no self control, he has already had a run in with meric, 2 years ago, because meric beat him at swimming and the boy is a bad loser. the whole family are, apparently, gunning for us, not sure why, it's all a bit weird and i have a bad feeling about it all, but we shall see, perhaps i am over-reacting.

anyway, its almost time for bed, tomorrow i have to do tesco's before beverley, we also have to walk the dog and leave him for the longest time so far. let's hope he will be ok.

it's quite interesting articulating how you feel, makes it seem easier to address somehow and face up to.

another pointless meme stolen from someone 24.11.06

2008-07-23T12:56:00.001+01:00

Who is in the house with you?
the two dogs, the hamster and the bird.

Who was the last person to send you a text?
sue from swimming telling me she can't give meric a lift to training.

Who are you thinking about now?
geoff the swimming coach, will he want me to judge or start tonight?

Who did you last talk to on the phone?
Menekse - sharing the excitement of todays 'deal or no deal' .

Who's birthday is next?
family? my baby sister in march.

Who was the last person you told you love them?
probably my husband or the kids.

Who do you wish you were with right now?
my husband.

Who's your favourite relative?
my husband.

What's the last thing you ate?
shortbread biscuits and a piece of cheese.

What was the last thing you drank?
tea, white, two sugars.

What colour pants are you wearing?
White.

What is the closest item near you that is blue?
The mouse.

What is your favourite colour?
blue funnily enough.

What is your favourite website?
answeringislam or sermonaudio

What is your favourite shoe brand?
birkenstocks.

What do you wear more, jeans or shorts?
neither.

What is the last movie you watched?
Open Season at the cinema plus half of finding nemo and a bit of a bridge too far.

What song do you currently hear?
I don't listen to music.

Where is your phone?
at the side of me on the table (mobile), upstairs (landline).

Where are your parents?
my mum is in wales and my dad is dead.

Where do you sleep?
right on the edge of the left side of the bed - so close to the edge i nearly fall off.

Where do you shop the most?
Tesco.

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
Evans.

Where did you last take a car ride to?
to the leisure centre in beverley.

Where in the house are you?
in the living room.

When did you start school?
1966 i think?

When did you last burn a candle?
can't remember, probably november 3rd my sisters birthday.

When were you last at school?
about 18 months ago - a thing for swimming club.

When did you last see your Dad?
lol, about 1970, saw my mum on wednesday though.

When did you last take a shower?
yesterday.

Why do the people on the news repeat the same stuff over and over?
because of the adverts? they assume we all have a short attention span?

Why are your best friends your best friends?
not sure, we went to college together, kept in touch, just have stuff in common.

Why are you taking this survey?
don't ask me, i quite like doing these things but i am sure they are boring for everyone else.

a warning of sorts 24.11.06

2008-07-23T12:55:00.000+01:00

some time ago i made the mistake of buying something from one of those catalogues that comes inside a magazine - in my case the radio times since that is virtually the only magazine i buy. the company i bought from was http://www.coopersofstortford.co.uk/ i ordered a briquette maker as a bit of a joke present for my brother in law (father to Lovely Niece), in the new house they have a lovely wood burning stove and they both like to read HUGE newspapers, so i thought one of these things would be ideal.

i ordered the thing back in september.

they took the payment.

the briquette maker still has not arrived

i have emailed several times and keep getting told it is in the post

yesterday i tried to ring. i couldn't actually get through to a real person

is that what 'customer service' has come to? a disembodied voice on the end of a phone telling you which button to press and to send your complaint to a warehouse in writing. madness.

so i emailed again as follows.....

I AM VERY ANNOYED.
i still have not received this order (see below) which was a gift for
somebody. i have tried to telephone you and can not get past the
electronic menu WHICH IS VERY IRRITATING. shopping on the internet is
meant to be fast and reliable, goods i have ordered from other companies
arrive within days not months.

please advise me as soon as possible what the problem is or furnish me
with a full refund.

yours irritatedly
jools61

i then received the following reply.......

Thank you for your email.

We are sorry for the delay with your order.

It is currently awaiting despatch in our warehouse. We have passed an urgent request to our despatch department to ensure your order is despatched shortly.

We apologise for any inconvenience caused.

Kind Regards

Scott Choppin
Customer Services

despatched shortly? they promised 28 days, i am here TWO months later and they are saying they will despatch my order SHORTLY :XX" class="middle" border="0">

sorry, but i don't think it's good enough.

my mum ordered some clothes from boden, they arrived within 48 hours and that included a sunday

needless to say i will not be ordering from this firm again even though there was something else i wanted from the catalogue, and if you happen to be reading this i advise you not to order from them either.

about the cambridge diet 24.11.06

2008-07-23T12:52:00.002+01:00

so, i have been trying to lose weight for ages, i have lost about 35 pounds this year, with my doctors help. but, i feel i need to do something that's really going to get me going. i have been reading about the people doing the cambridge diet here in the blogsphere, some of them are really inspirational. so i am thinking about starting it, in the new year now as it's a bit near christmas to think about dieting.

anyway, i wonder about some stuff.

whats the difference between cambridge and slimfast?

can i afford it? probably since i will not be buying chocolate etc

will i be able to do it? not sure. with the right support.

will it help with my food issues? ditto above.

so, anyone with any experience or comments feel free. i have a whole person to lose

Army lad is upset because we told him about the threats his brother is making against meric. its hard but i just think, well tough, i have to protect my family first and foremost.

with that i am off to bed. most likely. got alot to do tomorrow getting ready for the weekend and moving books, again.

thursday evening 24.11.06

2008-07-23T12:52:00.001+01:00

so, here i sit. in front of the tv and blogging at the same time. how scary is that. it's not even tv, it's a video of friends. i am waiting for menekse to come back from walking the lovely charlie, but still, does this mean i am officially a blog addict i wonder. i do intend to go to bed when she comes back, maybe.

we have been to training in beverley, well, obviously meric was training, i sat and had a coffee and then sat on the balcony watching and knitting, a bit like the woman at the guillotine (if you know anything about swimming coaches you will get the analogy, if you don't thank, your lucky stars). menekse was on the poolside - she is going to do her level 1 swimming teachers course and for practical experience is helping out at swimming club. i am supposed to be doing the course as well, but to be honest i am not sure i can cope with it just now. might just decide to stick with officiating.

speaking of which.

meric had his big Ridings League Championship Gala last saturday, the deal with that is that all swimmers who have swum for their club in a Ridings League Gala through the year get to swim for themselves in the Championships, meric was on fire, he has new legskins (full length trunks for a more streamlined effect), he managed 5 PBs which is all i ask, i was a bit disapointed with his freestyle - felt he could have done better, he did get 5 trophies, a gold, a silver and 3 bronzes which was fantastic. i was judging despite the fact that i was actually very poorly and had to keep sitting down - not a good thing when you are trying to make sure eight 16 year old boys have touched with both hands, or worse still decide the finishing order of those eight 16 year olds the problem with swimming, as with most other stuff involving kids i guess, is the tremendous shortage of volunteers, and since i have issues with 'just saying no' i tend to get roped into all sorts of things i would rather not do. tomorrow night is the teaching group championships at our own club, meric isn't in the teaching group, but i will be starting at that gala and he will go training to beverley with others from our club. then on saturday we have the East Coast League Championships at beverley again, meric has 4 swims this time - no IM, and of course i am judging again, at least i feel better this week.

Army Lad has had his surgery, his mum hasn't come to see me, which i am not surprised about, she is a bully and therefore a coward, Army Lad is coming home tomorrow, his mum is going to collect him which i am glad about, but something i am concerned about is that one of her younger sons is making threats against meric, apparently its all over MSN, since this boy has a black belt in judo, a filthy temper and no self control i am slightly concerned to say the least, i will probably ring the police since i doubt the mum will do anything about it.

i am wondering where menekse is, she has been gone over an hour, at the rate she is going she will be losing weight hand over fist instead of me. she is back. thank goodness for that.

i am going because i am going to try for an early night with my book - currently reading the autobiography of john g paton missionary to the new hebrides (now vanuatu) excellent book, very exciting.

three things meme.23.11.06

2008-07-23T12:50:00.000+01:00

nicked from various people.....just thought i would get on the bandwagon........

Three things that scare me:
1. Moths *shivers*
2. Tescos when it's busy
3. My husbands driving

Three people who make me laugh:
1. Victoria wood
2. Friends
3. Fred Bassett

Three Things I love:
1. My Bible
2. Husband and family
3. Chocolate

Three Things I hate:
1. Pretentious people with New Money (we all have a bit you know, get over yourself) and No Breeding
2. Crowds of people
3. Not being an Early Bird

Three things I don't understand:
1. How anyone can live without the peace that comes from knowing Christ
2. Some of the questions our son has going on in his head
3. Unkindness/Rudeness

Three things on my desk:
1. Son's inhalers
2. Pile of books
3. Remote Control

Three things I'm doing right now:
1. Watching 'I'm a celebrity'.......
2. Waiting for menekse to come back from walking the dog
3. Waiting for my dinner to cook

Three things I want to do before I die:
1. Have a family holiday - just the 4 of us, never been done.
2. Have a new kitchen
3. Lose weight

Three things I can do:
1. Cook
2. Start swimming races - officially
3. Shop in Turkiye

Three ways to describe my personality:
1. Contented
2. Hospitable
3. Friendly

Three things I can't do:
1. Get into a size 18
2. Listen to music incessantly
3. Get up early on a regular basis

a stolen phot....23.11.06

2008-07-23T12:49:00.000+01:00

i stole this picture from http://urbanrailstr.blog.co.uk/

the reason being it brings back lovely memories, my in-laws live in istanbul and this tram is in a pedestrianised shopping area called taksim. we have been there many times and enjoyed the most delicious profiteroles and lemon juice in a shop on the right hand side as you walk down, its called inci something or other - it sells all kinds of lovely pastries, man, my mouth is going crazy just thinking about it, and we aren't going to turkiye until next may at least.

i had a very funny experience in this street in a christian bookshop of all things. i was trying to buy a turkish bible, i didn't want one based on a modern text, i was having trouble making myself understood. eventually this american chap asked if i needed help, he sorted me out and we got chatting, he was the pastor of a church in the next suburb to where my family live. he asked me which church i went to, i said 'free presbyterian, of ulster, its small but does have churches worldwide, ian paisley is the moderator' (remember, i am talking to an american in a christian bookshop in a muslim country). 'oh yes,' says the american 'i know his brother harold very well'.

i was speechless. for a few minutes at least. anyway, i got my bible ok, then loaned it to someone and never got it back, c'est la vie.

and another thing....22.11.06

2008-07-23T12:48:00.000+01:00

and so it begins, i finished the post and then remembered several things i wanted to blog about, firstly we have a new dog........a poochon called charlie......

he doesn't look quite as mad in real life as he does in this picture. he is a cross between a bichon frise and a poodle, he has ridiclously long legs. he lived in scotland with a family with an autistic child, sadly the dad left and the mum couldn't manage charlie, he has been in about 5 foster homes since then until he ended up in goole, then we got a phone call. he arrived last thursday and so far seems to have settled in ok, amazingly our old dog sadsac has accepted him quite well having made it clear that she is the alpha dog. he is quite clingy and we have to keep him with us all the time or he poos, but yesterday he didn't poo in the house at all and today he actually asked to go outside so that is great, we are changing his food from the oh-so-disgusting-chappie to some healthy dry stuff from the petshop, hopefully that will help things in the bowel area, not to put too fine a point on it.

the other thing is that my little sister has moved in with her boyfriend, they have found a very nice house in york, she has also started a new job which seems to be going well, its pretty incredible to me to see her doing all this grown up stuff!!!! seems like only yesterday that my other sister was standing awe-struck at her cot side because the new baby had fingers on both hands.

army-lad has been with us for quite a bit, he gets his knee surgery done today, his mum isn't happy, she thinks i am brainwashing him and warping his mind. whatever floats your boat or tickles your pickle as my teenagers say. apparently she is coming round to sort me out, i have invited her for a coffee, so, watch this space.

i really have to go and do this work.

meric is listening to 'i'm sorry i haven't a clue' on headphones whilst eating macaroni cheese, it's not pretty.

ps it's really annoying when a post is finished and has been proof read and then published and then i read it again only to find a whole load of mistakes

oh dear we might have a problem....22.11.06

2008-07-23T12:46:00.000+01:00

well, i have finally managed to sort out our wireless/livebox thingummy. it took several long phone calls to orange and alot of frustration, but, here i am sat in the living room writing away on the dreaded laptop its very weird, especially as i am supposed to be doing something else obviously. meric is busy not doing his maths and menekse has been to the launderette with our winter blankets.

we are in the process of moving some rooms around

including the school room

we have an insane amount of books

the reasons are several. my mum kind of has a room on our top floor, she keeps some stuff in there and uses our home as a base address for when she is travelling, she kindly had the room decorated and a new window put in for us, unfortunately that was one of the rooms which had a leak, well, it was the main room actually and the water went down into menekses room. so, anyway, after much toing and froing the insurance company are re-decorating both rooms.

erdinc and i are currently in the largest and probably noisiest room in the house, this means that quite often his sleep during the day is disturbed so, apparently the top floor is very very quiet.

therefore.

mum is moving into the room currently used as the school room, this means that room has to be emptied and re-decorated by us.

mums empty room will be re-decorated by the insurance company and we will move into that.

menekses room will be re-decorated by the insurance company (and we bought some very nice and cheap curtains from ikea)

the large room will be made into the schoolroom/hanging out for teenagers room.

obviously this means complete chaos reigns.

menekse spent yesterday moving books from the school-room to the big room, which means our bed is virtually surrounded by a sea of books.

it's ok, i don't feel too stressed, i just wonder how long it will take to get everything put right and in order again.
the amount of dust in the house is getting ridiculous i do have to say, due in part to my depression and stress levels. i have always lived in a messy house and we are all messy, but i have never lived in such a dirty house before, that is upsetting me really, until i watch 'how clean is your house' then i feel better, same as when i watch 'you are what you eat' - my house is nowhere near as dirty as those houses and my diet is nowhere near as bad as those diets. so, i am hoping that as we get these rooms re-decorated and moved around we will also be able to clean everywhere and then keep on top of things.

i discovered yesterday, as i went to support a friend for counselling, that turkey is a serotonin rich food, apparently there is a book called 'eat yourself happy' - i think perhaps i should get it.

i am still considering the cambridge diet, my husband is happy for me to do it provided i am doing it for health reasons and not because i feel under pressure to be thin, he is such a sweetie, and i love him to bits. the main thing that is putting me off is the price, i know it is offset by the fact that i won't be buying food and chocolate, but i don't want to start it and then give up, if i am going to do it i want to do it until i am at target weight, which means i have about 140lbs to lose

anyway, as you can see, this is my problem, we are doing school in the lounge whilst we sort the rooms out, i have some work to do on the computer and now i have computer down here being all wireless and everything so its just too easy to sit and write and read what everyone is doing, perhaps now i will be one of those really busy members of the blog sphere.

so, i am going to do the work i have to do before i get too carried away, i mean why use one word when you can use a hundred?

we are away....10.11.06

2008-07-23T12:45:00.000+01:00

we are currently away, in welsh wales, staying with family, me and the kids and my mum, we came via the christmas craft show at the NEC birmingham which was quite good, amazingly i didn't buy anything, which is probably a first. menekse did, a cross stitch, she is almost catching up with me with her store of things to do.

we will be going home on monday and i am quite excited as i have a date with my husband we are going out, together, alone, for an italian meal all being well. i am really looking forward to it. in the meantime my uncle, a chef extraordinaire, is cooking curry for tea here, menekse is sewing, meric is watching tv - quelle suprise and my mum and auntie have gone to return a small child to her rightful home. lol, that sounds a bit mad, my cousins daughter has been with us for the day. we went for a nice walk a long the sea front and had a really delicious hot chocolate before coming home to doze and knit, not both at the same time.

i am thinking of trying the cambridge diet, inspired by hereigoagain. what price a year to get rid of all my weight, she has found it very helpful in dealing with her food issues/addictions, maybe i would too, just not sure if i can afford it and i am a bit scared too. i will continue to mull it over.

see you later.

a dilemma....

2008-07-07T16:42:00.003+01:00

we recently moved house, well, i say recently, march 26th 2008, we moved from a house we had lived in for 22 years, it was over 100 years old, three stories, 5 bedrooms, 26 foot living room plus same size kitchen and we came to a new three bedroomed house, so, clearly we had to get rid of alot of stuff, i mean alot, i tried to be ruthless, i have ambitions of being a tidy person, i really do, living in a house with 'clean lines' - whatever that means, clutter free, calm, serene, the kind of home i guess we all dream of (question - is it still a home if it is clutter free and tidy?). so, i did a pretty good job, then as i unpacked stuff i got rid of quite a bit more, we dont have alot of furniture - especially cupboards/wardrobe space, so as i try and empty boxes i am trying to get rid of more things i think we don't need. my first problem was the books, there are hundreds of them, literally, we homeschool (who am i kidding, i am an addict), what to do with the books from when our teenagers were younger, books are expensive, an investment, perhaps our hoped-for future grandchildren would benefit from the money we have invested in lovely story and educational books, so i have a number of boxes labelled 'books for storage' stacked up in the hall. hoping some kind soul will take pity on me and let me store them in their garage/loft until we get a home with that kind of facility.

currently i am home alone and have been since last wednesday, my husband and our son are in turkiye swimming - well, our son is swimming, my husband is, apparently, sleeping. our daughter is in scotland on a church thing. so, in the absence of anyone to cook for and in the 'joy' that is an empty house (the only thing about this i can recommend so far is that when i put the zapper down at bedtime it stays in the same place until the following evening), anyway, i have been doing a bit more tidying/empyting/decluttering and herein lies the dilemma, i have this large, very old panda - it is filled with sawdust and has red paws where it has been repatched, no-one in their right mind would let a child play with it now - its probably a health hazard, my dad bought it for me more years ago than i care to remember - he is now dead. what to do with it? it sits in our bedroom collecting dust and to be honest i thought today 'whats the point?'

i have finally decided there isn't one. and i have put this poor beloved panda out for the tip.

am i being heartless or sensible? it isnt worth anything, i dont use it but i do/did love it. if it wasnt so big it wouldn't be as bad, but it's the size of a toddler - i kid you not. so i have decided that it has to go - when i die the kids will only throw it away anyway, it has no special attachment for them and as my mum is always telling me 'memories are in your head' - perhaps i will post a photo on here before i do the deed.

so, am i doing the right thing? if i thought anyone read this i might get an answer, but i am pretty sure i am talking to myself............

a current blog and a listy....

2008-06-24T00:52:00.003+01:00

its weird being on blogspot, it doesn't really have a community feel about it, i feel as if i am blogging in isolation, not that it matters particularly, but i do like reading other blogs and a bit of interaction. we went to church in our old home town tonight, menekse and i, the boys are away, i have quite a bit of updating to do but don't really want to do that until i have finished moving all my posts across, we also have a new camera and i would like to get that working so that i can put some photos up, a blog without photos leans towards boring, imho.

anyway, had a bit of a lightbulb moment in brid tonight, we popped into tescos, i have issues with big crowded places and so tesco in hull is a bit of a struggle, as we wandered round the one in brid, which is like a corner shop and where i know where everything is - even at christmas when they move it all again, well, i realised that i miss 'my' tesco more than i miss the house or even more than the town - not more than the beach though. how mad is that? maybe tesco have brainwashed me.

1. What I was doing 10 years ago:

well, i was 37, the kids were still in school, so, walking the dog, housework, helping out at school and nursery, church stuff, helping my mum probably, i lead a very mundane life, its great!!

2. What 5 things are on on my to-do list for today (not in any particular order):

a) take dd's bike to the repair shop - there is something going on with her tyres.

b). finish cleaning the living room and moving a bit of furniture around

c). sort out ds's bedroom a bit, so we can build his new wardrobe before he gets back from turkiye

d) visit my friend who lives very closeby and whom i haven't seen since we moved here!

e). spend as much time as i can reading my bible - had an excellent sermon tonight on that very subject.

3. Snacks I enjoy:
toast, peanut butter and raspberry jam sandwich, banana, walkers cheese and onion crips, any chocolate - more or less.

4. What would you do if you had alot of money?

pay everyones mortgage and buy them a car; put money away for the kids so they can be mortgage free; buy us a house here and in turkiye; pay the church building loan and mortgage off and get the improvements done; invest a bit for our pension; give some to TBS towards getting bible translated into turkish; send the rest to sri lanka to a church i know which is looking after kids orphaned in the tsunami;

5. Places I have lived:
Leeds; Primrose Valley; Sudbury; Scarborough; York; Bridlington; Hull.

sick bay 20.10.06

2008-06-11T00:00:00.005+01:00

so our daughter is quite poorly, and has been for a couple of weeks, actually, if i am going to be picky, she has been unwell for a couple of months. she gets tonsilitis on a regular basis, really regular, so far since august this is her third 'episode' as the doc puts it. so far this time, in the last two weeks, we have been to the doc 3 times and are on the third lot of antibiotics, her throat is a mess, and finally we have a reason for a camera phone - taking photos of ones tonsils is a great game to play apparently . anyway, the doc has finally agreed to her going to see the ENT dude since this continuous sickness is playing havoc with her education, at present they are wondering whether it is actually glandular fever although the test was negative. rejoice with me dear reader because menekse managed to have a blood test without hitting anyone and without running out of the room - my hand is in plaster and i have several broken ribs though just kidding.

what else is new with us? not alot. my mum is home from her travels, she flew in from ecuador a couple of weeks ago, spent a week with us as my sisters were both away and is now esconced with my middle sister near York getting to know Lovely Niece, sounds like they are having a great time too, i rang yesterday and they were painting. it was mums birthday while she was with us so we went to this really nice fish restaurant, its fairly new, i have been watching it develop over the winter from a derelict building into quite a fancy place, i am hoping to go with erdinc some time soon, he is going to start closing on monday nights now that winter is here, not until after half term mind you which means we won't be able to go to our family for bayram (aka eid if you are not turkish), which is a pity, i always enjoy going to leicester, just relaxing and chilling out is excellent imho and its one of the few places i really don't have anything to do. actually my sisters in York is the same, when i go there i can just chill and relax, play with Lovely Niece and if i am babysitting i get to watch paramount - which is the only reason to have a tv imho.

i am digressing. quelle surprise.

we collected my mum from manchester, but she had come from ecuador via several airports including madrid to heathrow to manchester. security elsewhere on the planet bears no resemblance to that in uk aiports apparently and heathrow was, evidently, a nightmare; mum and her friends had to get rid of a whole load of stuff from hand luggage they had carried from south america, how mad is that? anyway, when mum walked through the doors at manchester she burst into tears, by the time she had finished telling us about the nightmare that was heathrow i had determined NEVER TO TRAVEL BY PLANE AGAIN, finally a reason to stay at home for the rest of my lifeD

last saturday we had a party for Lovely Nieces second birthday, we went to a stately home and had a picnic in the garden, it was really nice. the weather stayed dry too. i was, as usual, on teenage duty as we had The Army Lad with us, he is at home now with his family, probably just as well since menekse is not her usual sunny self, quite the opposite in fact. poor kid, i wish i could do something for her, she doesn't even want any of the ben and jerrys i bought yesterday, which means she must be poorly. anyway, i am off to make her a drink and get a cover, at least i am getting quite a bit of knitting done, i am about to have a change and do some cross-stitch, we are going to christmas stitches at the NEC next month before a couple of days in wales so i am looking forward to that for some inspiration.

might be back later, my trouble is i spend alot of time reading other peoples blogs and never get round to writing my own which probably isn't that clever.

a waste of a day 21.10.06

2008-06-11T00:00:00.004+01:00

well, not that wasted, but not that constructive either. menekse is still ill. i woke her at 8 a.m. to take her antibiotic, she is now asleep on the sofa snuggled up under a pink dalmatian quilt, we have however managed to do some reading and meric is doing some school work as we speak which is surely a miracle of some magnitude. i am supposed to be washing my hair and going to tesco - which i don't like to do on saturdays on account of the amount of people in there, and last week i got caught up with a bus load of drunk women giving the security guy a bad time, it wasn't pretty. so, instead of doing what i should be doing i am sat here wasting time reading blogs and generally messing around. some blogs just irritate me, the ones which are just post after post of cut and paste, i find them a real turn off. does that make me a party-pooper? i like to read people original thoughts and feelings - about their own every day lives or the stuff going on around us, if i want actual news or something i can go and look on the web myself - we are all connected after all otherwise we wouldn't be here, i mean the odd cut and paste is ok, we all do that, but not post after post after post, thats just boring. sorry to sound harsh. perhaps its because posts about daily lives etc are the ones that are boring, lol, that sounds more like it, i know i am one of the worlds most boring people, perhaps my theory confirms it.

its a really nice day here, after much muttering on the weather forecast about rain it hasn't appeared. not that i shall be making the most of it or anything, its half term, so i shall be staying in for most of it. meric got up this morning early and went running which is a little bit odd if you ask me. he is anxious to get back to full fitness before the two big galas he has in november, he had an enforced abscence from training due to chicken pox - which is not pretty in a 14 year old boy i can promise you.

we were meant to be going away to friends this weekend, i had the whole thing planned. they are moving their horses into a field near the house which needs fenceing, so the kids were going to help with that, i was going to sit in the hot tub and read, sadly menekse is too poorly to go so we have re-scheduled for the beginning of december. this means i have to get something ready for sunday school tomorrow and for the childrens meeting on monday. the childrens meeting is going ok, we have had some new kids join, the sad thing is how little they know about the Lord Jesus Christ, seems like there really is a generation growing up who knows not the Lord, what will be the outcome? will we end up like israel in the old testament, every man doing that which is right in his own eyes, seems to me we are already like that now. but where is the bottom line and who draws it i wonder?

well, the call of tesco is irristible, i must go, menekse is at least vertical, not alot more can be said about that though.

we had a bit of a do for her 16th birthday a couple of weeks ago, it was nice, not many of us, mainly our family which was nice. all of leicester came which i am pleased about, we are due to go there in the next week or so for bayram/eid

anyway, must go before i start repeating myself, i wonder how many times i have done that in the life of this blog?

an emergency...17.10.06

2008-06-10T23:58:00.002+01:00

an emergency....

dear reader, i am in need of some help. i have an emergency.

the visitors of last weekend don't know my rules. SOMEBODY, (i blame a child and furthermore i have the fingerprints to prove it , SOMEBODY wrote in the dust, and worst still i can now see said dust without my glasses - all because SOMEBODY put their fingers in it obviously i will now have to clean. i am trying to work myself up to it slowly, in the interests of not overdoing it i am going to lay down and think about it for a while.

also, while i am here, menekse is currently enduring her third dose of tonsilitis in 2 months, she is sleeping as we speak, she is finally being referred to an ENT dude, our gp made a great point of the fact that she is now legally an adult in the eyes of the NHS and the decision is hers, an adult my eye, she will still want me to hold her hand while she had the injections. so, looks like a night or two in the hospital is on the horizon.

i am off, i shouldn't even be here.

plans, plans and more plans 9.8.06

2008-06-10T23:53:00.000+01:00

so, its been a few days since my last blog. don't know why, we just seem to have been very busy, i am busy not actually, but just thought i would jot a few jottings.

we haven't been doing any school work, as such, plenty of life work - cleaning, organising, helping my husband, but not actual book work, we have also been ebaying, last night i almost bought two 8-man tents thankfully i was outbid on both of them.

our son and i have a new plan, not another one i hear you cry, well, if you don't know me you won't know that we regularly have new plans. anyway, this one is more of a challenge.
on my home-ed list we are currently debating tv/computers, there has been alot said about the destructive and addictive nature of both these things plus the dangers of gaming. my regular reader of my other blog will know my feelings about gaming. anyway, i have told our son that i am never having another games console in the house, he said he understands and doesn't want an x-box 360 as he realises he does have a problem. finally.

so, our plan is, we return from high-leigh (our annual christian conference) in two weeks we are going to have no computers, games or tv until christmas. we will watch the two or three programmes that we actually watch on tv, but there will be no staring at the screen for hours on end, which is what our son is capable of doing. it seems he is begining to realise what a phenomenal waste of time electronic stuff is. we will use the computer for educational stuff, under my supervision, the british museum site for example is excellent, we can do a virtual tour and plan our next trip there. i have bought his some of the books from the oxford university reading list for under-graduates, so i am hoping (actually) that we might almost be at the turning point.

my husband continues to be angry and bitter at everything and everyone, he is especially hard on our son, doesn't really understand him, i keep praying for godly christian men to come along side of my husband and be a witness to him, he needs the Lord Jesus so badly, i know the Lord will provide in His timing, but really, its hard to be patient sometimes.

we are all very excited about high-leigh this year, i am praying for a titus 2 young woman for our daughter, she needs a friend who will encourage and exhort her in her faith - generally this is the role our daughter fills for others. we are all in need of some good fellowship and some 'mary' time as opposed to 'martha'. things aren't that easy at church, its small and full of old weird people, which is hard on the kids, but its where the Lord has placed us for now. i just wish the other people in the fellowship were a bit more supportive and understanding of how hard it is to be a christian teenager these days. still mustn't complain.

well, i must go, i am actually supposed to be working, and our son has his friend over, we went to see the film 'cars' today, it was excellent, i highly recommend it. we have alot of visitors this weekend, plus dd has a friend for the whole week next week, so i am planning to do some low-key stuff with ds for that time, just to keep things ticking over, then when we get back from high-leigh we will be straight into full time school with our noses to the grind-stone.

leaking roofs - the saga continues 22.9.06

2008-06-10T23:50:00.000+01:00

so, our roof at home is leaking into menekse's bedroom, her bed is wet and she is the wall in the top room is damp but thankfully the bed is not wet since someone is due to sleep in there tomorrow night. (as a side note our friends swimming twins will not be staying which is, i confess, something of a relief).

sometime ago erdinc arrived home in a very soggy state, wet to the skin. he had a quick bath and something to eat and a cup of tea. at which point the phone rang. it was menekse from the shop to let us know that rain was pouring through the shop ceiling. in the middle. the shop is on the ground floor of a 5 storey building which has been left to go to rack and ruin by our landlord. he has the builind on the market for around 200k, actually it was 250k to start with, and they had a buyer, but he dropped out because he couldn't raise the money due to the appallling state of the building a new buyer has been found, but we now have dirty water pouring through our ceiling and into the shop, all over the microwave to be exact. erdinc has called the landlord who said he will 'get somebody'

two things, its pouring with rain and its dark. what can 'somebody' do i wonder? watch this space. it might be that the ceiling will fall in and we will have to close, my husband will then probably go home as our takings will be covered by insurance, but what about the birthday party we have planned for october 8th? watch this space dear reader.

and i thought i was the most boring person in the world

must go, menekse wants to check how many minutes she has left this month, for the first time she is on a contract for her phone, with dire threats ringing in her ears as to what will happen if she goes over her limits, her new month started yesterday. late last night she was on the phone to armylad and fell asleep. as did he. four and a half hours later his phone finally cut her off. how will she get through the month with no talk time? i can't imagine.

**about buying cigarettes 22.9.06

2008-06-10T23:49:00.000+01:00

if you read my previous post you may have noticed that our daughter has been buying cigarettes since she was about 4 years old. i neglected to explain - in spite of putting ** there as a reminder.

when our children were younger we spent long summers in turkiye at their granmas house. one of the things they could do there was play out and go to the corner shop on errands, one of the first things menekse learnt to do was go and buy 'two very beautiful breads' (or, in turkish, ikitani cok guzel ekmek).

alot of the buildings are multi-storey flat/apartment with no lifts, so the ladies let down a basket with money in and send the kids in the street on errands for them - or buy stuff from the back of lorries (literally, veg etc especially).

one day she had been some time at the shop and i was looking for her out of the window. i saw her come strolling down the street with not a care in the world. i called out to her 'where have you been? you've been a long time'

'oh' says menekse, in a very careless manner 'i've been buying cigarettes for that lady up there' (pointing to the top floor opposite).

enough said. thankfully our children were never sent to buy whisky at such a tender age.

more about the week 22.9.06

2008-06-10T23:48:00.000+01:00

so, it's been a busy and a speedy week. where does the time go? when i was a kid it seemed to be an age between birthdays and christmasses, now it hardly seems any time at all.

after my victory in the living room we had a busy night on deliveries. i also managed to lose menekse and armylad for a while you will be glad to know i found them again but not until after i had had a panic attack. they were coming home from london on the bus, and didn't respond to my texts or phone calls. eventually as i was walking round tesco wondering whether to call the police menekse phoned me and said they were in the middle of a journey from hell. the bus was late setting off. the drive to leeds from victoria took over 6 hours, the bus driver stopped twice at services to get himself a coffee and LOCKED ALL THE PASSENGERS IN THE BUS, so everyone was getting dehydrated, menekse was distressed because there were quite a few elderly people and children on board. my two then missed their connection from leeds - which menekse was booked on!! and were told 'get the train not our problem' so, it cost them more money, armylad paid actually, and alot longer to get home, they eventually arrived at our house about 8.30 p.m. which is really not acceptable. i rang national express to complain and they are looking into it.

menekse then complained about a sore throat. she does get tonsilitis on a regular basis. then, if you can believe this, i had a bad night with her she was up with pain and a tempreture. so i had to get her into the docs on tuesday afternoon. consequently menekse has spent most of the week laid like a dying duck on the settee dozing and watching friends videos (our activity of choice when sick). she has antibiotics but i have to make sure she is taking them properly, as she is sixteen this is still part of my job, apparently.

16. that happened on wednesday. my baby was 16. man, it makes me feel old and it makes me wonder even more at where the time goes. it only seems like last week they were wheeling me from theatre and instructing my husband 'bring the baby mr xxxx' - i had a section under g/a and he was like the cheshire cat from alice in wonderland - having ordered a blue eyed girl lol.

anyway, she was 16 on wednesday, so i got her to fill the car up with petrol!!!!!! the one rite of passage she WILL be taking part in (the others being - buying lottery tickets - no, buying cigs - been doing that since she was about 4** and having sex - no). we all went over to my sisters for a bbq - we cooked outside and ate inside, armylad came with us obviously and also erdinc which was great. we had a really nice day, punctuated by Lovely Niece walking around saying 'meh-itch?' every time our son disapeared, she idolises him, and he of course practically ignores her, is there no justice?

mainly i am very relieved that i will no longer have to do petrol, if i play my cards right, next year she will start learning to drive and that will be a great help, i can hardly wait, and probably won't have to wait that long. lol.

i, of course, was on deliveries again on wednesday night, but we closed early as erdinc was tired, the kids had got a dvd out and i left them all being chaperoned by him and got an early night, only to be told that he went out and left them at 1.30 a.m. :-(" class="middle" border="0"> not impressed. everything was ok. but menekse was still not well. her and armylad took the dog out for a week and just 'happened' to call into swimming club - it was training. this is where we met armylad and his family. i am ashamed to say that these two christian teenagers deliberately went into training to cause gossip " class="middle" border="0"> even though armylad ostensibly went to catch up with a few people. anyway, it worked, at training last night someone asked me if it was young love and said she could hear wedding bells, apparently it is obvious by looking at them. not to me it isn't. but if asked they both say 'i am single but not available'

i have to go to training tonight as there is, yet again, trouble at swimming, so great is the trouble is that i have been asked to go back on the committee watch this space.

we took armylad home to his parents yesterday afternoon, so far so good, they are all out for the day today and he is coming back to ours tomorrow so that he can do church on sunday. then its back to his camp to wait for the medics to decide what they are going to do with his knee. actually, unsurprisingly, i have a hectic weekend. the visiting minister is staying with us, he arrives saturday afternoon sometime. i have the second day of my swimming referees course in nottingham so will be leaving home at 7 a.m. there is an important gala which i have to stop at to collect meric and a couple of friends who are staying over with us saturday night and i have invited someone else to lunch on sunday too. the swimming friends will be leaving at around 8.15 a.m. to get to mass on time, armylad is no trouble and always helps when he is here anyway, but i am slightly concerned about the food thing. as a matter of fact i am, as we speak, meant to be browning off the meat for sundays goulash, and writing a letter of complaint to swimming club and national express. but we all know the power of the blog " class="middle" border="0">

but, since it is now gone 5 p.m. and i have to sort out the swimmer's towels i had better go. talk to you later.

then it was friday.......and conmen 22.9.06

2008-06-10T23:47:00.002+01:00

can't believe where this week has gone as if by magic it's friday and the weekend again. obviously its pouring down with rain. i am sitting here at the computer wondering if the roof is leaking, i suppose i should really go and have a look, but if i do and it is what am i going to do? we recently, 8.8.06 to be exact, paid 300 gbp (can't find the pound sign on this lap top, any ideas?), well, we paid 300 gbp to have the roof repaired, it had taken us weeks to find someone to actually come and look at the roof and give us a quote, he said it would be a good days work, possibly longer. we waited until we had got the money together and then booked him to do the work. it took 2 hours, seriously, but we still had to pay the 300 gbp. then, a couple of weeks ago the rain was still coming in, this time down the wall and into dd's bedroom on the floor below obviously my husband, bless his cotton socks, said 'what did you expect, he was a con artist, just like all english people, doesn't want to work, wants money for nothing' so, i rang the bloke, being a naive kind of person i suppose i expected him to come round asap and sort it out - we have a guarantee after all. his mobile is disconnected and his wife just keeps saying 'i'll pass the message on' - with no result for me. i have rung several times to no avail. so what to do? get someone else to sort it out? which will, inevitably, cost us more money which we don't have, ignore it? that's not viable is it when rain is coming in. i feel so frustrated and uselss. why do people have to do that kind of thing? am i naive for trusting and believing the guy in the first place? what i think i am going to do is inform the local paper as that's where is saw the advert.

it leaves such a nasty taste and also the worst thing is i have no defence when my husband makes remarks about english workmen, in this case he was right. i suppose part of the problem is the job HE does - working late nights with drunk people is probably not that great.

well, dear reader, in the interests of optimism i just called the roof guy again. his landline. got his wife. she made all the right noises, let's see what happens, she promised to 'get it sorted'

we shall see. i actually didn't intend to rant about cowboy workmen, but since i could probably write for ages i am going to do another entry about my other stuff.

it's all done 18.9.06

2008-06-10T23:47:00.001+01:00

well, that's the lounge 'bottomed' as they say in yorkshire for a couple of months at least. congratulate me dear reader, i moved EVERYTHING, i dusted and wiped EVERYTHING, i hoovered and mopped EVERYWHERE and i re-located some stuff but not everything - so hopefully no-one will be confused and accidentally sit on the bird cage my cd player is more accesible - not for music obviously, my regular reader will know that i don't do music, but i have some sermon cds i would like to listen to. the only fly in the ointment is that the china cabinet i am 'looking after' for my mum is 'on the huh' - that is to say it now goes across a corner rather than straight in an alcove, i don't like crooked stuff, i like things to be straight, i know it's weird, but hey, i am weird.

so, i feel pretty smug and pleased with myself, the large teenagers are somewhere in yorkshire on a bus and the smaller teenager is at the shop with his dad before going training, so i have had a shower and am about to go and buy some food at tesco's. then i might come back and do a bit of blog-surfing, would that be blurfing?

the minister in charge of our church came as well, poor guy, drove over 200 miles to check on everything and everyone and gets all my burdens in his lap,D i guess it's a pretty thankless task being a minister, he was very gracious though and prayed with me and for me before he went. sadly i miss the bible study/prayer meeting on mondays because, of course, i have to drive 'team pizza'. c'est la vie.

phew!! 18.9.06

2008-06-10T23:46:00.000+01:00

my reader will be glad to know that i have, thankfully, been outbid on one of the 8-man tents!!!!!!! what a relief!! i really must keep away from ebay, it's too stressful worrying about what to do if i win the item.

still not cleaning " class="middle" border="0">

cleaning or procrastination 18.9.06

2008-06-10T23:45:00.000+01:00

so, i am full of good intentions this morning. as mentioned in a previous post for some reason which i can't explain i forgot to buy the necessary stuff for sunday dinner on saturday, well, actually i didn't do tescos at all which for me is nothing short of incredible. i don't like to shop on the Lords Day, so we made do with beans on toast or egg sandwiches, which was fine. and actually it worked out really well because it meant i was able to sit on the settee and read my book, a very exciting autobiography of John G Paton Missionary to the New Hebrides (now Vanuatu), it is really unputdownable, if that's a word.

anyway, also while i was sat on the settee i planned today, our living room needs a good clean, its a large room, about 26' feet long, the front half acts as the living room area, the back half is really dead space, our dining table is in our equally large kitchen, so we have the piano at the back of the lounge and also our son's warhammer gear. anyway, i got to thinking it's been a long time since i moved any of the furniture, so i think i am going to have a bit of a shift around, not much, because of the position of the tv aerial and the fire there isn't that much choice, but i can move a bit and give it a good clean too. then the phone rang and i have been chatting to my friend from northern ireland, so while i was talking to her i thought i would check my email and see if i have been outbid on either of the TWO eight-man tents i bid on last night dear reader, please keep your fingers crossed that i do get out-bid, i am not 100% sure i want one 8-man tent, but i am positive i don't want TWO, aaaagggghhhhhh.

my reader might also be interested in the current state of play in our home regarding gaming and electronic screens of all kinds. our son is an addict. having realised this has made it much easier for me to deal with. some time ago i cut the plug off the tv in the spare room, its my mums tv and its the room she will be using when she comes home next month but i am sure she will understand. i have now removed and/or hidden all gaming equipment and i have put a password on this computer so meric can only get supervised access to his bebo account. dear reader this may seem harsh, but it has had a wondrous effect, our son is joining in conversations, he is reading again, its nothing short of miraculous, and i will not allow any gaming machines in the house ever again. the tv is still something of an issue and so i am thinking of putting a lock on the living room door, just for when i am not in, again this may seem like an extreme measure, but the boy is an addict.

anyway, i must get on, i can't sit here procrastinating all day, the older teenagers will be back later and plus i am having a visit from the minister who is overseeing our church in the absence of a minister of our own. another incentive to clean, as if i needed one

up late and being nosy......17.9.06

2008-06-10T23:44:00.000+01:00

so, we had some visitors tonight, people we know from swimming, the mum is on her own having divorced her alcoholic, abusive husband some years ago, the kids are twins - a boy and a girl, although they don't homeschool they are like homeschoolers, quaint, the kids talk in a very articulate manner and look adults in the eye at the same time (check it out with teenagers you know, very unusual), E and i get on very well, she is a devout roman catholic and i, well, i am not. but we get on very well. we caught up on all the news from the summer holidays whilst the kids played risk and watched a video.

then meric and i watched another video and went to bed, except i made the fatal mistake of coming in here to shut the laptop down properly. over an hour later and i am still here. poking about catching up with what people have been doing in my absence.

i also had a text from menekse, apparently its all a drama where she is, armylad is feeling bad about imposing on people, the people are, apparently, a bit weird and dd doesn't feel that comfortable, well, its a hard life and a learning curve, they enjoyed their conference today and i am sure it will all be fine - how weird am i at first meeting? can't imagine, answers on a postcard please. the daughter of the family is lovely and so i am sure that things will be fine. i do miss menekse when she is not here though, so i will be glad when monday evening comes around and we are all back where we should be. apparently they have bought booksD which i am very excited about.

next saturday should be fun. the visiting minister is staying with us, he will arrive mid-afternoon most likely, meric has a gala in the next town, i arranged a lift with E, she is away for the weekend so the twins are staying with us, armylad will most likely be here ready for church, and oh, did i mention i am doing a referees course? no? well, i am and the second day of the course is..........next saturday!!! so i have a whole week to feel anxious about how i am going to manage that lot. deep joy.

the following weekend the celebrations start for our daughters 16th and then on the 4th of october my mum is coming home for a couple of months. its all going on in this part of the world.

well, its almost 3 a.m. and i have to get up for church, to be fair i didn't get up until gone noon today due to a very long busy day yesterday, but i don't like to feel tired on a sunday and stupidly i didn't do tescos today so now i don't know what we will have for lunch, there appears to be only ice cream in the freezer. and beans in the cupboard. watch this space.

goodnight.

my graduating sister 16.9.06

2008-06-10T23:43:00.002+01:00

as my reader will know i have two little sisters, one of whom is married and also mother to Lovely Niece, she has a BSc and an MSc, my little sister has recently graduated with something in psychiatric nursing, i am very very proud of her, especially since i remember her being born (i also remember the absolute awe and wonder of Two-Degrees-Sister because the new baby had two hands!!). anyway, menekse babysat while we went to the graduation ceremony, this is a photo of my two sisters on the day.....

the ceremony was pretty good, greg dyke is the chancellor at york uni so that was interesting, afterwards we went out for lunch to a very nice cafe-bar type place, a good time was had by all i think, my sisters boyfriend came too.

oooh, i have to go, my long expected visitors have just arrived, i might be back later.

arrest of homeschooling mum.......16.9.06

2008-06-10T23:43:00.001+01:00

i am not in the habit of cutting and pasting news items, it's a very lazy way of blogging imho, whats the point? and some blogs seem to be just full of news items either cut and paste or links which we can all find anywhere on the net, doesn't show much imagination or effort if you ask me, but each to their own, however, i am now going to go and do that exact thing, this item came through on my home-ed list today....

Germany Imprisons Mum. Dad and Kids Flee to Austria
From the desk of Alexandra Colen on Tue, 2006-09-12 21:11

Last Thursday the German police arrested Katharina Plett, a homeschooling mother of twelve. Yesterday her husband fled to Austria with the children. Homeschooling is illegal in Germany since Hitler banned it in 1938. The Plett family belongs to a homeschooling group of seven Baptist families in Paderborn. We wrote about their case last year.

Stefan Sedlaczek of the Catholic website kreuz.net heard about her arrest on Saturday. He reports today that a female plain-clothes police officer rang at Katharina Plett’s house on Thursday around 11:00 am. When she opened the door other police officers, who had hidden themselves, forced their way in. Mrs Plett was allowed to change, but a police officer followed her into her bedroom in case “she would arm herself and shoot us all.” The woman was able to inform her husband by mobile phone before the police brought her to Bielefeld.

The authorities later informed her husband that she has been imprisoned in Gelsenkirchen. Apparently she has been given a ten day prison sentence. When Sedlaczek rang the Gelsenkirchen prison authorities to get confirmation of Katharina Plett’s whereabouts, he was told that no information would be given. A written request for information has so far not been answered either. Unless we are mistaken, the German mainstream media have not written anything about this case yet.

Yesterday, Katharina’s husband fled with their children to a Christian family center in Wolfgangsee in Austria. A homeschooling couple from Hamburg has also fled to Wolfgangsee. Their case was covered in the media. In Austria parents are entitled to homeschool during a one year trial period, after which the authorities decide whether the parents are allowed to continue homeschooling or not.

the link is here http://www.brusselsjournal.com/node/1330

interestingly, just as hitler outlawed home-ed, it was the wonderful winston churchill who had our right to home-ed enshrined in the 1944 education act as he had such an awful time at school and didn't want to inflict that on anyone else, well, thats as i understand it anyway. (the act says it is the parents responsibility to educate their children according to age, aptitude and ability either at school OR OTHERWISE)

my american friend visits.......16.9.06

2008-06-10T23:41:00.000+01:00

my regular reader will know that i am married to a muslim, for a long time i have been involved on an email list for christian women married to or involved with muslim men, when i first joined i met this lovely lady from the US, we really hit it off, actually it was her who encouraged me to think about homeschooling. anyway, we have now been friends for about 10 years we think. for various reasons which i won't bore you with she had occasion to travel to englandD it was very exciting. although i was very very nervous. i find meeting new people very stressful and as my reader will know i don't do stress. anyway, eventually it was decided that she would travel up from london to york by train and we would spend the day in york together. we went for lunch straight away, in a little tea room i know, our daughter came and my sister and Lovely Niece also met us. it was really nice.

after lunch the others left us and cheryl and i wandered round york for a bit, we also 'did' the minster, which is compulsory really for americans visiting york, but dear me, how bad things have become in our established church - i won't say more here as it probably needs another post, but, suffice to say i wasn't at all tempted back into the mainstream by this visit - quite the opposite in fact. anyway, we had a walk round the minster and then went to bettys for afternoon tea, which was fantastic, we really enjoyed it, well, we sat talking for about 3 hours which was the best part. we sat there virtually until it was time for cheryl to get the train back to london. it was really lovley, not at all strained, just like meeting an old friend, i can't wait until the next time!!!! i felt quite sad when she got on the train, and because i have been ill and so busy i haven't even emailed her properly since she went home. shame on me

so, i recommend the afternoon tea in bettys but not the minster, especially as its so expensive, if you do go don't expect any spiritual benefit, just enjoy the architecture. i have several posts in my head but think it better to write several instead of just one huge one. so off i go.

things about me you may not know 16.9.06

2008-06-10T23:39:00.001+01:00

and may not want to know.........lol

things you may have never known about me

1. Initials:
JMI

2. Name someone with the same birthday as you:
kylie minogue

3. Favorite fruit?
raspberries

4. For or against same sex marriage?
against

5. Are you allergic to anything?
cats

6. Are you bisexual?
no

7. Have you ever slept in someone else's clothes?
my husbands

8. How many U.S. states have you been to?
two

9. How many of the U.S. states/UK Counties have you lived in?
none/two

10. Have you ever lived outside the U.S.?
obviously, perhaps we should change this to the UK and its counties - and no i have never lived outside the UK

11. Name something physical you like about yourself.
hmm, probably my hair

12. Something non-physical you like about yourself?
i think i am kind, i am also pretty hospitable

13. Do you have any pets?
a dog, a bird and a hamster, plus two teenagers

14. What is your dream car?
i like audis, they are lovely to drive, but currently i have my eye on a volkswagen people carrier up the road, its a 9-seater and would suit me down to the ground, sadly it is owned by someone else!!

15. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?
hmm, not sure, i would like to take the kids to florida, i would like to take my husband on a proper holiday, but i don't have a burning desire to go anywhere in particular.

16. are you bi-polar
not when i last checked lol

17. What dream car do you want your husband/wife to drive?
he likes porsches

18. Where would you want to go on a first date?
as i have been married for 20 years just out for dinner on our own would be nice.

19. Would you date the person who posted this before you?
no

20. Has anyone ever sang or performed for you personally?
our daughter!!

21. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
nope

22. Do you like president Bush?
no

23.Have you ever bungee jumped?
obviously not. i did do a parachute jump once though when at uni.

24. Have you ever white water rafted?
no

25. Has anyone 5 years older than you ever hit on you?
yes.

26. Are you racist?
no - obviously again i guess

27. What song are you listening to right now?
none

28. What's your favorite song at the moment?
a hymn - i can not tell why He whom angels worshipped, it goes to the tune of the londonderry air aka danny boy

29. what was the last movie you watched?
the sentinel - it was ok, a bit like 24 though

30. Where was the last place you went besides your workplace or house?
out for lunch today with our son

31. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property?
no, seriously, perhaps i am the worlds most boring person

32. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
yes

33. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
nothing really, their handshake maybe?

35. What do you usually order from Starbucks
regular latte

36. Say something totally random about yourself?
i don't like mushrooms

37. Do you have an iPod?
no

38. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
no

39. Do you have freckles?
yes

41. Do you love someone right now?
yes my husband

42. How tall are you?
5' 6.5"

43. Do you speak any other language other than English?
turkish

44. Have you ever ridden in a limo?
no

45. Has anyone you were really close to passed away?
yes, quite a few people including my dad when i was 9 and my step-father 17 years ago. also my fil and quite a few close aunts and uncles

46. Do you watch tv?
not really

48. What's something that really annoys you?
loud music everywhere

49. What are some things you really like?
peace, quiet, good conversation, good food, being with family

50 Do you like Micheal Jackson?
no

51. Have you ever surfed?
no

52. Do you know how to pump gas?
yes

53. What do you drive?
a toyota corolla

54. What's the latest you have ever stayed out?
all night

55. Have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die?
yes, almost 15 years ago i had a huge abscess in my uterus, impacted into my bowel, it was pretty hairy there for a while

56. Were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
not me, but i have gone in an ambulance on a blue light with both our kids - which is probably worse than going oneself.

57. Have you ever been dared to do something you didn't want to do?
probably but it can't have been that scary as i can't remember

59. What color is your hair?
brown

60. What color are your eyes?
blue

61. Do you have any special talents?
no, not really.

62. Favorite non-alcoholic drink?
real lemonade

63. Favorite city?
istanbul

64. Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull?
no

65. If you were working on a pirate ship, what would you most likely be?
the cook

66. Who do you work with?
our kids and my husband

67. Last thing you watched on tv?
grumpy old women

68. Do you wear glasses or contacts?
glasses

69. Have you ever taken a roadtrip?
yes, several, with my mum, the longest being from the uk to istanbul, awesome.

more photos!! 13.9.06

2008-06-10T23:37:00.001+01:00

so, i managed it, so here are some more, if you wave the cursor over the photo the title comes up, ain't technology grand!!!!!!!

about photos 13.9.06

2008-06-10T23:36:00.000+01:00

so, for the third time this afternoon i am going to try and post some photos, my reader will know that i have a new phone, it takes photos too, and after several months i have worked out how to get photos from my phone to the laptop, now i am hoping i have got them from the laptop into my blog, we shall see.

i miss blogging, its quite cathartic, i want to try and get back to being a regular blogger, our lovely daughter is going away this weekend, i have quite a few things i need to catch up with email etc, so hopefully blogging will be one of them.

It's been a long time......26.8.06

2008-06-10T23:33:00.000+01:00

since my last blog.

and as usual that is because i have had so much to do, the kids are always on the computer - i am not sure which i covet more, a new kitchen or a new computer of my own

also, i was slightly ill and this past week was high leigh, woo hoo.

in amongst all of that the eldest son of a family we know came home on leave, stayed with us, was wonderfully saved and is currently on a high in his new life, he is so excited, its wonderful, he goes back to his posting on monday, he even came to high leigh with us and was greatly blessed by the fellowship and teaching he found there. i also think he has feelings for our daughter but since she isn't sixteen for another month there is no question of any dating or anything. watch this space.

i had a nasty abscess on my neck last week, well, it started almost two weeks ago, my regular reader will know that i suffer from eczema, seems like it was a bit of an infection which got out of control, i had to go in hospital in the end and have it lanced and drained, most unpleasant, i had a large dressing on it which looks ridiculous, have to keep going and getting it re-packed and re-dressed plus they shaved some of my hair off, nice. this meant that the teenagers - our two, plus liverpool, plus newly saved army lad, had to go to high leigh on the bus which they thought a great adventure, i missed the first night and morning, had to travel down on tuesday with the two ladies from church. we had such a great week though, it was really wonderful. did us all good.

i can't stay, i have to wash my hair, clean the bathroom, go to tescos and get my head redressed. lol

superhero identity 29.7.06

2008-06-10T23:19:00.000+01:00

in the spirit of..........blogging unity or something like that anyway. i did the test, i actually thought people were making this stuff up themselves, but there is a link on aj's trivial pursuit page.

Name: Citronella
Secret Identity: jools61
Special Power: Power Lips
Transportation: Psionic Tricycle
Weapon: Gamma Blunderbuss
Costume: Fibersteel Skin
Sidekick: Dumbo
Nemesis: Ming the Blue
Tragic Flaw: Fear of bugs
Favorite Food: Melon

my lovely husband came up as....

Name: Scary Ox
Secret Identity: erdinc
Special Power: Lightning Tentacles
Transportation: Quantum Bike
Weapon: Graviton Rifle
Costume: Hardened Underwear
Sidekick: Pippin
Nemesis: Jack the Clever
Tragic Flaw: Fear of snakes
Favorite Food: French Toast

now i am off to get lovely daughter from somewhere over the bridge, she is going via feeding the horses, i am going via tescos - obviously, i haven't been today and the rule is i have to go every day except sundays.

fruitbowls listy via ajnspencer 29.7.06

2008-06-10T23:18:00.000+01:00

1.If there was one thing you could have for free what would it be?
a new kitchen, assuming we are talking practical here.

2.What was your first job?
oh my, selling donuts and ice cream on a caravan holiday park somewhere on yorkshire coast

3.Have you ever been sick on someone?
definitely not.

4. Can you cook? What would you make me for my dinner?
yes. hmm, a good lasagne, carbonara, a good roast with homemade yorkshire puddings, kofte and all the trimmings.

5.The last event you went to that required a ticket?
cinema last wednesday - stormbreaker, it was pretty good.

6. What would improve your day today?
my husband getting saved. you knew i had to bring the religious stuff in somewhere.

7. You catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror...what do you think?
wow, why have you got a spot on your chin when you are 45 years old?

8. When was the last time you danced?
couple of weeks ago with my Lovely Niece. to a disney cd, there, my street cred has just gone out of the window.

9. The last thing you read?
bible and the book 'the secret key to heaven' (both because i was cross-refrencing, always check everything people, thats the best advice i can give you)

10. The last thing you watched?
the lunchtime news.

what a waste of a day....... and a bit of a moral rant 29.7.06

2008-06-10T23:16:00.003+01:00

i can hear my mums voice ringing in my ears, it's not pretty.

we got up fairly early and managed our bible study, prayer and reading session before meric's friend arrived and they went off swimming. we are reading through a pile of magazines i get called 'the young reformer' - they document the history of the reformation, in short easy to read style with illustrations, very interesting, todays was about 'the pastors in the desert' - the huguenots in france, they suffered terrible persecution and the children were used mightily by the Lord. anyway, by the time meric had walked the dog etc and his friend had arrived it was almost but not quite time to get erdinc up, he was going to cash and carry. i hate it when that happens - not enough time to really get on with anything and too much time just to twiddle your thumbs for a bit. i ended up flicking through the t.v. channels which lets face it IS just a total waste of time. mind you i did see the news, it seems to me the situation in the middle east is just getting worse and worse, does anyone know how to resolve it? i doubt it, not even those politicians who are paid a fortune, i don't suppose they have a clue, and as always its the ordinary people who are suffering the most, it seems, from what i saw on the BBC that aid and food isn't getting through even.

i woke erdinc up and while he was getting ready i sat on my very uncomfortable settee (i am coveting subs new sofa, it sounds wonderful), and read my book, its very good, i will most likely have to read it again, its really helping me to get focussed on the Lord and get my own prayer life in order, there is so much to pray for and so little time. the Lord Jesus spent a huge amount of time in private prayer during His time on earth, He prayed through the night alot too, taking Him as our example would mean that we would truly be praying without ceasing. mind you just praying for the peace of Jerusalem could take most of the day i suppose.

anyway, meric and his friend went swimming, erdinc went to cash and carry, menekse is still away - so i thought i would CLEAN i know, i know, what a shock. don't panic though dear reader, i only did our bedroom and half the bathroom. lol.

the good thing is that we have floorboards in every room, so a quick mop over does the job really well, i stripped our bed, put the sheets in the wash; then polished and damp mopped before moving onto the bathroom. i felt quite pleased with myself. the bedroom smells really nice now too. mind you it was terribly hot still, so not really the weather for cleaning, but going out is so stressful. the boys rang me when they had finished swimming and i met them in a local coffee shop for lunch, i had to walk through town, by the time i got there i was hyperventilatiing, i know why i stay at home in the summer!!

erdinc asked me, before he went to do the shopping, to go up to the shop at about 3.30 p.m. to make sure the staff arrived and the shop was open properly etc by 4 p.m. at 3.50 p.m. i was sat outside a locked shop with no sign of any staff anywhere.

sandra, who is our main part-timer and who has worked for us for years, has had a bit of a domestic this week, don't really know the ins and outs, don't want to especially, her partner abandoned their kids so he could go gambling, went back and then smashed the house up, someone called the police - it took five police and some pepper spray to get him under control, he has been banned from going near her and today the police came and removed all his stuff from the house. so, sandra was late for work, she made it sound like the ex had broken in, but, when she finally got to work she brought her new bloke with her is it me? i mean her and her now ex had a bit of a strange menage a trois going on, he has another woman with another child in another village, and then sandra and him have two girls together, what on earth do those children think about all those goings on? is this 'normal' nowadays? is this how people live? am i old fashioned? i was feeling sorry for sandra during the week, the ex had smashed up alot of her precious ornaments etc, this morning my husband said 'you see you can't feel sorry for her, she has already got another bloke' - well, i do feel sorry for someone who has the morals of an alley cat. is that too strong? what sort of world are we creating? kids growing up who don't know who their fathers are, who don't know what it means to be in a stable, secure loving home environment with two parents - so what sort of home are they going to create? its all very worrying. i have heard people say there will be a backlash, but where from? church leaders are toothless and spineless. my guess is the muslims will start to change things. then there will be trouble. we will all be wearing hijab before we know it.

anyway, better get off my moral high-horse. i am now waiting for menekse to call me to say they are leaving lincoln, then i will leave home and we will meet on the south bank of the humber, just over the bridge, so that i can collect her, she has had a lovely time, been out riding and to an endurance ride today, hope she is coming home motivated to start working on her a-levels etc. i have been on e-bay to look for some books for meric, happened to put a big on a black dress for myself too " class="middle" border="0">

anyway, i can hear the boys paintspraying some warhammer models, hopefully they are doing it in the backyard, but perhaps i better go and check, be a good parent instead of an absentee parent!!

an early night 29.7.06

2008-06-10T23:16:00.001+01:00

as if....

i fully intended to go to bed early tonight, we have had a good few days getting plenty of work done, meric seems to be quite motivated this week, let's see how long it lasts. we have had good times of prayer and bible study together and me on my own which i always find beneficial, actually, quiet time alone with the Lord does me the power of good, i always wonder why i am not diligent about it when i realise what a blessing it is to talk to Him and read the Word quietly in my closet, then come on here and brag about it apparently

anyway, like i said i was going to bed, then i read roblaytons blog and discovered UTube, so i have spent about an hour watching/listening to the osmonds/kenny rogers, i resisted the temptation to see if there were any bay city rollers videos, rob says this site is addictive, he's right.

one of the reasons for meric's current motivation levels is that he has decided he really really wants to do maths at oxford, which requires at least 3 As at a-level, maths obviously and preferably further maths as well. to encourage him i have just printed out a 20-page pdf leaflet about studying maths at oxford, i figure it will either kill him or motivate him, perhaps it will spur him onto using his time more wisely.

anyway, i am really really off to bed now or i won't get up in the morning.

feeling in a bad mood 25.7.06

2008-06-10T23:13:00.001+01:00

i am feeling very blue. (do you see what i did there?)

don't ask me why, i have no idea. i feel lonely, fed up, discouraged and tired of everything. i suppose i will feel better at some point, but right now i just feel like i can't really be bothered with anything very much.

the weather doesn't help, i don't do hot, don't like it, never have done, never will, and, as i have said in other posts, it brings out the worst in people, especially on their holidays. i am fed up of trying to get my supermarket shopping done while half naked holidaymakers stand and discuss what they are going to have on their barbie, DECIDE BEFORE YOU SHOP, WRITE A LIST.

my over the road neighbours are sitting out for most of the day drinking and playing music, whatever time i go out they are there, how can they afford that? do they work ? who pays for their life of leisure? me probably. thats another thing that is getting me down. i am fed up with having no money. well, not with having no money, i don't mind that, except that i would like to have the roof repaired and buy some new underwear, don't think thats too much to ask is it? well, apparently it is at this time. the shop is getting busier, but all the money is still going to pay of our arrears.

menekse is away and i miss her.

meric has no motivation to do anything except fiddle with or stare at electronic screens, or read about them. its so very sad. he doesn't read, he can no longer hold an intelligent conversation because his brain is addled from too much gaming etc, i fear he is wasting his life. but short of rant and rave every hour of every day there is not alot i can do. nothing motivates him, not even money, he SAYS he wants to do maths at oxford, have a penthouse flat in london and drive a sports car. he is under the illusion that he can get all these things without actually doing any work. very sad. or completely i am not sure which. i know that i really really wish i had never allowed any game consoles in the house and i am definitely not having any more, and i have told him, he was gutted when he realised he will not get to play halo3 on an xbox 360 - or he might think i will change my mind when push comes to shove, well, i won't, and i have blogged it and so that makes it binding.

on a lighter note, my little sister got back from south america and she had had a great time, she has updated my mums blog i think, but i have no link to it as my mum doesn't understand how the blog thing works and didn't want it to be a chat site, so wanted all my bits from her welcome page removed, she felt it made her blog look wrong, i couldn't explain it to her properly via text and couldn't be bothered to do anything else, so i just deleted myself. makes life difficult when i want to check it out, but hey thats my purpose in life, to make other people feel great so that i feel like good job my self esteem is all in Christ isn't it?

which reminds me, i nearly lost it at church on sunday night. once again nora and i were the ones getting everything ready for the supper after the service, we were then accused of being marthas as opposed to marys, well, frankly, it would be nice if i were given the opportunity of being a mary - but the same people sit on their backsides waiting for other people to do all the work. and i wouldn't mind but nora is elderly. but don't tell her i said that.

dear me, i really am out of sorts, better go before i really start ranting.

tags and lists 19.7.06

2008-06-10T23:12:00.000+01:00

i have removed all the tags from all the posts on my blogs, the length of the list of tags was really irritating me - particluarly because as far as i can see a tag on a post serves no real purpose, i can see the point of user interest tags, but not post tags. i have another list from aj, but i see on his new trivial pursuit blog that he is using the word 'meme' - which i have also seen elsewhere, what does it mean? i think it is probably an acrostic. but i am not sure, any offers?

1. How do you like to be kissed?
by my husband :XX" class="middle" border="0">

2. If you could visit your 18 year old self what advice would you give them?
don't bother trying to drink alcohol - you don't like it, keep yourself for marriage, get saved so you don't waste your youth.

3. What was the best present that you ever recieved?
eternal life in heaven with my Saviour, or my mp3 player

4. What are you most afraid of?
nothing, loved ones not getting saved.

5. What do you most desire?
hosuehold salvation.

6. Would you spend the night alone in a haunted room?
yes. i am washed in the blood!!

7. Have you ever nearly died?
yes, when i had our son via c-section a bug got inside me, brewed itself up for the next 3.5 years into a lovely abscess in my uterus which also impacted my bowel, i ended up with serious abdo surgery and lost a fallopian tube and an ovary. didn't die though.

8. Would you be afraid to swim at nightime?
no

9. Do you do the right thing even when you hurt yourself?
try to.

10. Are you in love?
yes, see number 1

11. Is sex overated?
no, not with the right person - see number 1

12. Can you keep secrets?
yes

13. Did you choose the life you lead?
no

getting lazy 19.7.06

2008-06-10T23:11:00.000+01:00

its too hot to think, thank goodness i live at the seaside and there is a nice cool breeze, we have had alot of visitors, i am the delivery driver so don't have time tonight to write a nice post about my sisters graduation or complain about lobster red holidaymakers taking up the whole pavement in town or aisle in tesco....so here is a listy about blogging.

What made you start blogging?
not sure, i had some stuff going on surrounding my church, it seemed like a good place to write my thoughts down and try to get them in order. its also a bit of my own space - homeschooling means i get little time to myself.

How many posts do you write a day?
well, i used to try for one, but lately i have been a bit lax, hope things will get back on track soon.

Do you think people read your blog? If so why?
no. i think my sisters do, and maybe when it comes up on the 'recently posted' list.

What musical style would you describe your blog?
Gospel with a little bit of country angst

Do you read other blogs often?
yes, i think i read more than i write.

What attracts you to other blogs?
not sure, i like newsy blogs, funny blogs, the kind that tell a bit about a person and their interests/worldview. i also like the trivia kind.

What blog title would make you read a new persons blog?
not sure about that either, some titles seem really random, some seem very suitable, its difficult to judge a blog by its name.

What title would make you steer clear of another persons blog?
rudeness, bad language, too much blasphemy.

Do you ever discover new Bloggers because they are frinds of bloggers you know already?
yes. there are some bloggers i look at regularly even though they are not on my friends list, then i follow their friends too if i have some time to kill, the most frustrating thing is finding a good new blog and then not being able to get back there.....

As a percentage, how addicted are you to blogging?
fairly low but only because i am so busy in the real world, about 30 per cent maybe, if i had more time i guess it would be more like 70 per cent.

another listy 12.7.06

2008-06-10T23:07:00.001+01:00

1. Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with?
No.

2. What would you do with 1,000 plastic spoons?
give them to drunk people to eat kebabs with.

3. What kind of music did you listen to in primary school?
the osmonds, the bay city rollers, david cassidy and the truly disgusting gary glitter (at least i am honest)

4. What is the best thing about your job?
i am training and educating the next generation of parents and, currently, education specialists, its hardwork but rewarding and fulfilling.

5. Do you wish cell phone etiquette was required in public?
yes. sorry.

6. Where are you going on your next vacation?
we go to a christian conference for 5 days in august, near london, we don't do holidays per se, we go to visit my in-laws who happen to live in istanbul, be honest do you think of visiting your in-laws as a holiday? didn't think so.

7. Quote a song lyric?
'and they called it puppy love'

8. Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
a mix i think.

9. Do you own any furniture from Ikea?
Yes

10. If you could be an animal what would you be?
a dog, as long as i lived in a good home.

11. What was the last conversation/s you had about?
with menekse, one of her friends is into 'one upmanship' in a big way, we were discussing this girls latest attempt to make menekse feel like a poor relation.

12. Where do you see yourself in one month?
Probably here.

13. What is your favorite smell?
kouros, on my husband.

14. What is your favorite sight?
the faces in my family.

15. Do you consider yourself bi-polar?
no.

16. Who was the last person you drove with?
the kids, back from the shop/delivery.

17. What was the last thing you bought?
a four pound t-shirt from tesco for me, and a diet coke

18. What are you wearing right now?
Black jogging bottoms and a red t-shirt.

19. What do you use for bookmarks?
i fold the corners down i know its a terrible habit, i do have a lovely embroidered bookmark of some violets, stitched by menekse, but i don't use it in case i lose it

20. Have you ever gone camping?
Yes

21. Your "newest" friend?
cheryl from florida, we are meeting next month for the first time face to face.

22. Your "oldest" friend
nicole and melanie from poly

23. Best part of the last week?
sunday, always sunday.

24. Worst part of the last week?
not sure, thursday was pretty grim, dh was in a bad mood.

25. What are your plans for tomorrow?
schoolwork, finish cleaning the lounge, someone is coming to look at the house to value it. read in the evening, no training due to an injury sustained at last weeks gala.

26. What was the last time you got really dressed up?
can't remember, i wear 'smartish' every sunday, i am getting dressed up on friday for my youngest sisters graduation though.

27. What is the most expensive thing you've bought recently?
the curriculum i use for the kids although i haven't paid for it yet.

28. Last concert (or show) you attended:
Panto at Christmas

29. Coolest thing you've gotten in the post lately:
nothing . menekse got a very funny and kind letter from one of her friends.

30. Describe your favorite article of clothing:
a long brown corduroy skirt which i can't wear anymore because ITS TOO BIG

31. How many CDs do you have by any ONE artist or group?
three or four, but two of them are missing.

32. Do you subscribe to any magazines?
creation magazine, british church newspaper, watching and waiting, the revivalist, the burning bush, truth for youth.

33. What was the last thing you created?
sunday dinner.

34. Are you reading any books right now?
yes, still reading george whitfield, a church history book with the kids, a commentary on ruth and book about private prayer.

35. Do you remember your favorite book from childhood?
the little women series and also the what katy did books, oh and anything by enid blyton

36. What do you do when you can't fall asleep?
listen to the world service, pray, read.

37. Have you ever randomly bumped into a actor/actress/or other generally famous person on the street?
i saw jo brand in a shop in london a while ago and norman 'bites yer legs' hunter kissed me when i was a kid

38. Are there any musical artists that you used to like but don't anymore because their style of music changed too much?
nope.

39. Are there any covers you think are better than the original?
no. i know i should know this but i don't.

40. What food(s) do you go to the store for ASAP when you run out?
milk. soap powder.

41. In which country do you wish you'd been born?
canada maybe. vanuatu is the happiest place to live apparently (UK being 184th), so perhaps there would be a good choice.

42. Do you like it when old ladies refer to you as "Dear", or "Hon", or "Sugar"?
doesn't bother me and i use 'love' all the time anyway and regularly call kids 'sweetheart' - so perhaps i am in the old lady category nowadays.

43. Share random fact about yourself:
i really really don't like peppers or mushrooms.

44. What's the best field trip you ever went on?
mum and i took the kids on an overland trip to turkiye, it was amazing, the architecture in italy, the war stuff in france, the scenery in switzerland, the beaches in greece.

45. Have you ever dressed up for Halloween at work?
No.

46. Do you have any clothes that you pilfered or inherited from your parents?
yes, i lost alot of weight and my mum passed some of her stuff on to me.

47. What was the last free thing you received?
can't think of anything, the local free paper?

48. What's your favorite black and white movie?
any war film, i especially like mrs miniver.

49. If you have a wall calendar, what kind is it?
a TBS one with just dates and a scripture text, then in the kitchen a free one with wildlife of britain on it and spaces to write, from the butcher which is weird imho

50. If you were to dress up as a musician, which one would you be?
marie osmond.

a list 12.7.06

2008-06-10T23:06:00.000+01:00

i like lists, some of them really make a person think about stuff. i stole this one from prydwen.

1) How would you spend an ideal day?
in the yorkshire dales, a walk, a bbq, a good book and a deckchair, with the family.

2) Are you close to your family?
yes, very.

3) What are your 5 favourite possessions?
my bible, our home (does it count if it is still mortgaged i wonder?), my wedding ring, my birkenstocks, my mp3 player

4) What's your worst fault?
procrastination

5) What have been the best 3 moments in your life?
getting saved, getting married, giving birth.

6) What are your favourite colours?
hmmm, blue, i think.

7) Do you feel like you have a home/belong somewhere?
my home is in heaven and that is where i belong, in the meantime i have a lovely home here on earth, which is where i feel i really belong. for now.

8) Do you like being alone?
yes.

9) Is your silence ever empty?
Never.

10) What are your 3 favourite works of art - textual or visual?
the bible (sorry, i realise i am boring), anything by turner, the poetry of wilfred owen - particularly anthem for doomed youth.

changes 7.7.06

2008-06-10T23:05:00.000+01:00

so, i finally plucked up the courage to fiddle with my settings and found that i could change everything. i am easily pleased apparently! i kept seeing the button that said something about design. but i was too worried to press it. i worry easily too. i finally got around to signing up for an orange mobile phone contract, that scared and worried me too. what if we end up with a huge bill? i have already downloaded two yoda tones (a message tone and a ring tone). i have a lovely new phone with a camera, if i can ever work out how to use it i may well post a couple of pictures here.

aside - what has happened to this post? the pink has all disapeared. i can't seem to get it back. see, this is the kind of thing i worry about. plus my husband just called to say he has put petrol in the car, i knocked a cold cup of tea over all over some stuff i had just created and printed out for history (a project on the british consitution since you ask, and yes we do already have one, its just really old and our beloved leader doesn't like history). i need petrol because we are going to train with the east riding squad in beverley (well, not me obviously, meric will train i will watch), fairly near the hospital sharon is in, but i went last night and on wednesday after cash and carry and i am tired and have a headache too, so i think i will stay on the poolside and play with the phone until i know how to use it, apparently it has an MP3 player in there somewhere.

there we go, now i am worried that the font size will be all wrong, what is the optimum size i wonder? this is why i don't like change. too much to think about.

it's all getting a bit unpleasant at swimming club and with the family we are helping/visiting. sharon is alot better and is getting a home visit next week, apparently major heart surgery and a stroke both cause excessive fatigue on their own, put the two together...... its happened again. oh dear. now i can't find the right colour. i suppose the moral of the blog is, don't put any smilies in until the entry is finished, at this rate its going to be a multi-coloured tweenie like blog.

anyway, we have all decided the best thing to do is talk to the health visitor about the daughter and also leave her to sort herself out, she is now saying, having eaten all her mums food, that she can't go home because she doesn't have any money, and yet she has been to the cinema 3 times this week and is also out drinking, leaving her new baby at home with who knows who. no-one really has alot of time to go running around after her and if she can't be bothered to visit her mum why should we put ourselves out and disrupt our own families so that she can waited on hand and foot. i feel mean though. but i am trying to be strong. my husband is fed up with me helping people all the time, he thinks i should learnt to say 'no' especially as we are busy trying to catch up with our finances etc. and, he is slightly more irritated because we have Liverpool Lady staying for a few days, she is ok, but a bit annoying, she is a spinster and a bit set in her ways, she invites herself over, then follows me round the house, she is also a bit touchy feely. i did tell her we were very busy with work and school but she insisted on coming so i have really had to leave her to her own devices.

and at swimming, well, what can i say except that people are beginning to see the chairwoman for what she is - a two-faced, hyporcritcal, poo-stirring liar. she has really upset a few people and it looks like there may well be a vote of no-confidence, then we will need a new chair............i am taking my mums advice and keeping my head down and my mouth shut, i am not going there again. i might do competitions until sharon is back on her feet.

it was all made alot more stressful on wednesday when we heard from turkiye that my mother in law had been taken into hospital again, we had a very worrying few hours until we heard that it wasn't another stroke but rather some kind of fit brought on by tiredness, too many visitors and too much excitement. i am very relieved, for a little while it looked as if erdinc would have to go home again which would have made things hard, but for the time being he can stay here and work, lol. lucky guy.

i have finally found someone who is, apparently, going to repair our roof, it has only taken about 6 months to find someone who actually bothered to turn up. i had another nasty scare this week when i thought the washer had broken down in this house that is serious cause for concern, with a swimmer, a kebab man AND a teenage daughter the washing machine never stops as i am sure my reader knows from experience if any or all of those types also live in their house. anyway, it transpires that i wasn't banging the door hard enough when i closed it, which is great, but now i have piles and piles of washing which is going to take me all weekend. but i am not going anywhere as i have Lovely Niece coming tomorrow, i might take her to the beach if the weather is still nice

i think the best thing to do with this new system is to cut the whole post, and change the font and the colour at the end so that it all matches at least. a new hairdressers has opened in our locality, i don't use a hairdressers as a) i can't afford it b) i don't need it having long straight hair. i am digressing. this new shop has received a business grant which is great, but it is also called THE COLOR - note the spelling, i wouldn't go there on principal, the spelling is COLOUR.

anyway, time is moving on and this blog entry is getting longer and longer, and i am afraid i don't think even makes any sense, i can't remember what i was going to blog about, i got distracted by various other subjects most of which are quite boring. anyway, i must get ready to take meric to swimming training. last night when we returned he ate 3 frozen pizzas, those goodfella ones, Liverpool Lady was stunned into silence which was quite funny. i explained he is a teenage boy and had just swum almost 5K, so contrary to appearances was in fact starving. i am not sure she was convinced.

anyway, look at the text, its all gone haywire again.

more about helping people 1.7.06

2008-06-10T23:03:00.001+01:00

so, my regular reader will know that i am currently involved with helping a family whose mum has just had major heart surgery followed by some mini strokes and where the daughter has just had her second baby - the older one only being a toddler.

i have been feeling slightly irritated all day.

the other people who have been on the visiting/helping rota for this family have actually been getting crosser and crosser, they feel that we are being taken serious advantage of by the children of the mum. the two kids, who are 19 and 17, make no effort to go and visit sharon themselves, most days they don't even ring up the ward or to talk to her. they haven't been to see the doctor to find out whats the matter with her - she won't wake up, its as if she is drunk or drugged up or something, some days are worse than others, she is confused and looks kind of 'empty' in her eyes.

if she was my mum i would be banging on all the doors in the hospital to find out what had happened to her and what the doctors were doing about it. but the kids can't be bothered. there is no other responsible adult who is also a family member.

the daughter doesn't appear to be capable of taking care of her two kids. indeed last night she left the 10 day old baby with her 17 year old brother and his mate and went out to the cinema, drinking and playing snooker, she then called me on my mobile at 4.37 a.m. to ask if our shop was open, she was drunk and not at home (her mobile doesn't work at home), i was cross, then i couldn't get back to sleep and consequently have really wasted my saturday because i was so tired this morning i couldn't get anything done.

i too am now starting to feel a bit used, it's not nice. i know that the daughter called me because she thinks by calling me i will give her a discount, but she also knows our shop phone number off by heart and she knows that i don't work in the shop at weekends. both the kids seems to want everyone to run around after them, its as if they think we owe them something, they won't make any effort and don't seem to consider the fact that we are giving our time and our money to help them out - the hospital is an 80 mile round trip for me if i go out to their village and collect them before going. they don't seem to understand that they have to help themselves a bit as well and at the end of the day if they can't be bothered to talk to the doctors and find out whats going on why should we be bothered?

frankly i have enough on with my own kids trying to motivate them to do their schoolwork/chores/walk the dog etc. why should i upset myself and get all stressed trying to help people who don't really want to be helped but rather who want it all handed to them on a plate?

it seems as if the daughter especially wants her brother to look after the babies and the house, us to do most of the shopping and pick them up and take them home again for visiting the hospital, while she sits doing nothing or going out drinking. i realise that sounds harsh, and i am really trying to be compassionate here, but if you choose to have two kids to two different men (and she did choose, it was deliberate in order to get housing) then surely you have to be responsible for those kids and take care of them yourself?

some of the stuff that is going on is worrying, the toddler doesn't appear to be developing properly and she is currently sleeping in the bathroom, but the health visitor and the midwife have been in the house and seem to be happy. its all such a big mess and seems like a disaster waiting to happen, i can't imagine how they will cope when/if sharon comes home. but i have decided i need to take a step back, at the end of the day my own family come first, i can't take their problems on and try and sort them out. they have to do it themselves like the rest of us do.

i am at my sisters, we watched the football together and she made a very nice tea, then jacqueline has gone out and i am babysitting a sleeping Lovely Niece, tomorrow they are coming to our house for lunch and on monday we are going to the beach for a bbq -weather permitting of course.

my poor brother in law is in germany, he saw the germany v argentina match and watched the england match on the huge screens in berlin, lets hope there is no trouble in germany or outside our shop.

so, this means that i have control of the remote and access to paramount comedy, so, its been nice chatting but.......

no change there then....1.7.06

2008-06-10T23:01:00.002+01:00

what did we expect? on the plus side i have won 10p from my lovely husband as i knew portugal would beat us - the clue was when everyone kept saying we would walk it when they had all their best players sent off the other day. so it was obvious we were going to lose today. why oh why does it always have to be on penalties though? even the great motty had to google it or something before he could inform us, in his usual upbeat manner , that we were facing our fifth penatly shoot-out.

having said that at least we can be proud of the team, unlike the portugese nation which must surely be haning its head in shame, and after watching the replay of the sending off and ronaldos behaviour towards rooney before the match, well, i just hope the arrogant little beggar gets whats coming to him when he returns to old trafford next season. i don't like rooney and feel there has been too much hype surrounding him, he needs to learn to control himself, but he was frustrated at the formation and the way the game was played and it seems to me that ronaldo and the other portugese players intimidated the referee into sending rooney off. at least our players are gentlemen and play in a sportsmanlike way, perhaps thats the trouble

so sven is going and its over to steve, i hope he can take the pace and the heat as well as the expectation. when you watch him on the touch line he seems to be doing all the work during matches anyway. can't believe how much sven has got paid - for what?

too good to be true? 30.6.06

2008-06-10T23:01:00.001+01:00

our ISP is orange, it used to be wanadoo, before that freeserve. my pay as you go mobile is also orange - solely to take advantage of orange wednesdays at the cinema.

so, orange are offering those who go onto a 30 pounds a month contract with their mobile free broadband access. we currently pay 26.99 a month for broadband plus around 10-20 pounds for top-up.

it seems obvious doesn't it? the added bonus is that with the broadband package we would get free landline calls evenings and weekends and then free minutes for during the day with the mobile - technically that means no more phone bills. but is it really that simple? if an offer is too good to be true then it generally is. isn't that usually the way? or am i being too cynical? i am just a bit dubious about going onto a phone contract - probably because of all the horror stories i have heard in the past about people getting bills for hundreds and hundreds of pounds. i rang orange customer service and they assure me that the free broadband deal lasts as long as we have the 30 pounds a month phone contract.

what to do? what to do?

the other 'problem' is that i do go onto a contract then i will have a 'cool' phone not dissimilar to menekse's i don't think she will be very impressed with that!!

oh, and my 'little' cousin is pregnant, lol, she is, obviously a grown up and has just come back from backpacking round all over the place, the baby is a big surprise. its quite scary when people i remember as babies suddenly start having babies themselves, a sign of getting old i guess.

i am going for a shower and to think about the orange thing.

am i a teacher? 27.6.06

2008-06-10T22:59:00.001+01:00

is a question i am often asked when i explain our children don't go to school. i am not a teacher, i don't need to be, interestingly the education act states that it is the PARENTS responsibility to educate their children 'according to age, aptitude and ability, either at school or otherwise', so school is NOT compulsory, but education is.

i am digressing, i was just checking back in my blog and i read this comment from myself....

'menekse just cheered me up, 'what is the square root of a million?' she asked, as if i am going to know thatD'

i am reminded of something meric asked me........'what is the speed of light mum?'

i answered 'very fast'.

meric was a little

so, then he asked his sister..........

she answered 'light speed'

we were both

meric however was of course really

so this reminds me of a bag my sister had made for herself (i think) at a really cool shop in manchester, actually she has a picture too, but the bag says 'reasons to run for the hills.....'
i would quite like one, one of these days, with 'reasons to home-educate......' these are some of them........

20. Your kids never tell you that you're a lot dumber than their teacher.

19. If you can't find matching socks for your child first thing in the morning, who cares?

18. Cleaning out the refrigerator can double as chemistry lab.

17. Your kids never have a reason to think they'll get beat up by a gang at school.

16. If the principal gives the teacher a bad evaluation, she can stick her icy feet against his legs at night.

15. You can post the Ten Commandments on your school room wall, and you won't get sued.

14. You never have to drive your child's forgotten lunch to school.

13. Your child will never go to their 20th high school reunion, meet an old flame, and recklessly abandon their marriage.

12. You get to change more than diapers, you get to change their minds.

11. If you get caught talking to yourself, you can claim you're having a PTA meeting.

10. It's better to be slightly concerned about socialisation than very concerned about who they are with all day.

9. Your child will never suffer the embarrassment of group showers after PE.

8. The only debate about the school lunch program is whose turn it is to cook.

7. You never have to face the dilemma of whether to take your child's side or the teacher's side in a dispute at school.

6. If your child gets drugs at school it's probably calpol.

5. The teacher gets to kiss the principal in the faculty lounge and no one gossips.

4. Your kids recognize that this list is numerically in reverse order.

3. Your honour student can actually read the bumper sticker that you have put on your car.

2. If your child claims that the dog ate his homework you can ask the dog.

1. Some day your children will consider you to be a miracle working expert and will turn to you for advice.

about bad language 27.6.06

2008-06-10T22:58:00.000+01:00

generally speaking i don't use bad language, occasionally when one or both of our teenagers get me to screaming pitch i am known to let slip with a pre-christian expletive :XX" class="middle" border="0"> it seems bad habits never do die.

i know that using bad language today is common place, i know that words which not so long ago would never have been heard in mixed company are now routinely used by all and sundry (perhaps by some in an effort to appear cool and trendy, part of the in-crowd, i am not sure), and that is fine. i mean the english language is a wonderful thing - frustrating i will grant you, but still a wonderfully expressive medium and it seems a shame to me that people can only seemingly express themselves by using crude language. but that is my opinion and i am entitled to express it and to feel that way - just as those who choose to express themselves using alternative methods are free to do so. there are some blogs where the author chooses to use language which i don't really like - that is their choice and its my choice whether i read it or not, we don't have to fall out or anything do we?

but what i do object to is when it is continually and repeatedly shouted in a pointless manner in a public place so that all around are FORCED to listen, actually, come to think of it i feel the same way about pointless mobile conversations where one of the people (usually the one nearest to me) is busy trying to show off about some latest gadget/conquest/job/whatever.

i suppose what i am ranting about is not just bad language, but rather the need people have to inflict their lives on those around them, what happened to privacy, modesty, discretion? it appears to be gone with the wind. why is that i wonder? is it tied up with the nations need to walk around pratically naked? don't get me started on thin girls who make themselves look huge by wearing clothes that are way too tight and too short and who think its attractive to walk around with their knickers hanging out, i am not sure if thongs are knickers or just underwear/lingerie. anyway, you get my point. i haven't met one man yet who thinks the current 'let it all hang out' fashion is attractive never mind sexy. it seems to me that we are turning into a nation full of people who want to live just as they please with no boundaries and who expect to be allowed to do just that no matter how it affects others and no matter how it makes people feel. when i see attractive young girls walking through the streets half naked, so drunk they can hardly stand up shouting abuse at all and sundry it just makes me ashamed to be a woman and to be english. surely i am not the only person who feels like that but will anyone stand up and be counted, will anyone begin to take a stand, who has the courage to challenge this truly anti-social behaviour.

so, from what started as a bit of a rant about bad language (due to some kids outside in our street shouting their mouths off), i have covered mobiles, dress, drink, and behaviour, plus the changing nature of society. not too shabby.

i hear spain just got a penalty, so the commentators are right by the looks of it - france are playing their last match in this world cup.

just sitting and thinking 27.6.06

2008-06-10T22:57:00.000+01:00

it's been a long day today, i woke up really early again! it must be some kind of record. i took the two visitors to the train station and caught up with some email. i have met, through an email list, a christian lady who is, like me, a refugee from the charismatic movement, she was in an abusive and controlling church and is having difficulty finding a church she feels comfortable in. i can relate to that. because the minister in the church where i was saved is, not to put too fine a point on it, a charlatan and liar (don't worry dear reader, i have told him that to his face, i am not being a hypocrite), well it makes it difficult to settle into a new church because if the man at the front can't be trusted well what hope is there?

but, gradually, over the last few years as i have done more bible study and listened to some excellent preaching i have come to realise that actually it doesn't matter whether i like or trust that man at the front - what matters is if he is doing his God given job of preaching the Gospel in a way that is understandable, i can trust God and i pray without ceasing as the bible tells us to then i can have faith that all things will indeed work together for my good - because i love the Lord and am called according to His purpose (romans 8 v28). so, now, even though i know i am not in a perfect church and even though some of the ministers in my denomination irritate me i know it doesn't matter - for one thing i probably irritate them too but God is in control and that is what matters, i don't need to trust a man!

anyway. not sure if that makes sense.

do you know something sad. every year we go to a conference at high leigh. a christian conference, the fellowship is marvellous, the early morning prayer meetings second to none and the preaching is generally first class. its a good thing to go to because all the people there are like minded christians, many of them have been faithfully praying for the nation for years and years, its a real privilege to be among them. there are also usually alot of young people there too. our daughter has a real servant spirit, she loves to help out at home, at the shop, at my mums nursing home before she sold up and retired, if we go to visit anyone menekse always helps out, she is a really good kid. but she's not 'cool' in the worldly sense of the word. which i am glad about, the bible tells us to be in the world but not of the world, and she loves the Lord so much, and in this aspect of her character she is indeed Christ-like as we are called to be. don't get me wrong, she is beautiful and dresses in an off-beat kind of trendy hippy fashion, she is like me and lacks confidence sometimes. anyway, i am starting to digress. at this conference there is always morning coffee, afternoon tea and then a drink last thing at night after the evening meetings - menekse always helps serve at that session, with the older ladies. none of the 'cool' kids help out. menekse says they think she is a 'freak' - i tell her not to be silly, someone somewhere is watching her do what is right.

anyway, in august we have a certain Mr G coming to preach, he is one of the 'cool' gang from high leigh evidently, he is going to stay with us for the weekend, menekse didn't want him to initially in case he goes and tells everyone how weird we are i mean she's right, we are weird, but isn't that sad that she feels like that? i feel quite guilty. i mean i don't think she is freaky or uncool or that weird, but am i biased because i am her mum? possibly. apparently we have to scrub the house from top to bottom and have everything just-so. and the silly thing is that i am sure Mr G is a perfectly nice young man who will just come, preach, enjoy the fellowship and go home again without giving us another thought - i am sure his life is too busy and too interesting to bother about those of us who live north of watford. i just feel so sad for menekse that she feels so insecure about herself, i have tried really hard to give her confidence without success apparently, does that make me a failure as a mum? not really sure. i pray that the Lord will bring her a husband who will love her as Christ loved the church and who will be a truly godly man and that she will realise that her esteem is in Christ and not in any bunch of 'cool' kids.

today we went to the cinema together, to see 'aquamarine' - it was a pretty good piece of chick flick nonsense, just the sort of thing needed to take one's mind off the impending visit of some cool dude from london. we also did cash and carry and popped into the hospital to see sharon, i am relieved and happy to report that she seemed greatly improved, she was at least awake!! her kids are going tonight and i intend to pop in on thursday during swimming training. the nurses seemed quite hopeful that she will recover pretty well so perhaps things aren't as bad as i thought.

the delivery situation at the shop is ridiculous. so far tonight we haven't had one delivery and its now gone 7 p.m. surely it can't be that everyone is in the pubs having free chip butties at half time? it wasn't that busy last night either.

liverpool lady just called to invite herself over next week, after i had put the phone down i realised that she will be here for the world cup final - which is on a sunday, i don't think she will like that.

the shop must have heard me, a delivery, off i go.........

it's monday 26.6.06

2008-06-10T22:53:00.001+01:00

we have had a lovely weekend.

i woke up so early on saturday i could hardly believe it, not being a morning person i do quite often do my best to go back to sleep on those occasions, but i just couldn't on saturday, so i got up, had a quiet cup of coffee, some quiet time alone with the Lord, did the laundry, the washing up, all that jazz, got ready to go to tesco's - which reminds me, going at about 8 a.m. on saturday is an excellent time to go as it is not at all busy. woke menekse up with a cup of tea, she was going to come with me to currys to buy the digital radio and also get cards etc for meric. went and did tesco's, got home, menekse came to the door with a turban on and a dressing gown, having just got out of the bath, insisting she was ready to go. frankly i didn't fancy walking down the street with her dressed like that . so i went on my own. i was so early town wasn't even open.

after all the jobs were done and presents wrapped and then opened i even had time to get the sunday lunch ready before it was time for us to go to the cinema it really was incredible. i really don't like the fact that i am not a morning person, getting up early does mean that loads more stuff gets done, if i could change one thing about myself that would be it. but i have tried so many times with no success, and in the winter when its dark in the mornings, well, that makes getting up early well nigh impossible.

anyway, jack arrived and we duly went off to the cinema. the film was pretty good as boys films go. we then had to do cash and carry and rush the 30-odd miles home to get back in time for the 5.30 p.m. warm up. at this point i still hadn't met the two guys who were coming for the weekend. menekse had met them from the train though.

the gala went really well, meric swam three individuals and five relays, he was on fire!! and managed to beat matthew in the 50m fly which is actually matthews stroke. i was the starter and that went ok too, i feel more and more confident every time i do it. i have found a referees course in september in nottingham, i think i might apply to go on it as i can do the exam locally. at least then i will have the qualification if i ever decide i want to get more involved. jack sat through the gala as well and we got home about 8.30 p.m. the boys watched a film whilst i made the dinner.

the two guys from northern ireland arrived sometime after us and we had dinner together. they seem very nice. they have been out walking for most of the weekend so actually we have hardly seen them. the preaching was excellent at both services, Mr H preached, he is a lay preacher, the passage was 2 samuel 9, davids call to find and support mephibosheth the son of jonathan, what i love about the old testament is how clearly the Lord Jesus can be seen there, and also how clearly the doctrines of grace can be seen. it amazes me when people talk about the doctrine of calvin - he just expounded on what can clearly be seen in scripture, also when people talk about how God changes etc. reading the scriptures and asking for help from the Holy Spirit shows us all that we need to know clearly about Gods unchanging way of salvation through the shed blood of Christ, i was really blessed by both sermons yesterday. after the evening service we had a cup of tea, it was a bit sad since there were about 15 people missing for various reasons and then a couple went home, nevertheless we sat talking until gone 9 p.m.

i did watch the football yesterday - well the england match, missed most of the portugal v holland match. i am relieved we are through but slightly anxious that everyone now seems to think we should just 'walk' the portugal match, my husband even said 'england don't even need to show up' - that sort of complacency just leads to defeat. my brother in law has a ticket for germany v argentina on friday so that should be good, what an experience.

because of being so busy i haven't had a chance to visit either the new baby or his nan. i did explain to sharon's kids that i wouldn't be able to get over until tuesday most likely, with merics birthday and visitors plus a gala i just didn't really have time to turn round, then mondays are spent catching up on laundry, doing school work and and getting ready for the childrens meeting.

it's all very worrying about sharon. she has, apparently, a had series of mini-strokes, and has now been moved to a specialist stroke ward. a ct scan has been done but, as her children haven't been through to visit her, we don't yet know the results of it. the children aren't really children, the daughter is 19 and the mother of the new baby plus an 18 month old toddler, the son is 17 and has his own motorbike. the daughter does have her own house but has moved into the family home while she recovers from the birth and also to help take care of her mum. a lady from the village they live in visits her husband in the same hospital as sharon every day, she has offered the two kids a lift, but they won't go with her. they also won't get the train and want the volunteer visitors/drivers to go through when its convenient for the daughter with her kids - they seem to forget that we all have families and jobs to do. its all getting a bit awkward. sharon was supposed to have been discharged by last thursday or friday. there is now no indication of when she is coming out, so, realistically, how long can volunteers be expected to visit every three days? my husband is not impressed and nor is the husband of one of the other ladies, especially since we seem to be funding the daughter by buying nappies and milk i don't know, i don't like to sound as if i am being mean, but i have been brought up to take care of myself and to help those who are helping me as well, if that makes sense. but we all three feel as if the daughter especially is just taking advantage of us. the son is getting fed up of his sister too, he wants her to go home because basically she is leaving everything to him and he is tired out, he says she is not fit to have two children. unfortunatly sharon told me that last time her daughter gave birth that she won't have her in the family home because she is lazy and sharon would end up doing everything. having witnessed her behaviour in hospital last week and with the new baby i can believe that too. i want so badly to be a good christian witness to them all, but, realistically, how long can i put myself and my family out. i have to work tonight, tomorrow and wednesday, plus i work with our kids all day. i am planning on going to visit sharon tomorrow but am not going to tell her kids, i am taking menekse to the cinema and will visit sharon afterwards. is that a terrible thing to do?

my husband says that the way the daughter behaves is a result of government policy and the welfare state, he says that people do expect everything to be done for them and that we, as a nation, are creating a generation that don't have the desire or the knowledge to work. if that is true it's very worrying. this girl doesn't seem as if she is that bothered about her children, the new baby still hadn't had a bath on his third day - for that matter neither had she and she expected the midwives to bring all that she needed to feed him etc. to her in bed. then i think, am i over-reacting? not sure, but if our kids behaved like that i would not be impressed and i would be embarrassed, well, i was embarrassed. the really worrying thing is that if the kids are behaving like this now what will it be like when sharon gets home? who will take care of her? if she needs care, which is seeming more and more likely, the surgery went well, but her behaviour is giving cause for concern, which i guess is why they have moved her to a stroke unit.

anyway, i mustn't sit here complaining, don't get me wrong, i would do anything for anyone, but its not nice to feel you are being used. and i feel bad for sharon too, how can they not want to visit their mum, why can't they make a bit of an effort for her? its a long day in hospital with no visitors, especially no family and she has been a good mum to them.

every cloud has a silver lining.....23.6.06

2008-06-10T22:49:00.001+01:00

this blog entry could also be entitled 'a job well done'.

furthermore, this is the third time i have written it due to the fact that this lap top has a mind of its own.

my regular reader will know that i am not a lover of housework, there are better things to do in my humble opinion, like read a good book or several. one of my fridge magnets says 'a mind is a terrible thing to waste on housework', that said, as a stay at home mum it goes with the territory.

my reader may also recall that as we have no minister at our church currently we are having visiting speakers and these speakers do, on occasion, stay at our house.

this weekend is such an occasion.

a mysterious Mr H was due to arrive tomorrow, saturday. i telephoned him during the week and left a message with a very odd sounding lady - being odd myself however i didn't take much notice. today i got a phone call from Mr S, he would be accompanying Mr H on the 10.20 belfast to leeds/bradford flight tomorrow.

slight dilemma.

our spare room - aka 'mum's room', is where we normally put visitors, but there is a slight leak in the roof so at present it is out of action and anyway there is only one bed in there.

so, menekse usually gives her room up for visitors, but also only has one bed.

that leaves meric's room. he has bunk beds.

surely my reader and anyone with a soon to be 14 year old son will have some sympathy with me . i have been intending to give the room 'a good bottoming' as we say in yorkshire (and elsewhere for all i know) for sometime. but like everest the task appeared to be insurmountable and like the black hole of calcutta something to be approached with fear and trepidation.

panic began to set in. i made a cup of tea, watched 'deal or no deal' and ate chocolate whilst i tried to formulate a plan.

meric of course had swimming training tonight. why wouldn't he? last week he was beaten by matthew in a gala, tomorrow is an important team gala in which he will once again be swimming against matthew and so missing training was not an option.

therefore, we didn't have much time. we gathered mop bucket, black bag, damp cloths and made our way to the top of the house. we moved everything, we damp dusted everything and mopped everywhere, we collected and removed all the dirty socks, the tissues, the empty water bottles, the sweets from christmas, the rubbish*, we picked up and boxed all the gazillion little men, cars, lego, playmobil, guns etc etc., we even moved some furniture round, we finished by changing the beds and putting clean towels out. job done. excellent.

before he went training meric cleaned the front yard and i cleaned the bathroom. i figure that if the bathroom sparkles people won't notice if everywhere else is slightly less than immaculate. and presumably two single guys won't be looking for dust bunnies!!

now i just have to decide what to cook on sunday. bearing in mind its the england match at 3.30 p.m. so we won't be cooking anything that takes too much time. i am leaning towards goulash again, its easy - most of it can be done the day before, its really tasty and goes well with mash which people from ulster love.

i am pleased with myself and with meric, we got a pretty unpleasant job done quickly and without fuss, i am now going to train him to keep the room clean and tidy by whizzing round it very week with the mop and damp duster (no carpets in our house due to asthma and eczema). he has worked really well this week at all things, school work, chores, helping in the shop, so i am thinking i might let him put one of his games consoles back in the living room next week. but that's another story.

tomorrow is his birthday, his friend jack is coming, complete with a broken arm, so the outing of choice is the cinema with lunch thrown in. we are going to 'fast and furious tokyo drift something something' - a boys film anyway. i am going to buy him a digital radio, roberts, meric loves the radio especially bbc7, we don't get digital properly here yet, but he also likes classic fm and radio 4. i have to get up very early to do tesco's because of the cinema, the two strangers arriving and the gala in the evening at which i shall be starting. which reminds me i am thinking of doing the referees qualification after all. again another story.

*meric would no more dream of dropping rubbish in the street than he would fly to the moon however he has no such qualms about dropping rubbish in the house - what is that?

anyway, menekse has come home from the shop, she has a new phone, on a contract, and shock horror she is unable to send text messages, she may well need to be hospitalised if this continues so obviously in spite of the fact that it is gone 11 p.m. and her feet smell she 'needs' to get on the computer, i am tired so the only thing i 'need' do is go to bed.

A new baby 21.6.08

2008-06-10T22:47:00.001+01:00

alot has happened since my last blog.

my friend with the heart surgery isn't doing that well, the surgery went fine, but she is still very sleepy - a week later. there is some suspicion that she has had a slight stroke, also that she is suffering from sheer exhaustion due to a huge amount of stress in the run up to her surgery. i am just praying that she pulls through with no ill effects. i took her kids over to visit on sunday between church services, she was a little brighter but not much. it is my turn to visit again today but i am not going..........because the new baby has arrived.

it was so exciting, the miracle of birth. WOW, it blew me away. i should say, for those who don't actually know me, our two were both born by c-section and i was asleep both times too, when that happens and you eventually wake up the baby is more or less clean and tidy, the cord is gone etc etc. so, to see a baby being born the natural way was awe inspiring for me. i felt so honoured to be asked, and i know that the girl really wanted her mum - i was a pretty poor substitute from that point of view, but it couldn't be avoided, i was glad to be able to help. E called me just before 7 to say she thought she might be in labour, i laughed and said 'can't he wait until after the football' - its a good job we didn't wait. i went to collect her and we set off for the hospital (20 miles away) at about 7.20 p.m. - he arrived at 9.37 p.m. not only that but he was face up which is harder apparently and he weighed 11 pounds and half an ounce!!! he was HUGE, our son weighed in at 9 pounds 12.5 ounces, but this little boy put that good weight in the shade. E did really well, she had to have some stitches and lost quite a bit of blood, so she is on a drip today. sadly her and her mum are not in the same hospital, nowhere near, so i am going to do maternity visiting today, the new baby needs some new clothes - the newborn stuff doesn't fit.

i don't know how anyone who has witnessed childbirth can think we evolved from slime and it all happened by accident, it really was incredible, but, not really the place for husbands/partners i wouldn't have thought. i can understand how upsetting it might be for a man to see his loved one go through all that.

on saturday we had a swim meet, meric didn't swim that well due to tiredness, so this week he is eating plenty of fresh fruit etc and getting plenty of sleep so that he is on form on saturday, because even though it is his birthday he is swimming in an important gala for the club. its at home so i will be starting. during the day i think we are going to see the new fast and furious film something about drifting in tokyo (don't quote me on that that title, i might have made it up). after the meet last saturday we drove to york for a picnic by the river with my sisters and Lovely Niece, my littlest sister, The Recently Qualified Staff Nurse, flew out to south america on monday morning to meet up with our mum, so we took the stuff we were sending out to mum - namely soluble aspirin, inhalers, maltesers and fox's ginger crunch!! lol. we had a really nice evening all together. Lovely Niece is becoming her own person and a proper little character she is too, very, very funny - like all little ones of that age i guess, but i do confess to some bias where she is concerned

monday night is our childrens meeting night at church. we have a core group of about 10 children, all girls for some reason. who have been coming regularly since last september. its incredible to me how little they know about the bible and about Christianity - considering we are still meant to be a christian country and christianity is meant to be the main subject taught in RE at school. anyway, we are telling them the lifestory of daniel since they like singing about him and in july we are having a special church service/prizegiving in which, hopefully, they are all going to take part. one of the little girls has made a profession of faith in Christ and told me this week that she prays to the Lord regularly. what a blessing and privilege it is to be able to point this little ones to the Saviour. when i read about the Huguenots with our own children i was very moved to see how the Lord used children and young people to encourage the adults during the persecution, incredible.

anyway, i must go and buy some vests for the new baby among other things. i did miss the match last night, obviously, but was glad to see we managed the necessary draw to avoid germany. sad about owen though, i know some said he wasn't playing that well, but imho the best was yet to come in this tournament, but, it seems he is out now. c'est la vie.

i'm still here......just 17.6.06

2008-05-24T23:12:00.002+01:00

well, if anyone was wondering, and i don't suppose they were. i am still here. our pc died, well, it's not actually dead, but it's terminal. something to do with the hard-drive, blah blah something, something, something . we went to the in-laws last weekend, had a lovely time. i took said computer to our nephew as he is knowledgable about all things computer. i wanted him to re-format. when he looked at it he discovered that it would cost almost as much to repair as it would for him to build us a new pc. so that is the route we are taking. the good thing is that he will build it for us and my husband will be able to give him the money when we have it. in the meantime i am using our dd's lap-top which is harder than you think. the typing is a nightmare, i keep catching the pad thingy with my thumb which then, inexplicably, moves things all over the place, very irritating. but i am learning to keep the thumbs up and really shouldn't complain since i feel very blessed to still have internet access. of course it took me several days to set the internet up on said lap-top, and i did come dangerously close, as we all have at some time, to throwing the wretched thing out of the window . but here we are all set up and working.

this weekend i am doing a favour for a friend, i agreed to have her two almost-teenagers overnight. they are twins, a boy and a girl, we know them through swimming. my friend, the mum, has never really left the twins with anyone. she went through a pretty unpleasant divorce sometime ago and is pretty self sufficient. so i felt quite honoured to be asked. the two boys (mine and hers) went into town to a games centre place. its within walking distance. on the way home, at 7.30 p.m., just before swimming training, a group of children started to shout abuse at the boys and also threatened them. our boys told them to go away and leave them alone. at which point a girl tried to punch the boys, our son managed to deflect the punch, but she managed to get my friends lad three times in the eye. to give our boys credit they didn't hit back - having been brought up to know that hitting girls is WRONG WRONG WRONG (sisters excepted obviously, ) meric told me afterwards that she had also spit in his face. what is that? so, it seems that i can not allow him to go out on his own, apparently unaccompanied teenage boys are fair game. i rang the police and reported it since we know where the girl lives and menekse took a photo on her phone. then i took our friend to the hospital as he was complaining of a headache. the mum doesn't know yet, we are meeting up at lunchtime. she will never leave them again!!

after the hospital we went to tesco's to be greeted by the sight of a group of lads kicking the living daylights out of another lad on the floor, whilst being watched by the staff in tesco, including security. so, apparently home is the place to be from around 5 p.m. on friday night.

another friend, also from swimming, had heart surgery this week, replacement of an aortic valve. her daughter is expecting a baby any time now (second baby to second bloke, no permanent partner, she is only 18 but has a very nice council house thanks to making herself deliberately homeless at 16). anyway, i am on the visiting rota for taking the kids to visit mum and am also the birth partner for the daughter which i am quite excited about. now the boy in this family is the youngest, he is almost 18, he doesn't approve of his sisters lifestyly choices, thinks children should be born after marriage, he is quite old fashioned i suppose, and yet, he doesn't have a problem with sex outside marriage, is it me or is that slighly hypocritical?

well, this started off just as a bit of a note to show i am still in the land of the living. it turned into an epistle. and of course i don't have time to sit here. we are going out in about 90 minutes. oh, the length of a football match. which reminds me, why do i have to be english and support a team which always gives us a scare? why can't they just do the business and let us relax instead of putting us through torture for 75 minutes. then yesterday there was argentina, the beautiful game, enough said. a 26 pass build up to the second goal. we can't compete.

I am away...9.6.06

2008-05-24T23:12:00.001+01:00

i am visiting my in-laws in leicester, and i am here alone! i left meric at home with his dad and menekse is at an eighteenth birthday party. so i am feeling pretty relaxed and full of very good turkish food.

we have had a very hectic couple of weeks, with trips and visitors galore. and the computer is playing up. i have brought the tower with me in the hope that our nephew can re-format it for me, really we need a new one, but it will have to wait, there are some things that are more important just now.

we went on a protest to the walsingham shrine/procession. the reason we protested is because the procession and mass are both anglican - and the 39 articles of the church of england forbid idolatry and say that the mass is a blasphemous fable, we had a really good day, lots of good opportunities to talk to people, lots of singing, and it was all pretty good natured. menekse had a really good time since some of her friends were there. one of them, from birkenhead, came home with us for the week. on the tuesday we went over to my sisters and had lunch - it was my birthday celebration, we had a chocolate fountain which was delicious, my little sister let us borrow it for a couple of weeks as she is going to south america shortly.

whilst our birkenhead visitor was here we went to the cinema to see The Wild - it was ok, the boys went to x-men 3, which obviously i didn't want to see , The Wild was ok, but very much like madagascar, however, the koala bear, voiced by eddie izzard, in the wild was by far the best character, he was hilariousD - he alone makes the film worthwhile.

merics friend jack has fallen off his quad bike and broken his arm, it involved surgical manipulation and a night in hospital, so that's pretty impressive , apparently. makes me glad we live in town and have no access to a garden or anything.

oh, and we are being taken to court by a cowboy builder . our kitchen floor has been in need of attention for ages, my mum had a good look and erdinc told her the damage was the result of a leak, so we actually were able to claim on our insurance, which was great. the wall was also damaged because of the leak, and the builder measured up for floorboards - which i have everywhere in the house. but when he came to do the job he used cheap composite boards and didn't do the walls, i wasn't happy, obviously, the builder said he can't do plastering, i talked to the insurance company, they said we don't have to pay him until he does it properly. he won't do it, so he is taking us to court. the silly man has also lied in his court papers . so on monday i am going to citizens advice and then we are at court on wednesday so watch this space.

as if i haven't got enough to worry about.

we have also had a visiting minister. that went ok, he has been before. the next one comes on the weekend of the 24th, the same weekend as merics birthday, and a very big gala, which the lovely geoff wants the whole team out at. so thats another hectic weekend. probably my sister and Lovely Niece will be here too.

oh, that reminds me, we had Lovely Niece to stay over last weekend, just for the sunday night. my sister was away at a dance weekend and my brother in law had to get up for work early on monday. we had a lovely time, she eats such incredible stuff. her snack, when we got home from church, consisted of hummus, cheese, tomatoes and crackers. she ate all her veg and rice for lunch but wasn't keen on the goulash.

things are going pretty well at church just now too, we have some new people, the manse has been rented out and the sound system is going to get sorted.

so, all in all its all going ok.

like the rest of the nation i am bored with rooneys foot, i was glad to hear, the other night on radio 4, that something else was at the top of the news chain - the roses are getting watered in the garden at number 10 apparently!! i will be watching the world cup when and if i am around, doesn't look like i will see the england match tomorrow though because we are off to the market. leicester has an incredible fresh produce market which is very very cheap, so i am going to stock up and my sister in law is going to make some of my husbands favourite food for me to take back to sunny yorkshire. btw, its boiling hot here - much hotter than at home where i have a lovely sea breeze to take the edge off the heat.

anyway, must go, i think we are going to play cards - again!!

What if....1.6.06

2008-05-24T23:11:00.001+01:00

If Jesus Came To Your House!
If Jesus came to your house to spend a day or two -
If He came unexpectedly, I wonder what you'd do.
Oh, I know you'd give your nicest room to such an honoured guest,
And all the food you'd serve Him would be the very best,
And you would keep assuring Him you're glad to have Him there -
That serving Him in you own home is joy beyond compare.

But - when you saw Him coming, would you meet Him at the door
With arms outstretched in welcome to your heavenly Visitor?
Or would you have to change your clothes before you let Him in?
Or hide some magazines and put the Bible where they'd been?
Would you turn off the radio and hope He hadn't heard?
And wish you hadn't uttered that last, loud, hasty word?

Would you hide your worldly music and put some hymn books out?
Could you let Jesus walk right in, or would you rush about?
And I wonder - if the Saviour spent a day or two with you,
Would you go right on doing the things you always do?
Would you go right on saying the things you always say?
Would life for you continue as it does from day to day?

Would your family conversation keep up its usual pace?
And would you find it hard each meal to say a table grace?
Would you sing the songs you always sing, and read the books you read?
And let Him know the things on which your mind and spirit feed?
Would you take Jesus with you everywhere you'd planned to go?
Or would you, maybe, change your plans for just a day or so?

Would you be glad to have Him meet your very closest friends?
Or would you hope they'd stay away until His visit ends?
Would you be glad to have Him stay forever on and on?
Or would you sigh with great relief when He at last was gone?
It might be interesting to know the things that you would do
If Jesus Christ in person came to spend some time with you!

feeling a bit fed up.....1.6.06

2008-05-24T23:10:00.000+01:00

i am still here, just been busy trying to sort various things out, got alot of things to catch up with online but haven't been able to get around to it. i am feeling pretty low and fed up - for no good reason, which makes it worse. then i read this on someones bebo page...

I'm a Christian
When I say "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean living"
I'm whispering "I was lost
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
And need Christ to be my guide.

When I say "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect.
My flaws are far too visible
But God believes I'm worth it.

When I say "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His Name.

When I say "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou.
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's grace.. somehow.

that cheered me up, remembering how much the Lord loved ME before i loved Him is enough to cheer anyone up. i found this on the same page, its a bit mawkish, but still...

Tomorrow morning," the surgeon began, "I'll open up your heart..." "You'll find Jesus there," the boy interrupted. The surgeon looked up, annoyed "I'll cut your heart open," he continued, to see how much damage has been done..."
"But when you open up my heart, you'll find Jesus in there," said the boy. The surgeon looked to the parents, who Sat quietly. “When I see how much damage has been done, I'll sew your heart and chest back up, and I'll plan what to do next." "But you'll find Jesus in my heart. The Bible says He lives there. The hymns all say He lives there. You'll find Him in my heart." The surgeon had had enough. "I'll tell you what I'll find in your heart. I'll find damaged muscle, low blood supply, and weakened vessels.

And I'll find out if I can make you well." "You'll find Jesus there too. He lives there." The surgeon left.
The surgeon sat in his office, recording his notes from the surgery, "...damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary vein, widespread muscle degeneration. No hope for transplants, no hope for cure. Therapy: painkillers and bed rest. Prognosis: "
here he paused, "death within one year." He stopped the recorder, but there was more to be said. "Why?" he asked aloud. "Why did You do this? You've put
him here; You've put him in this pain; and You've cursed him to an early death. Why?" The Lord answered and said, "The boy, My lamb, was not meant for your flock for long, for he is a part of My flock, and will forever be.
Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain, and will be comforted as you cannot imagine. His parents will one day join him here, and they will know peace, and
My flock will continue to grow." The surgeon's tears were hot, but his anger was hotter. "You created that
boy, and You created that heart. He'll
be dead in months. Why?"
The Lord answered, "The boy, My lamb, shall return to My flock, for He has Done his duty: I did not put My lamb with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another lost lamb."
The surgeon wept.. The surgeon sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered, "Did you cut open my heart?"
"Yes," said the surgeon.
"What did you find?" asked
the boy.
"I found Jesus
there," said the surgeon.

my testimony - or how i became a christian, part the first. 17.5.06

2008-05-24T23:06:00.001+01:00

it occurred to me some time ago that my reader might be interested to read my testimony, to see how it is that a normal every day gal had her life changed, its pretty long, i might post it in two parts, i will see how it goes, of course you could just read it in two parts dear reader.

i grew up in england, i was christened, confirmed, all the usual things and because england is still a chritian country i thought that was enough, i ama basically a good person, certainly i didn't ever see myself as a sinner - who does? but all that changed in march 1992 when i was saved by the Lord Jesus Christ, since then my walk with the Lord has been long, hard and at times very lonely as i tried so hard to continue in my own way and He graciously brought me back to the path that is His. i have three 'life' texts i suppose they are called...

Isaiah 49:16 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.

Isaiah 55:11 So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

so, as a child i was sent to sunday school, because thats what everyone did in those days, this is something i am very thankful for today. i was also taught 'real' relgious education at school. i went to the local church of england sunday school and as a child i wanted to be a nun - this was the first of many spiritual inclinations in my life. at the age of 11 i went to a quaker boarding school, i was very attracted by the quiet spirituality of the meetings there and decided that perhaps i might like to be a quaker. by Gods grace i am something of a procrastinator, something which i can see has actually been a blessing in my life. it was at this boarding school that i started smoking and drinking, i also had my first taste of the occult as we used to play with a ouiji board, we did make contact with something on several occasions and i know now that common grace kept me from harm.

my next port of call was a church of england school attached to york minster, now sadly closed. the RE at that school was at least bible based in those days. in my late teens i changed schools again and became friendly with a group of muslims - and decided, of course, that islam seemed like an attractive way of life!

my own dad had died when i was a girl, i recall my mum and aunties regularly going to visit mediums, clairvoyants, spiritists, they were often given messages that were highly accurate and seemed to be based in fact. this of course all made the new age movement and the occult very attractive to me. by the time i hit my twenties i too was going to fortune tellers, the spiritist church, psychic and new age fairs, generally having an interest and fascination for all things occult. but of course none of these things satisfied me - we sing a hymn now which says 'i tried the broken cisterns Lord but ah the waters failed' (from jermeiah chapter 2). i was left feeling more and more empty and dissatisfied as i searched for something, anything to fill the emptiness within me. i was also very influenced by feminist ideology, intending to be a woman who had it all - career, husband, children and plenty of money. these days i rejoice in my God given role of stay-at-home mum wiht my husband as the head of our home!

whilst doing my a-levels and later at college in leeds i continued to drink and go to nightclubs, coming from a family of big drinkers alcohol attracted me greatly but i am glad to say it never really got hold of me.

in 9185 i met my lovely husband, a turkish muslim. i was still very attracted to islam - the strength of the family unit, the way muslim women are protected and cherished, the lovely feminine modest clothing, all of those things, above all of course i wanted, and still do want, religious family unity (i long to be able to say with joshua - but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. (chapter 24). so, for the sake of that unity i seriously considered converting to islam. praise God that i didn't take that final step, thanks to what i had learnt as a child, somehow through all my wanderings in false religion and teachings i had always believed in Jesus even though i didn't KNOW Him, but i found i could not deny Him. don't get me wrong, i didn't belive then in the exclusivity of Christ - i was a many paths to god believer, believing that as long as i was a good person i would be alright, after all wasn't i born in a 'christian' country? for a long time i took great comfort from the fact that my mother in law prayed for us in the mosque in turkiye and my own mum prayed for us in the church here. my husband didn't pressure me to convert and in fact we both agreed that we would bring our children up to know about both religions and that we would let them choose which they would follow - how naive that was and how blessed i am that it didn't massively backfire on me.

when i was pregnant with menekse, as i saw her heartbeat on the ultrasound screen i began to realise there was more to this God thing than i thought. when she was several months old i began to go to an anglican church next door to our home, we were living 35 miles away then and were trying to move house. but the Lord God had other plans for us and ordered our circumstances so that we had to move back here, this was, in hindsight, a remarkable work of grace in the lives of two unbelievers. however at the time i felt bitter and angry - my attitude was 'well, if thats what going to church gets me i won't bother anymore'.

almost 12 months later, back in our home town, unexpectedly pregnant with our second child, really struggling financially, i went to the mother and toddler group at the local anglican church. i met a lovely lady there called sharon, she asked me about what i believed and invited me to church, she said i could sit with her and her family. i had been brought up to believe that church was the House of God and so i should be smartly dressed, quiet and respectful when i went there. so, it was quite a shock to my system when i arrived at this casual anglican church where everyone seemed to be dressed in beach clothes, because i had had so little biblical teaching in my life it was all too easy for me to be seduced by the teachings of this charismatic church. the vicar has a degree in greek and i had been properly brought up to respect vicars, doctors, policemen and teachers, and so i thought this vicar must be right in what he taught simply because he is a man of the cloth - i am glad to report i know better now and am not afraid to say so.

when i first started going to this church it was charismatic in a low-key kind of way which did make me uncomfortable for a while - there was some clapping, and raising of hands, contemporary christian music, tongues, words of prophecy from the congregation, picutres and audible words from God when praying, deliverance ministry for people who had demons of all kinds. all very new age and actually occultic and very very appealing to someone like me. the first time i went to see the vicar privately i remember thinking that he behaved like a clairvoyant i had visited recently - looking into the distance and 'listening' for messages from God. in retrospect i can see how my new age inclinations made me an easy target for the erroneous teachings of this particular church. we were never encouraged to read or study the bible for ourselves and the sermons were basic at best - bible studys tended to be discussion groups rather than a proper in-depth study.

sharon, the lady i had met at mums and toddlers, invited me to her home to do a course introducing christianity - this was actually the pre-cursor to the now world famous alpha course. it was at one of these meetings that i came to know the Lord Jesus Christ as my own and personal Saviour. at the time, due to lack of teaching, i didn't really know what this meant, i didn't really understand about my sinful nature or my need of a Saviour, sometimes, later, i doubted that i had been saved, but as i look back i can see that the Lord quickly began a work of sanctification in my heart. for example, soon after i was saved the Lord brought me under deep conviction about then use of blasphemy in the TV programmes i watched - i was also convicted, throught the reading of Gods word, about the way i spoke. but this happened independently of what was happening at church. i realise now that i was begining to grow in the Lord, but at that time i didn't understand what an incredible thing had happened to me. i didn't understand the significance of Calvary or of the blood. i spent the rest of my time in this church trying my best to 'get' tongues, pictures in my head when i prayed, to hear Gods voice audibly give me words of knowledge or prophesy, i desperately wanted to fit into this church community, i had ministry/counselling to deal with issues i know now were dealt with at the Cross, i had soul ties broken - something i now know is not necessary.

and then toronto hit....